what's your definition of a date?

Discussion in 'Community' started by shadowfax, Sep 29, 2003.

  1. shadowfax macrumors 603

    shadowfax

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    #1
    as inspired by wdlove, you can also call this thread "the dating thread," though i liked wdlove's unwitting reference to everyone's favorite thread.

    so i ask the question to you--what makes a date? what makes a good date? is there any point to dating? do you think there's anything wrong with the "modern" "system" of dating? care to share some good/bad experiences, give pointers to the rest of us computer-bound losers?

    have at you, guys! ;)
     
  2. wdlove macrumors P6

    wdlove

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    Oct 20, 2002
    #2
    Re: what's your definition of a date?

    Thank you for the consideration shadowfax, it make me feel humble. I wasn't sure if you were serious. I'm anxiously awaiting your post on the subject!
     
  3. Stelliform macrumors 68000

    Stelliform

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    Oct 21, 2002
    #3
    I think a good date is one that you are so happy and excited that you can't stop smiling after the date. (And one where the farthest you went was a kiss. ;))

    But, I never was much into dating. I am so glad that I am married now, so I don't have to try anymore. ;) :p
     
  4. Daveman Deluxe macrumors 68000

    Daveman Deluxe

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    #4
    My definition of "a date" is found in Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary: "an appointment for a specified time, especially a social engagement with the opposite sex". I also expand that to include groups of people in which both sexes are represented.

    Best date ever: my senior prom. We were both there mostly to dance and talk and hold hands and have fun. That's the key to having a good (single) date: both parties should be there for the same (or similar) purpose and then just do it. That's why the senior prom beat the snot out of most of the other dates I've been on.

    I think the main problem with the "modern" system of dating is that it prematurely connotes ownership and exclusivity. Another big issue I have with it is that a lot of people are in it for what ego can get out of it, not for what the other person involved can get out of it. I suppose that's not so much a problem with the system itself as it is with an abuse of the system. Also, the importance of meeting a the other person's family is minimized. Perhaps Gaylord Focker should have thought of meeting Pam's parents BEFORE asking her to marry him. As my friend put it, "If you get married, you're marrying the family too. Even if she hates her parents, she's still a product of them."
     
  5. Mr. Anderson Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

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    Nov 1, 2001
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    VA
    #5
    what is a date? For the wife and I, we try and get out on a date night once a week. Not quite the same once you're married ;)
     
  6. shadowfax thread starter macrumors 603

    shadowfax

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    #6
    Re: Re: what's your definition of a date?

    heh. i never joke, unless i'm kidding. i don't see why this would humble you, though.

    i have pretty meager dating experience, which i must admit i'm somewhat shy about. i posted this thread kind of in the interest of hearing stories and pointers, as i said.

    i've certainly never been "in a relationship," but i've taken a few girls out in more or less an attempt to be in one. it's been said here on mac rumors (i forget who it was) that girls get really weirded out if you first tell them that you're just interested in being friends and then turn around and reveal that you're really into them. i have to say, that was my experience.

    i don't talk to too many girls, for whatever reason--i certainly don't attract much attention from them, and generally don't expend much energy seeking out their company. I had a friend in several of my classes, though, my senior year, and we became rather good friends. while she came from a rather rigid indian family and i from a fairly usual white american family, we found that we had tons in common--exactly the same tastes in music and literature, common intellectual interests, a lot of the same problems with our families, and so on. somewhere in our time together i started feeling very attracted to her, and finally told her. she was rather taken aback at the time, and actually got pretty angry with me. i told her i'd leave her alone and we didn't talk for months... i found it all rather disturbing. i had a very depressing last month of high school on that account. for whatever reason, though, she asked me to sign her yearbook toward the end of the year, and we talked things over for awhile, and ended the year on good, friendly terms.

    over the summer, she went to school down at UT, and as such lived a long way from her family in a dorm, which she found very liberating. i would usually drive down town to visit her a few times a week, though always with mutual friends. occasionally it was the two of us, but we were in a circle of about 5 friends that pretty much always ended up together. in July, though, everyone kind of left. my family was actually out of town too, but more to the point, the three friends in our circle were at harvard, in Israel/Germany, and in Las Vegas, respectively. so she and i spent several nights that week hanging out at coffee shops. this is what i would rather tenuously call dates, heh. we talked for hours and hours, about deeply personal things, about plans and family problems and so on. it was encaptivating, but i guess i realized that it didn't mean the same thing for her as it did for me, so at the end of the week i told her again that i was in love with her (didn't use those words, to whatever end), and she told me that she didn't feel the same way about me, and "could never," but didn't want to dissolve the friendship. we still chat a lot these days, though i never see her, as i'm 6 hours out of austin here at OU.

    that's my story and i'm stickin' to it.
     
  7. tazo macrumors 68040

    tazo

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    #7
    When she mentions how much she likes your sausage
     
  8. zimv20 macrumors 601

    zimv20

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    toronto
    #8
    a casual date is just a couple people doing something.

    for it to be a "real" date, there must be romantic and/or sexual intentions for both parties.

    (and regarding "both," i'm using that as a term of convenience, 'cuz i wouldn't necessarily limit the date and its intentions to 2 people)

    a date is "good" if the people involved have become closer, either physically, emotionally or intellectually (or a combination).
     
  9. mactastic macrumors 68040

    mactastic

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    #9
    A chance to get dressed up and go out with the wife. Went to the local creperie friday night just 'cuz we deserved it. It's nice to be able to spend some relaxing time with the one you love. Dates are nice now, no pressure, no uncertainty, or having to worry if I'm making a bad impression.:p
     
  10. janey macrumors 603

    janey

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    sunny los angeles
    #10
    well i shouldnt say anything, but i did have a great time with josh saturday evening :D
    :eek: it was soooooooooooo much fun.
     
  11. shadowfax thread starter macrumors 603

    shadowfax

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    #11
    so i guess the consensus is that the worst thing about dating is the uncertainty about making an impression, as you all seem to like dating your wives better than before...

    to clarify on the thread, though, the "definition" thing was more of a joke than anything else. i'm much more interested in your experiences. feel free, of course, though, to try to define it and get mired in PCness like my good friend zimv20 :p
     
  12. iJon macrumors 604

    iJon

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    Feb 7, 2002
    #12
    well according to the ladies man it would be dinner and a movie, and dinner meaning sex and movie meaning videotaping.

    iJon
     
  13. topicolo macrumors 68000

    topicolo

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    Ottawa, ON
    #13
    Re: Re: Re: what's your definition of a date?

    Wow shadowfax. It takes quite a bit of courage to come out with that personal story. I guess you've been dying to let it out.
    Personally, I don't think you should worry too much about girls and how you can start relationships with them. Just work on yourself and learn to be more confident and the girls will flock to YOU :). Confidence is key and once you experience that, you'll rarely be infatuated with any one girl anymore (unless you want to be), because you will know that you can have a relationship with practically anyone you want.
     
  14. shadowfax thread starter macrumors 603

    shadowfax

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    #14
    Re: Re: Re: Re: what's your definition of a date?

    eh, i don't think i was dying to let it out, heh. i understand the importance of confidence, but i don't think i'm interested in comforting myself with the idea that i could get anybody i want... anyways, i'm "just" 18, right?

    stories, people! :)
     
  15. Les Kern macrumors 68040

    Les Kern

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    Alabama
    #15
    Used to be dinner, a drink or two to loosen up, a couple/three times around the world, then gackin' on pubic hairs the next morning. Then there's love. I've been married so long I can't even remember what the hell a date is, and I don't care. Get my point? Hope you get over the "lost years" soon, :)
     
  16. mnkeybsness macrumors 68030

    mnkeybsness

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    Location:
    Moneyapolis, Minnesota
    #16
    bad dates:

    finding out she's a lesbian on the third date.

    when she tells you she can't see herself marrying you and you should break up because of it (when you are only 17).

    finding out that she's knows more about you than you know about yourself (she's a stalker).

    when she uncontrollably cries for no reason at all at random.

    when she is a compulsive liar and everything she tells you, you know is a blatant lie.

    good dates:

    when you ask her if she likes your best friend and she admits it...okay this one may be a little complicated to understand why it is good. it's good because it's better than all of the above.

    ps. these all have happened to me, all by different girls.
     
  17. vniow macrumors G4

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    I accidentally my whole location.
    #17
    Pfft, speak for yourself.[​IMG]

    I wish I could say the same, I have this HUGE crush on this girl from my phychology class and I have a really strong feeling that its mutual, there's just one problem.....I think she's straight! Ack!


    [​IMG]
     
  18. shadowfax thread starter macrumors 603

    shadowfax

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    #18
    you'll have to explain this to me. if she's straight, and you're gay, doesn't that mean everything will work out?
     
  19. vniow macrumors G4

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    #19
    Its confusing, I'll know more on Wednesday, so stressed..arrgh..
     
  20. shadowfax thread starter macrumors 603

    shadowfax

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    #20
    just ask her! heh. i asked the cutest girl i've ever met out on a date not too long ago. didn't quite pan out (already taken), but just having the balls (or what have you) to ask was good.
     
  21. vniow macrumors G4

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    I accidentally my whole location.
    #21
    I did! That's why I'm so damn stresed![​IMG]

    When I asked her (last week) she said she'd talk to me about it next week (which would be this Wednesday) so I've been on my toes for the past few days, arrrgh....

    She's really really really cute though but I think she's really really really straight too..
     
  22. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #22
    Do you think you're Ross from Friends??
     
  23. jefhatfield Retired

    jefhatfield

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    Jul 9, 2000
    #23
    everybody should remember their first date, but i don't since i really didn't know the definition of a date back then

    but i do remember my first girlfriend, who i just mentioned about in another thread since today is her birthday

    back in 1980, i was a junior in high school and i went to a saturday night dance at the gym...no big deal and i didn't expect to find anyone to dance with anyway (i was painfully shy) so i thought i would just hang out with the other shy boys and finally just go home...and it was always the same guys who were too shy...we weren't jocks and most of us were in AP classes and in those days it was terribly uncool to be a geek/nerd

    so i walk into the dance and almost immediately, i see this freshman girl and i am awestruck (she looks a lot like kate beckingsale) and up until then i didn't really have a type of girl i liked...but from that moment on, and for many years, i was taken with any girl with white skin and very black hair

    as i look over at her, i see she is glued to two friends and they are like a unit so this makes it three times as hard to just walk over to them to ask any one of them to dance...i figure since i am a junior and they are freshmen, and this is the first dance of the year, they have to at least be as scared as me...so i make the plunge and ask the beautiful celtic looking girl to dance (at this point, i feel so dizzy that i think i may pass out)...and when she turns to me and looks at me with those blue eyes, and then smiles and says "yes", i feel like i will certainly lose my balance

    here i am just within the first week of my junior year, and a pretty decent student looking forward to the SATs, and i meet a girl who says, "yes"...man, i have a feeling i will be a bad student from now on because i won't be able to focus on studies...he he...but anyway, the song is some 70s rock tune and we nervously dance to it and i notice that she is very graceful while i feel like an uncoordinated idiot...i notice that she is shy and does not look at me that much but when she does, she has such a beautiful smile

    then, the scary thing happens...oh no!...a slow song...it's a romanitic ballad called "hot rod hearts" and between the transition between the fast song and this slow song, i have to make my move...again i get very dizzy and things get blurry...but what the heck, right?...so i ask her to dance...so we get very close and hold each other and dance...i don't know what i am doing but at least anybody can do this since there are really no steps involved per se

    but here i am holding her hand, her body touching mine, and i just asked her to dance...within ten minutes these are all firsts in my life for me...i wonder if she knows that...previously in my life, i had never even got within a foot of a girl and now here i am at a dance where i never expected anything to happen...i could feel her warm presence as i take in her sweet perfume...it's almost too much for me to handle

    ...so i guess as i recall that life changing september night 23 years ago, i guess i could call this my first date in a sense and it's kind of funny i am making this post on her birthday

    happy birthday natalie,

    from danny

    :)
     
  24. lmalave macrumors 68000

    lmalave

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    Chinatown NYC
    #24
    It's a "real" date anytime one or both parties have romantic expectations. For example, I once went out to dinner with a friend and at some point during the dinner I thought to myself: "hmm...she seems kind of nervous...almost as if.......oh no, I'm on a freakin' date!!!" Not that she wasn't a lovely girl, but I wasn't thinking of her in that way.

    A "good" date for me is any date where there's good chemistry established. Notice I was deliberately vague in both of my answers. I've done everything on a first date from just going to a coffeshop in the corner, to skydiving. I think the particular location or activity matters less than the people involved.

    One thing I will say, though, is I'm not really into the modern, super-casual approach to dating. It seems like most younger people especially think it's too much to go out to dinner on a first date - a group activity or something more casual is preferred. It's like no one's willing to really put themselves on the line anymore. I guess I'm just old fashioned - I still prefer the traditional dinner and drinks date. So my current approach is to ask a girl out for drinks at a relatively early time (say 8 or 9). So if it's going well I can say: "hey, you wanna go get something to eat? Such-and-such place near here is great..." Either that or go to another bar/club. Just something to keep the night going...
     
  25. mnkeybsness macrumors 68030

    mnkeybsness

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    Location:
    Moneyapolis, Minnesota
    #25
    no...i think i'm cursed...

    actually there is this girl that likes me, but i have no interest in her at all because she smokes not only cigarettes, but weed...and LOTS of it...like every day...so i need to find a way to get rid of her...and my friends want me to completely crush her so she gets weird on me so they can hear the story and have more good laughs...all of my friends just love to hear the stories of my psycho ex girlfriends and stalkers.
     

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