From this site http://www.pilgrimsjournal.org/pj/boobies.html A Treatise On Boobies - by a lifelong fan Introduction boobies, boobs, breasts, mammies, bosoms, titties, tits, hooters, knockers, jugs, funbags, sweater puppies... What's with our fascination? I'm not just talking to the guys here. Our society is completely obsessed with the breast. Whether you think they're proof of a benevolent God (thank you Lord!!!) or completely unacceptable, you're probably still obsessed with them. Guys wanna see 'em. Guys and girls both judge women by their boobs. I know I can't speak for girls, but I will anyway: girls think about them, wish they had bigger ones, are intimidated by girls with a nice rack, use them as a weapon to win favor of either gender, and on and on. I am not a breast expert. I'm no Maestro d'Melon. In fact, this entire article probably contains no facts at all, and certainly does not contain hands-on research. Er... you know what I mean. Maybe. My only qualification for even writing this article is: I am an American male, therefore "I like teh booby". So, now that you don't take me seriously, I'm going to use the opportunity to share some observations about culture, history, taboos, sexuality, and maybe even a bit about freedom and communication. History of Boobies in Western Civilization Ok. I don't know anything about the history of boobies. But here's some stuff I've been told: up until the 1400s - Scholars consider this period the "Dark Age". It was so dark that people couldn't see each other, much less their boobies. So, mankind didn't discover the breast until the... 1500s - 1600s - Rennaisance painters adore the human figure. Nude paintings end up all over churches, for cryin' out loud (try to imagine a nude painting at a church today...). And, it seems women walked around showing off their breasts in those days (I Googled for "boobs 17th century" to find this quote at http://www.newsandevents.warwick.ac.uk/index.cfm?page=pressrelease&id=1858 ): Historian Angela McShane Jones from the University of Warwick said: In the 1600s it was fairly commonplace for women to bare their breasts in public. The fashions were initiated by court members and Queens, then replicated by ordinary women, and common prostitutes. 17th century fashion, rather than demeaning women, could be empowering. The extremely low cut dresses were designed to encourage men to look but not to touch. They empowered some women to use their sexuality. 1700s - In America, Puritans rule. The body is considered evil, so the boobies get covered back up. Guilt and bannination remove the unforgivable from society, leaving only those who have never sinned (in theory). 1800s - According to the Westerns I've seen (which are few, because I hate movies that have horses in them), barmaids sport the latest in super-cleavage fashion. Strangely, though, ankles become the new hot body item. Tablecloths that reach the floor are used, because men even got hot about table ankles. (so I've heard. Googling for "sexual ankles tablecloth" comes up with plenty of uselessness). From what I hear, the Japanese are pretty hot about thin ankles. Let me speak for most American guys: ankles??? I have never, not even once, looked at an ankle in a sexual way. 1900s - Bras make their way into mainstream society. I guess perky is considered younger, and younger is more good... gooder. By the 1960s, feminists are taking them back off and burning them. I don't know what that means, but it sounds hot. National Geographic is invented, where young men everywhere learn about interesting, yet "primitive" cultures who haven't figured out yet that they're naked. 2000s - After 20 minutes' worth of a stageful of people grinding and groping each other in sexually suggestive manners, good family fun is ruined when Janet Jackson has a "wardrobe malfunction". All 280 million Americans, who have never seen one of these evil body parts, are completely shocked (many to the point of litigation). Europeans get a good laugh, until they realize we're serious. Then they laugh harder. Which brings us to the present. What can we learn from history? Well, for starters, we can't make up our mind when it comes to boobies. Second, it seems that the sexual attraction for boobies is relative. Do you think those tribal men in the National Geographic are as sexually attracted to boobies? I wonder if, for them, it's so much more natural that you hear a guy say, "Yeah, when I look for a girl, I look for a good personality and a nice rack", but all his buddies know that what really catches his attention is what's under her loincloth. None of them are saying it, but they're all thinking it. Enough with the hard facts. I'm moving on to... Why I Like Breasts? I've been thinking about this a lot. For the longest time, I thought it was really wrong for me to be very attracted to that part of the woman's body. In America, it's much more respectable to say you like long hair, or pretty eyes. And, it's starting to become more acceptable to say you like butts (much thanks to the African and Latino cultures for breaking the ice there). I have a theory about the butt thing: there's a divide about what makes a butt a nice butt. Plenty of girls I know want to have no butt or hips at all; they want to be leg all the way up to the stomach. Some guys I know like that; but other guys like full butts. It's easy for us to see how relative it is, culturally, because of how different the white culture sees butts as compared to the black/latino culture. It's all starting to mix up, which is great. Personally, I like big butts and I cannot lie. Actually, I find it *very* easy to joke about liking butts, even though I'm not wildly attracted to butts of any kind. To me, butts accentuate a woman's figure, and don't tend to be the focal point, but that's just me. However, because we somehow find it easy to joke about butts, I tend to joke about them often. However, I have never found it easy to joke about liking breasts. For some reason, current American culture looks down on guys who really like boobs. They see it as a sexist mindset, or perverted at best. I've recently come to grips with the notion that I like boobs, and that's ok. Here are some of my reasonings: God made boobs; they can't be that bad Boobs are there to feed the children, and that's got to be a good thing If I was born a hundred years ago, to a different family and set of experiences (like the 1800's West or tribal Africa), I might have been indifferent towards them. I may have liked ankles, who knows. And, in those circumstances, someone who liked boobs wouldn't have been unnacceptable. But those ankle perverts? *shudder* Guys just like 'em, who cares why Truth be told, I think people are just naturally fascinated with what they're not allowed to know. Socks were probably all the rave in the early 1800s, so guys started going nuts for ankles. By insisting on extreme censorship, maybe we're creating perverts out of a very normal attraction. In fact, within the breast-loving community (read: men), there are many different opinion, all coming from personal interpretation, which tends to further prove how relative our morals are. Some of you have assumed that by admitting I like breasts, I'm saying I prefer large breasts. Sorry, you're wrong. I happen to think that proportion is the key to nice boobs (proportional to body shape, especially hips & butt), and that smoothness and curves are preferable to angles. I think implants are absolutely foul. But, ask another guy and he may say he likes 'em huge. Another guy may like firm, athletic boobs. Some guys like implants. Maybe some American guys don't care for boobies at all (but I couldn't name you one). By saying that views about breasts are relative, I'm not implying that boobs are not sexual at all. Traditionally, breast and hip sizes have been (artistically, at least) linked to fertility. For some men and women, nipples are extremely sensitive and their touch is considered sexual. But, the body is full of locations that can be excited by touch, many of them not considered bad or sexual (lips, neck, etc.). Maybe it makes more sense to put the breasts with this group of semi-personal sensitive parts, instead of classifying them as overtly sexual or even as genitalia. Freeing the Funbags So, how do we steer society back to the point where it's ok to joke about breasts and admit to liking them? My suggestion is civil disobedience: girls, if you're still reading this, it is your privelage -- nay, duty -- to walk around topless from now on. Just kidding. If all women got together and decided to start going around topless, society would devolve into anarchy for a few weeks minimum. But, what we do need is a hearty dose of communication and openness. If each girl knew more about how and why guys like boobs, she'd probably be more comfortable with herself -- realizing that there's a sect of guys out there who are obsessed with the exact kind of boobs she has. Guys who like boobies but who are ashamed can "come clean" and admit to the world that breasts are awesome. Eventually, they'd become a respectable thing to like in a girl, and the widespread obsession would quiet down to a mild murmur. The worst thing we could do is censor boobies even more. Imagine if showing breasts became illegal. Breastfeeding would be a shunned activity. Great paintings from our past would be removed from art books and museums. And, no doubt, guys would like boobies even more, and would find illegal ways to see them (think: Prohibition). No, we should celebrate the boob. Brave men (and women) everywhere should openly admit that breasts are fantastic. And, I'm here to do my part. *cue American-flag waving background* I'm Clint, and I love boobies.