Discussion in 'Community' started by IIvan, Dec 28, 2004.

  1. IIvan macrumors regular

    Nov 21, 2003
    i havent posted for while, mostly cuz of my gf. but i have to see if any of you have any knowledge here.

    THe last couple few weeks she has been really depressed and i have been worried about her alot. Now she has decided that she wants to run away and llive with me in another state. So I was like, OK, ill go with ya. But now- Ive discovered that she's totally ****ing serious! For real! SHe wants to go like 2000 miles from here and get an apartment and jobs, and the whole works! Im not sure if I want to go through with it or not (im legal tho- so its not the same)- but what im really worried about is that she will really regret this in the future. I remember when i was younger having similar fantasies- and i eventhually grew out of them- i just dont know. is it better to let her go- or should i be mature, and not? Is it worth shelving all future plans for street reality?

    have any of you ever run away for real (im talkin like seriously starting to live somewhere- not like just a fight w/parents)? I hate to be the soap opera guy but geez

    any help is appreciated- thanx
  2. Thomas Veil macrumors 68020

    Thomas Veil

    Feb 14, 2004
    I'm not sure we can give you a good answer to that until we know more.

    First of all, is she underage? If you're "legal" (I take that to mean over 18) and you go with her, you could be charged with kidnapping. (This happened to someone I know. He ended up being jailed for a time.)

    Second, why does she want to leave? It had better be something awfully, awfully serious to warrant ripping up your life and hers and starting over.

    Third, if it is serious (like parental abuse), isn't there a better way of handling it?

    Fourth, is there anything really going on, or is she just severely depressed? As a depression sufferer (now treated), I can tell you that you can get quite desperate over what are really pretty insignificant things. Before you do anything, it might be a good idea to see if she'll get herself evaluated.

    Whatever you do, don't just run off. Your gut is sending you early-warning signals. Listen to them.
  3. MacDawg macrumors P6


    Mar 20, 2004
    "Between the Hedges"
    I concur wholeheartedly with Thomas Veil, we need more information, and quite frankly, so do you. Dig a little (no, a lot) deeper before you do something impulsive. You will be glad you did.

    Woof, Woof - Dawg
  4. gwuMACaddict macrumors 68040


    Apr 21, 2003
    washington dc
    i'm joining the crowd, more info? how old are you two? i'm guessing if you're calling it 'running away' instead of 'packing up and moving' that you're way too young to be 'running away'

    just a guess... :(
  5. apple2991 macrumors 6502

    May 20, 2004
    For a second I dreaded that this was another World of Warcraft thread.

    If you two leave wherever it is you live, at least one of you will end up regretting it (most likely). It sounds as if at least one of you has emotional problems that need to be handled--"running away" will only postpone that until the excitement of being somewhere new sets in, and the reality of having to find a job, place to live (separate places unless you two plan on living together) and supporting yourself in a completely unknown place hits you.

    Additionally, if you two run away together, what do you do when the relationship starts to go through problems? From the limited amount you said, your girlfriend doesn't necessarily sound like the type to deal with and talk about her problems in a rational way, and that will bleed into your relationship come high water. Would you feel ripped off or resentful if she uprooted you, took you 2000 miles away, and you two broke up 3 months or even a year later? I don't mean to sound like an assumptuous jerk, but it sounds like she might be sort of escapist--a girl who hides from problems by fantasizing and romanticizing something else. That "something else" could be a college somewhere, a far off land to which she will run away and leave her worries behind, or even a relationship with a boy.

    Basically, I would highly recommend against it. Maybe what she needs is help at home, or help dealing with what is happening at home--you can help with that, without having to leave the life you have. Possibly suggesting that she see a therapist to talk with, or even ask your friends and family if they know any good ones, and just leave her the number. Take her out for a nice day in the park and just talk to her, try to figure out exactly why she feels running away is a good idea; not in a confrontational way, but in the caring, I-love-you-and-want-the-best-for-you way that I know you have.

    But hey, maybe I'm totally wrong and it would be awesome. Just don't you go unless you feel like it is COMPLETELY what you want, otherwise a resentment will build in you and will affect your relationship.
  6. Littleodie914 macrumors 68000


    Jun 9, 2004
    Rochester, NY
    :D :D :D

    Woah... Sounds kinda suspicious man. People usually don't decide on a whim to pack up and move far away. Sit down with her and seriously figure out why she wants to go, why not just stay where you are, what she plans on doing there, etc. And yea, how the heck old are you guys? You say you're legal, but you know, she kinda has to be legal too. :rolleyes:
  7. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
    Are you in Uni? Did you ever plan on going to Uni? Will this mess things up?

    Is your gf a lot younger than you?

    What type of job are you going to get? Are you going to be happy with a dead-end job and no Uni degree?

    Does moving 2000 miles away mean that you're going to mess things up with your own family just for the sake of your gf? It may mean that you won't have that happy family waiting for you back home whenever you want to visit, say during the holidays, for example.

    This sounds like a bad bad plan. You know it. I know it. That's why you're asking, isn't it?
    If she's getting verbally or physically abused at home and wants to start afresh with you, and you've been dating a long time and are certain that you have a strong, long-lasting relationship, then sure, but her case for moving better be f***ing strong, because your life and relationship with other people around you will be different forever.
  8. IIvan thread starter macrumors regular

    Nov 21, 2003
    im 18, and she i going to be 17 in about 3 months. the reason she wants to go is that she really hates her life here. SHe always has underneath to some degree, but lately its just gotten a lot worse. i spend entire days wth her where she feels just incurably awful. The other reason may be that we kind of had a taste of this living for survival when hurricane Ivan hit here a few months ago (this is far from reality i know- but still, i dont think she does)

    SHe does have a too dramatic personality at times, and this is why I agreed to this idea- I figured she'd drop it soon enough, and I try to support her all I can. I have kind of decided that i dont want to becuase i do have college lined up, and am really looking forward to going this summer. Also i have worked low-paying jobs for a couple of years now, and i know how little fun they are. She really is going to do this if i dont stop here though- and Im afraid that maybe i should. I guess that this would be moving away for me- and running awy for her. Would this fall under kidnapping federally? im afraid that it might.

    anyway- any thoughts are appreciated- especially if you have done this- or know of any way i could get her to realize that this might be a big mistake
  9. wdlove macrumors P6


    Oct 20, 2002
    My first thought when you said that she has been depressed lately and then wants to take this trip, brings up a red flag. You both are very young, just out of high school. Not knowing her history, but does she seem to have high and low mood swings? If so she could be Bipolar or Manic Depressive. The last thing that she needs to do is to run away. These are some things to consider. Don't want to put a wet blanket, but it could be a serious mistake. You should talk with someone that has known her for awhile and that you can trust.
  10. Converted2Truth macrumors 6502a


    Feb 6, 2004
    Last month my wife tried to convince me to sell everything and move to Alaska. This month it's Hawaii. Every year since i met her. Utah, California, Florida, you name it. She's so persistant..., but i just don't have the balls. I keep telling myself that in any case, i (and the family i support) will be better off if i have a degree... which is why i work two crappy paying jobs and go to school full-time. Sure it sucks right now, and my wife is misserable in this forsaken state/city, but hopefully it will give us some freedom in the future to be spontaneous.

    In your situation it's different cause you haven't started school yet. Also there's the whole legality issue. Convince her to stay with you until it's legal. That will also give her time to think it through more. Talk about what your goals are. Sometimes we have to trudge through seriously annoying and uncomfortable years for the sake of education and stuff. Ultimately, you are the guy who knows how attached you are to each other, and what your options are. At this point in your life, i see three options

    1. Go move wherever(with at least 2k in the bank -take care of rent) and then start school there after you gain residency

    2. Stay where your at, having convinced her it's the 'right' thing to do. Running isn't always the answer, and sometimes it makes things worse.

    3. You decide that this chick isn't your cup o tea and hit the clubs until school starts.

    I still think you should support her emotionally though. She's looking for her 'Happy Place', when happiness is more a state of mind than anything else.
  11. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040


    Sep 13, 2003
    Its not so much where you are as when you are.
    Blah blah Mann Act.
    Blah blah Federal bang you in the Blah blah prison.
    Blah blah hurricane season freak event.
    Blah blah therapy.
  12. stubeeef macrumors 68030


    Aug 10, 2004
    IT WILL, and hatz off to your hard work and dedication.
  13. Thomas Veil macrumors 68020

    Thomas Veil

    Feb 14, 2004
    Well, okay, there is a legal issue (her age). In addition to which, whatever city she wants to move to, her depression is just going to follow her there, so in reality nothing will change (except that you'll both be trying to survive on Wal-Mart incomes; if she thinks she's got it bad now....).

    Uh-uh. Do what Converted2Truth says. Stand by her, try to get her to seek evaluation/help, and try to keep her from doing anything foolish.
  14. IIvan thread starter macrumors regular

    Nov 21, 2003
    does this cover me if there isnt any illegal activities she/we are going to be engaged in?

    im thinking you guys are right, the more i think about it, the worse an idea it seems. Im going to have a long talk with her tomorrow. Ill try to convince her that this is not a good idea- and come up with some alternatives. sorry to be such a dork- but i was really freaked out last night when i realized how serious she was.

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