What to do....

Discussion in 'Community' started by iGary, Aug 24, 2005.

  1. iGary Guest

    iGary

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #1
    So I had a wonderful dinner with my mother, two of my sisters, one of their husbands and some of my nieces and nephews last night. Very pleasant.

    In the middle of appetizers, my mom (step mom) corners me and shoves a check in my hand and tells me that this is for all the flight expenses, car rentals etc. for when I flew down to GA when my dad died last week.

    Should I rip it up and trash it, or do you think she would be insulted if I didn't cash it?

    At a loss what to do. Don't feel it's right to take it.
     
  2. devilot Moderator emeritus

    devilot

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    #2
    If she's anything at all like the mothers I have come across, she would most definitely feel insulted... However, I do see how you might feel awkward accepting it. Why don't you accept it and get her a little something now, and when Mother's Day rolls around, give her something extra special?
     
  3. Lyle macrumors 68000

    Lyle

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2003
    Location:
    Madison, Alabama
    #3
    Sounds like you already know the right answer. ;)

    Or if you really believe she'd be insulted (and you know her better than any of us), cash the check and then funnel the money back to her in some other way.
     
  4. rdowns Suspended

    rdowns

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2003
    #4
    These are awkward family moments. Be honest, tell her you don't feel comfortable taking it. If she insists and you can afford it, tell her you'd like to donate it to your dad's favorite charity.
     
  5. g4cubed macrumors 6502a

    g4cubed

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2004
    #5
    I wouldn't tear it up, that leaves her account on that check open. Either get it back to her and explain that you don't need the money at this time but if and when you do you'll ask for it. Or as I usually do leave it on her dresser or desk, where she'll see it, just before I leave with a note saying the same as above. This makes them not feel insulted that you didn't take the money and leaves it open that you may ask for help at another time. Doing the latter saves the arguing or insistence on you taking the money.

    Just my 2¢.
     
  6. zelmo macrumors 603

    zelmo

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2004
    Location:
    Mac since 7.5
    #6
    A tough spot to be in, iGary. No envy here.
    First off, can your mother afford to be doing this? If not, you have to figure out how to not keep this gift and avoid hurting her feels. Maybe accept the check but don't ever cash it?
    If she can afford it, I think you've got no choice but to grudgingly accept it in the manner in which it was intended. Then use it to buy something nice that you think she needs around the house, maybe set up her Mac (she does have a Mac, right?) with broadband and an iSight so you can chat with her "live" She'll probably be appreciating the extra contact.

    Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
     
  7. gwuMACaddict macrumors 68040

    gwuMACaddict

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2003
    Location:
    washington dc
    #7
    protest politely, but if she insists, cash it- it's obviously something she wanted to do
     
  8. iGary thread starter Guest

    iGary

    Joined:
    May 26, 2004
    Location:
    Randy's House
    #8
    Yeah, she can afford it, and I protested very clearly with her last night that I didn't feel right about it.

    I'll put it in savings for a rainy day, Dad would approve.
     
  9. mgargan1 macrumors 65816

    mgargan1

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2003
    Location:
    Reston, VA
    #9
    i agree, you should politely refuse it. Then once she says no, then go ahead and cash it. She'd be insulted
     
  10. zelmo macrumors 603

    zelmo

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2004
    Location:
    Mac since 7.5
    #10
    sounds like a good call.
     
  11. XIII macrumors 68040

    XIII

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2004
    Location:
    England
  12. ham_man macrumors 68020

    ham_man

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2005
    #12
    That would be nice...

    Like the other's have said, accept the check, but pay her back in other ways...
     
  13. runninmac macrumors 65816

    runninmac

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2005
    Location:
    Rockford MI
    #13
    Good descision. She could have been insulted if you didnt and you never know when those rainy days will come.
     
  14. neildmitchell macrumors 6502a

    neildmitchell

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
  15. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2004
    #15
    i think you made a good call, i think most of us probably would have done the same in your shoes, but things like this do indeed feel awkward, i know i have been there...
     
  16. dejo Moderator

    dejo

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2004
    Location:
    The Centennial State
    #17
    Or maybe better yet, donate it to some charity that she would approve of.
     
  17. Chip NoVaMac macrumors G3

    Chip NoVaMac

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2003
    Location:
    Northern Virginia
    #18
    Gary, first condolences on your loss. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

    About the check. I would cash it, and then get things for her that she would appreciate coming from you.

    Regards,

    Chip
     
  18. neildmitchell macrumors 6502a

    neildmitchell

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    #19
    Ya, but I think it was more of a sign to
    keep in touch, dont forget about me
     
  19. EJBasile macrumors 65816

    EJBasile

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2004
    #20
    I know it is a bit insulting. I don't accept money like from other people. Or sometimes if I buy something for someone and when they try to pay me back I say no.

    My parents always send me money. I'm almost 37. I have a house, cars, I don't need a monthley allowance sent to me. They used to do that when I was in college which was nice. But they still send me money. I always send it back. But a week later another one comes in the mail. My mom and dad always try to offer me money when ever they see me in person. Its quite odd, I know.
     

Share This Page