Would you let your 18 year old son sleep over his girlfriend's house?

Discussion in 'Community' started by johnbro23, Sep 24, 2005.

  1. macrumors 6502a

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    Pittsburgh, PA
    #1
    Lets say his girlfriends parents say it's ok for them to sleep in the same room. Also, lets say that you also know that your son is having sex. Lets also say that your son has been going out with this girl for 3 months. So would you let him or not?
     
  2. macrumors 65816

    whocares

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    #2
    1. Why wouldn't you let him?
    2. Why is this your business ? (I'm assuming GF is also 18 or above)
     
  3. Moderator emeritus

    Mitthrawnuruodo

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    Mar 10, 2004
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    Bergen, Norway
    #3
    Well, since a person is legally adult when 18 in Norway (though you only have to be 16 to have sex legally), how could I prevent him...? :confused:

    ...and why...???
     
  4. macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2005
    #4
    If both your son and his gal are over 18, then yes. If you think about it, you don't really have that much say in the matter. If he wants to, he's a consenting adult. However, if you don't want him to, then just hint that you're not happy with it
     
  5. Moderator emeritus

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2004
    #5
    Yes... although I don't have any children. It was exactly what I was allowed to do at 18 with the proviso that I took precautions. 18 is/was way past the age of legal consent at the time...

    If you know that they're already having sex then encouraging them to be responsible and open is a far better way to go than by curtailing it and forcing them to sneak around behind your back.
     
  6. Moderator emeritus

    edesignuk

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    London, England
    #6
    I would have to agree with the others, if you "allow" it or not is irrelevant, it's not your call anymore.
     
  7. thread starter macrumors 6502a

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    #7
    Let's say the girl is almost 18, but they're in the same grade (seniors in high school).
     
  8. macrumors G3

    puckhead193

    Joined:
    May 25, 2004
    Location:
    NY
    #8
    when i was a senior in high school i slept over my GF house but it was a bunch of people... if their friends are gonna be their yes, but if it just the too of them and their parents aren't home.... then nope i wouldn't....
    at least he told you truthfully that he wants to sleep over his GF house, instead of saying he's sleeping over one of his friends house....
    Did he give a reason why he wants to... Ie they are going to a club and are going to be home late
     
  9. macrumors Core

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    Jan 6, 2004
    #9
    i would let him, especially if the girl's parents are okay with it. just make sure its safe sex
     
  10. macrumors 68000

    Deepdale

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    #10
    Permission is academic at this point ... the answer is yes. If he's not intruding into your sex life, I see no compelling reason for you to do so in his. As an adult, one will presume he is aware of all the necessary precautions that people should take.
     
  11. macrumors 68000

    Deepdale

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    #11
    But don't lurk in the bushes and attempt to look through any available spot to ensure that it is. :)
     
  12. thread starter macrumors 6502a

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    #12
    So this kid is a straight A student and is very bright. But he argues with his parents a lot and, like any other teenager, is disrespectful. Should any of these factors influence a parent's decision? On one hand, he has proven to be responsible, saving money and getting good grades. On the other hand, he's moody and often shuts himself off from the rest of the family.
     
  13. macrumors 601

    eva01

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    #13
    if he is 18 you can't do **** about it. You can force him to pay rent thou ^_^
    and if the girl isn't 18 yet, then it is rape
     
  14. Moderator emeritus

    devilot

    Joined:
    May 1, 2005
    #14
    YES! I strongly feel that what you've mentioned definitely has an impact! If he is bright, he is more likely to get in trouble and if he tends to 'shut himself off from the rest of the family' then shooting him down when he finally opens up and tells the truth and offers some insight into his 'closed' life would be detrimental in my book!

    By all means, talk about all of this with him instead of just thinking it over. If he is bright and has shown responsibility as you say, then give him the chance to discuss this situation w/ you. Even if you aren't comfortable w/ allowing him to, then say so! Tell him that you'd rather he didn't but that honestly, you will support him if he still chose too. Tell him that you know he is bright and responsible and assuch you'd expect no less from him than to practice safe sex should things escalate to that level.

    But he has shown initiative in telling you the truth... show him the respect he deserves because yes, respect is a two-way street. He has respected the parent (sorry got carried away by saying 'you' and whatnot instead of 'his parent') enough to bring this up the parent should do well by him and return that respect.
     
  15. macrumors 604

    clayj

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    #15
    Er, not necessarily. Age of consent laws vary widely... in most jurisdictions, an 18-year-old and a 17-year-old can pretty much do whatever they want.
     
  16. macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2002
    #16
    Yes. I'd give him condoms and lube, and a stern talking-to about what happens if he gets a girl pregnant, but yes.

    If he were gay, I'd just give him the condoms and lube and wish him well. ;) "The gays are so much easier." -Bobbi Adler
     
  17. macrumors 601

    eva01

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    #17
    really, well i did not know that, go figure.
     
  18. macrumors 68020

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  19. macrumors 6502a

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    #19
    Frankly, as you've discovered, if he really wants to engage in sex, at his age, he's going to. So I'd make the most of whatever influence you have left. Let him know how you feel and what your concerns (pregnancy, STDs, emotional maturity) are. And let him make the decision (which he's going to make anyway) in an educated and prepared way.

    If you say "No way" but his brain/heart/penis says "Right now," then you're just bashing your head against a wall.

    Sure, you can always threaten to kick him out--and do it--but think carefully what that'll do in the long run.
     
  20. macrumors 68000

    Leareth

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    Vancouver
    #20
    At 18 you are pretty much responsible for your actions, and your parents can't really dictate how you are suppossed to run your life. However if you live with your parents in their house, you have to abide by their rules. If they say no staying at girlfriends house while you live with them , well you have two choices, do what they say or move out on your own. I see no reason why two consenting and responsible people could not meet and have some fun as long as both parental units are OK with their kids screwing another kid in their house... and by kids I mean any age, no matter how old one is they are always a kid to their parents :)
     
  21. macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2002
    #21
    I think at your age it is your parent's responsibility to provide for you. That isn't arguable. What is arguable is how they will provide moral/ethical/behavioral guidance to you--and I don't think that trying to stop you from doing something that (a) you're already doing, (b) you're going to do as soon as you can, (c) you're going to do anyway, and (d) that can be done safely. You are your own person and can make your own actions, choices, and (perhaps) mistakes. I think any parent that at your age of 18 tries to tell you where you can or cannot go, at whose house you can or cannot sleep over, or what girl you can or cannot like/love/date/****, is overparenting.

    Cut the umbilical cord and start making your own choices--your parents need to cope with your adulthood.
     
  22. macrumors 68000

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    Aug 5, 2005
    #22
    Erm.. no. Over here, the consenting age is 16, which is what it is most of europe, and, iirc, the US. Yes, that's right. You have to be 16 to have sex, but 18 to watch other people have sex :confused:
     
  23. macrumors 68020

    yippy

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    Mar 14, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    #23
    I would say yes. Usually one is more concerned with the girl as the consequences can be harsher for them (they are the ones who get pregnate) and if her parents are ok with it then it is probably fine. Also, he is 18 and an adult so tequinicaly you can't tell him. Also, you said he has already so it is not like it would be something new (ie, they both know that they are ok with it).

    About the age of consent. It does vary widely depending on where you are. In the U.S. it gets as low as 14 for males and 16 for females in some states. You can check out the age of consent for most anywhere in the world here.
     
  24. macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

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    Feb 19, 2005
    #24
    At some point you have to stop being a parent to a child and be a parent to an adult. he is 18, he can do what he wants.
     
  25. macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2005
    #25
    He is going to sleep with her no matter what you do, regardless if he sleeps their or not.

    Just this way he doesnt have to lie to you and he isnt going to be sneaking around.

    Let the kid get some without making it so difficult :)
     

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