27 years ago I may have got my gf pregnant.

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by 63dot, Dec 19, 2008.

  1. 63dot macrumors 603

    63dot

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Location:
    norcal
    #1
    I live in a very small town, and had first love/hs sweetheart at 18. We used protection but were not experienced. Shortly after, I went off to college, saw her a few months later, then once again a few years later.

    I am Asian and she is white of German/English descent.

    Now, a more than a quarter of a century later, I am in law school and buddy up with two others to join a law school group. One guy, age 26, is Eurasian, born in my small town but raised in Yugoslavia, and then went to hs here in the states and recently finished UCLA a couple years back. We get along famously.

    Then I confess I may have got a girl pregnant way back when. Then he tells me he was born in my small town and wasn't raised by real parents. He cried, and it was awkward. Today I meet his so called father from Bosnia.

    What do I say? What do I do, and there is no direct evidence, just very convincing circumstantial evidence which both of us know having studied together for criminal law midterms and torts midterms. I am at a loss for words.

    To me and my wife, he is already like our son so whether he is or not, he's family if you know what I mean.
     
  2. Schtumple macrumors 601

    Schtumple

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Location:
    benkadams.com
    #2
    Unless there's direct evidence that he is in fact your son, I wouldn't get involved or say anything further, I think this is just a strange case of coincidence.
     
  3. 63dot thread starter macrumors 603

    63dot

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Location:
    norcal
    #3
    funny thing is that neither of us care, we are already family, so no hard feelings

    but i have to find ex gf and find out truth if she is willing to tell all to me, if not then there's nothing i can do legally
     
  4. arkitect macrumors 603

    arkitect

    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2005
    Location:
    Bath, United Kingdom
    #4
    If this:
    is true

    Then why:
    ?

    Be careful what you get into.
    Good luck…
     
  5. xUKHCx Administrator emeritus

    xUKHCx

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2006
    Location:
    The Kop
    #5
    Can't you get a paternity test assuming the son agrees.
     
  6. synth3tik macrumors 68040

    synth3tik

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2006
    Location:
    Minneapolis, MN
    #6
    You know that would be incredible if he just happened to be your son. Ending up in the same school and everything. You could sell it to NBC or something.

    I would think you would be better off to let him tell you what his adopted father told him. I would imagine that it would be extremely awkward for everyone if you started asking his adopted father all these questions.
     
  7. yojitani macrumors 68000

    yojitani

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2005
    Location:
    An octopus's garden
    #7
    My thought would be to have a dna test done if he's willing, but contacting the ex might be a bad idea.
     
  8. és: macrumors 6502a

    és:

    #8
    Is the correct and appropriate advice. Although it is fairly unlikely.
     
  9. Sun Baked macrumors G5

    Sun Baked

    Joined:
    May 19, 2002
    #9
    Usual male response in the US is ... if they don't know where you are, and haven't come after you for money. Don't poke them with a stick.
     
  10. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
    #10
    Why did you mention to him that you "may" have gotten a girl pregnant at all. You say you were using protection, so either there's something you're not telling us, you're you're a paranoid mofo.
     
  11. 63dot thread starter macrumors 603

    63dot

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Location:
    norcal
    #11
    In the first few times you use a condom, and you are 18, then yes, you get paraoid. What if one of those swimmers got out? :) Unless you have been there, 18, not a virgin anymore, and being sent off to college far away a few months later, this thought goes around and around in your mind.

    When your girlfriend says she missed three periods in a row, then you get spooked!! But it is not 100% percent uncommon for a girl that age to miss 3 periods. It does not mean she is pregnant.

    Let's say I find out the young man is my son, well I will hug him like I always have, and then we will each eat nachos and beer, and study the law textbooks like usual. Luckily it's that close of a relationship. We see them today anyway, and I won't bring it up unless they do, otherwise, time will hopefully reveal what needs to be revealed.

    My wife and I jokingly said, we would then have him move into our house, but bring no girlfriends over, and hold a strict curfew at 10 p.m., until he passes the bar. :)
     
  12. Sun Baked macrumors G5

    Sun Baked

    Joined:
    May 19, 2002
    #12
    I would have been spooked when she started running to the bathroom a lot to throw up and pee.
     
  13. és: macrumors 6502a

    és:

    #13
    Its when a baby pops out of her vagina that you need to start to panic.
     
  14. floyde macrumors 6502a

    floyde

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Location:
    Monterrey, México
    #14
    Lol, thanks for that, I've been wanting to use this for a while:

    [​IMG]
     
  15. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #15
    What the Hell were you smoking/drinking/whatever??

    Who told you this??
     
  16. bradl macrumors 68040

    bradl

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2008
    #16
    What he is saying is while it isn't absolutely uncommon for a woman to miss 3 periods, it isn't absolutely common, either. It is possible to miss 3 (or more) cycles and not be pregnant.

    BL.
     
  17. 63dot thread starter macrumors 603

    63dot

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Location:
    norcal
    #17
    Despite my advanced years, I don't know about the peeing part, but the morning sickness was a symptom of hers (hs sweetheart girlfriend). I know, this does not sound like a coincidence. Maybe she just had food poisoning for a few months?

    My wife and I are going to meet so-called dad with son in a few minutes. Anyway, wish us all luck. Maybe it's just a big coincidence. Date of Birth, same tiny hospital, Eurasian in an 85% percent white area, parents not raising child?, "grandparents" raising child instead, personality of child like mine and my mothers whole side of family, child's resemblance to ex-girlfriend, etc.

    So-called dad is from my current wife's relatives' region of the world around the same small lake in Macedonia. Kind of weird this six degrees of separation. If we are not related in one way, we may be in another way. Anyway, bonds are established. :)
     
  18. mysterytramp macrumors 65816

    mysterytramp

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2008
    Location:
    Maryland
    #18
    No matter what, it sounds like you have very strong bonds. A paternity test might ruin it. If it's important to him, pursue it. If not, maybe it's something to keep to yourself. Don't fix what ain't broken.

    mt
     
  19. bradl macrumors 68040

    bradl

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2008
    #19
    That's a tough call, though.

    I would partially agree if the son were willingly given up for adoption. But if he didn't know, and the father didn't know and the son's parents (who raised him) didn't know, that is a really touch call. Either way, obviously the people who raised him as their own will always be the son's parents, but I think they all have a right to know, even just to close a chapter would remain open until their graves.

    What is the great thing about this is that they all are getting together to even see if it is possible. Either way, there is something there that won't be taken away.

    The bigger question though.. is why the mother didn't say anything all this time..

    BL.
     
  20. 63dot thread starter macrumors 603

    63dot

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Location:
    norcal
    #20
    Tonight we got absolute confirmation that he is not my son, though very much family, if you know what I mean. We had a great feast. It was like finding long lost relatives. :)
     
  21. thomahawk macrumors 6502a

    thomahawk

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2008
    Location:
    Osaka, Japan
    #21
    thats a relief. staying the best of friends is always a good thing
     
  22. 63dot thread starter macrumors 603

    63dot

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2006
    Location:
    norcal
    #22
    That's for sure. Thanks guys/gals for all the support.

    Sometimes actions we do as 18 year olds can possibly have repercussions decades later in our future. This time I dodged a bullet?, but anyway, really, wife and I see this young kid (26/27 is extremely young) as our son anyway. Funny how the stars line up. While looking for family that may or may not have been there, we found "family". :)
     
  23. Eraserhead macrumors G4

    Eraserhead

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2005
    Location:
    UK
    #23
    Is that even possible?
     
  24. mactastic macrumors 68040

    mactastic

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Location:
    Colly-fornia
  25. Cleverboy macrumors 65816

    Cleverboy

    Joined:
    May 25, 2007
    Location:
    Pocket Universe, nth Dimensional Complex Manifold
    #25
    I wish you loads of luck with this, and that it all works out for the best. One note though, I think its odd to say "so called dad". Without much more information, if the man did raise the boy as his own, adopted or otherwise, I think there's "dad" and "biological father". While its not so in this case, sometimes biological fathers have next to no role in a child's life, and the idea that they suddenly roll in and assume a mantle of "dad", no matter how nice they are... seems a disrespect to whoever's been doing the dad-duties for so many years. If that's what they actually did to earn the title. I say this just as a note of caution that the term "real father" doesn't accidentally slip out instead of "biological father". Could make things oogey.

    ~ CB
     

Share This Page