..::abstinence::..

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by iMacZealot, Sep 12, 2007.

  1. iMacZealot macrumors 68020

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    #1
    ..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..:::..​
    What do you think about it? Are you planning on waiting to engage in sex until marriage? Or have you already engaged in it? Do you regret it? What are your feelings on abstinence?

    As for me, I'm not really sure. I don't want to risk illegitimacy, nor my heart being broken, but I've decided to not make a decision on this topic until the circumstances change so that it's a realistic dilemma for me to think about.

    How about you?
     
  2. Iscariot macrumors 68030

    Iscariot

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  3. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #3
    It's up to each individual. I've had lots of "experience" shall we say and I don't regret it one bit. There are different ways to experience sex, whether it be a one night stand or in a committed relationship. Both have their ups and downs. I've done several years of monogamy and lots of one nighters too. I can't say I prefer one over the other to be quite honest. I think the most important thing in life is to have many close friends. That seems to work for me no matter if I'm single or in a relationship. Again, it's a personal choice. No one should do or not do anything they aren't comfortable with.
     
  4. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #4
    Hahaha.

    I'm not into abstinence at all, but I'm not into promiscuous sex either. I think the biggest misconception a lot of the abstinence crowd has is that if you have sex you automatically become this unstoppable sex machine that will do everyone in sight. I'm fine if people want to practice abstinence, but when they start chastising me for my decision to have sex is when I take issue with them.
     
  5. iMacZealot thread starter macrumors 68020

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    Are you ever heartbroken after you've been intimate with your partner and then break up? How does that feel?
     
  6. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #6
    Breaking up sucks if you've had sex with someone or haven't had sex with them. It's just a part of being in a relationship. I certainly wouldn't advise anybody to have sex if they aren't able to cope emotionally after a break-up, because that person would likely have a lot more problems than it appears. It will hurt, but you get over it. It's no big deal.

    (I've only had two sexual partners. In retrospect, leaving the first one was the best thing ever I did, and I'm currently with the second.)
     
  7. iMacZealot thread starter macrumors 68020

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    Do you still speak to the first one?
     
  8. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #8
    No. We were friends before we dated, and friends for a few years after we broke up. I stopped talking to her when I took an objective look at our friendship and realized she was a selfish bitch. My life is better for it.
     
  9. iMacZealot thread starter macrumors 68020

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    Was it hard remaining friends with her after the breakup?

    (Sorry to ask so many questions. I've just never even been close to this situation.)
     
  10. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #10
    Yeah- it sucks. It can be awkward for a little while, but I usually become very good friends with my exes. There is only one that I don't talk to anymore. The others are pretty good friends. The one I went out with before I dated scem0 is my best friend now.
     
  11. Iscariot macrumors 68030

    Iscariot

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    #11
    Sexual activity does increase the release of oxytocin, which is one hormone that is strongly associated with trust and 'love', and certainly many other chemicals that are a part of the human bonding process.

    Having said that, heartbroken is heartbroken regardless of whether you've had sexual relations. I've been more heartbroken over lovers I haven't had sex with than lovers I have. Not having sex is in no way going to insulate you from having your heart ripped to pieces. In fact, a lack of sexual intimacy itself can be a serious obstacle in a relationship and very often leads to a heartbreak that could otherwise have been avoided.
     
  12. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #12
    I don't mind the questions.

    It wasn't that hard to stay friends after we broke up because we both agreed that breaking up and staying friends was a good idea. If either one of us had not wanted to break up then I can imagine it would have been pretty bad.
     
  13. Scarlet Fever macrumors 68040

    Scarlet Fever

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    #13
    I reckon don't dwell on the sexual aspect of a relationship. Meet someone you like, get to know them more, and see how it goes from there :)
     
  14. iMacZealot thread starter macrumors 68020

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    While we're sharing, i have found someone great. I cant stop thinking about her. The only other time I've felt so much love for a girl was in middle school (im a freshman in hs), and i never had the courage to take a chance (or make a move if you will) with her, and she knew it, and it ended up becoming really messy, going from best friends to never speaking again.

    I dont want to make the same mistake with this new girl, and no, I'm not planning on having sex with her anytime soon, but abstinence has definitely been on my mind lately.

    I suppose sex is just such a weird topic for me because I've never been very close at all to somebody outside my immediate family, and not just on a relationship level, but any level at all.
     
  15. Queso macrumors G4

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    #15
    Abstinence works for some, others view it as overly restricting yourself. When you're ready you'll know. The important thing is to ensure that the first time is with someone you actually care for, since that's the one that you'll remember for the rest of your life.
     
  16. adrianblaine macrumors 65816

    adrianblaine

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    #16
    My wife and I both waited until we were married to engage in sex. While it was for religious reasons to begin with, afterwards I discovered there are definitely benefits to waiting regardless. Here are some of them:

    There was absolutely no guilt or jealousy involved. We both were able to learn and experience it for the first time together. Neither of us had to worry about the possibility of giving the other person an STD. And if you "accidently" have a kid, it's not such a big deal (in a matter of speaking).

    Everyone has their own opinion, but just because something may not be thought of as "normal", does not also make it irrelevant or untrue.
     
  17. miloblithe macrumors 68020

    miloblithe

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    #17
    Considering this statement, I think you should think of intercourse as something that's a long way away and concentrate on other forms of intimacy. Learn to talk to this girl, spend time with her, and learn to trust each other. That takes time. If you're a freshman in highschool, you've got plenty of time.
     
  18. imac/cheese macrumors 6502a

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    I will disagree with several of the posters here in that it does hurt a lot more if you are dumped after having sex. When you have given yourself completely to another person and then they leave you it can be a challenge to deal with. It can also create feelings of regret and distrust and lead to problems of jealousy in future relationships. Abstinence might be considered overly restricitve by some, but it is worth it to find that one person you want to spend you life with and be able to share yourself with only that single person.
     
  19. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #19
    The same is true for the pre-marital sex I engage in. None of those are qualities of just an abstinent relationship.
     
  20. adrianblaine macrumors 65816

    adrianblaine

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    #20
    We don't have an abstinent relationship. I'm only pointing out that we will never have to deal with certain issues. I'm not saying you have to be legally married either, just monogamous relationships in general.
     
  21. imac/cheese macrumors 6502a

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    Didn't you already state that you are with your second sexual partner? That would mean that the things adrianblaine stated do not all apply to your relationship.

     
  22. Thanatoast macrumors 6502a

    Thanatoast

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    #22
    Abstinence is an artificial construct created in order to control inheritance rights and society in general. It's a way of making everyone a criminal so that you have power over them. If you don't want to have sex, then don't have sex, but don't be "abstinent".

    My fiancee's roomate in college waited until marriage to have sex because she is very religious andeas brought up believing that it would be special and perfect when it finally happened. Turns out, though, that the sex was just bad. Her husband had also waited and they (she) discovered that she didn't enjoy sex at all. Apparently her husband thinks that now they're married any sex is good sex and she can't figure out a way to tell him that's not the case. You could argue that this is a communication, rather than a sex, problem but I think if they had started earlier they wouldn't have his issue now.

    Personally, I enjoy sex and wouldn't avoid it, but I also am with someone I love and trust. My advice: Don't be afraid of sex. Have sex if it feels right. Don't have sex if it doesn't. And always use a condom.

    edit: to clarify, my fiancee's roomate probably *could* enjoy sex, but her husband doesn't do anything to make sure she's enjoying herself.
     
  23. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #23
    Oh, sorry. One of the many things he listed doesn't apply to me. You still get the point. :rolleyes:
     
  24. adrianblaine macrumors 65816

    adrianblaine

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    #24
    There will be horror stories on both sides of the coin. It sounds like a communication problem to me. My wife and I had no previous experience yet we are doing very well. When we have problems, we talk about them, and the next time is even better. If her husband doesn't understand what's going on, it's not because they waited.

    Also, I enjoy *not* using a condom. My wife and I tried it once, didn't like it. Do others like it? Just put up with it? Don't care? Just curious...
     
  25. Sdashiki macrumors 68040

    Sdashiki

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    #25
    There is a reason you test drive the car before you buy.

    If you waited and are happy with your sex life, IMO, you are lucky, or quite possibly, because you have no comparison, are just content.
     

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