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Discussion in 'Community' started by carbonmotion, Feb 18, 2004.
At your young age is is probably more infatuation than love. I believe that there is only one person that a person would truly fall in love at one point in time. You should try getting to know your roommate. Just try to rerun to regular dating with the girl on your campus and evaluate your feeling for her.
There's over 6 billion people in the world, of course there could be more than one "right" person. Although, since you can't seem to stop thinking about "liz", she might be the "only one". Of course, that could be guilt too... Either way, call her up during spring break, and/or over the summer and get together. If not for romance/love etc., then for old times' sake.
I think you owe it to Sara to be honest with her. Maybe give it a few weeks to see how you feel for sure, then let her know the truth. I would forget about Liz. Liz said to not tell Sara. She would tell someone she messed around with to not tell you. Trust me, if she is deceitful with Sara, she will likely do the same to you.
i recently lost a relationship of three years with my wonderful gf because i couldnt be honest with her about another girl... its been tough, i know i made mistakes- the biggest mistake was not being a man and owning up to the truth. be truthful to both of them... don't leave either in the dark... carrying around that guilt is going to kill you... try to explain to them that you aren't ready for a serious committment, you obviously arent if you think you can love two at once. let them know you can handle the relationships in a mature way, caring for their feelings.
hope this all made sense... girls are tough... just be honest, can't go wrong
I hope so for your sake. Someone help out this poor soul! But, I am a firm believer if someone does something to someone else, they will do the same to you. If she is not willing to be honest with Sara, do you really think she will be honest with you? If you are truly looking for a meaningful, longterm relationship, these are the kinds of questions you have to ask yourself.
I'm So Lost
I am assuming at this point that Liz knows about Sara?
The big issue is what to tell Sara about Liz. You need to tell her. From the sounds of it she'll know something is up. Tell her that liz was an old girlfriend and that going home for winter break that you fell into old patterns. Make sure you tell her you will spend spring break.
There are some issues of morality and betrayal with what you have done. Since your relationships are not marriage and are outside the written standards of society you have to deal with perceptions and relatives. It all depends on what they think about it.
You are likely to find and madly love a half dozen other women before you settle down. Some you will stay friends with.
I know that you don't want to hear that too shall pass.
Think of this as a learning experience if nothing else. Tell Sara. Tell her it was a mistake. Go rent Road Trip.
just be honest with both girls thats teh best thing
Be sure to let us know how it goes! I will cross my fingers for you.
A few words of advice:
1. Unless you were planning on having a long term relationship with one of them, there is no need to tell them about the other.
2. You are not in love until all those "feelings" go away, and then you still tolerate that person!
3. Different zip codes don't count.
4. Assuming they are both hot, any guy would love to be in your shoes, so appreciate it.
5. If you are already living with Sara, then you have less than a month until the relationship goes to crap.
6. There are plenty of other girls, and if you can get two, then you can get more, just play them until you get tired of them and move on!
i'll have what the guy just above me is drinkin'.
seriously, you're 19 in your first year of college. dude, what you should be feeling guilty about, if anything, is the fact that you're spending too much of your time trifling at your girlfriend's, playing house, and not enough time developing your own character, studying and generally being a man about campus. give yourself the chance to be your own man while you're in college, and make sure you take advantage of the opportunity to have a leisurely live-in college experience and learn something while you're there. you won't see many opportunities like that in your lifetime, but as for opportunities to date/live with/fool around and fall in love with different women? by the time you're 30, you'll have forgotten many of their names and you'll be thinking "geez, i'm only thirty - i remember when i was 19 i used to think being 30 was getting old and middle-aged".
get over yourself and live a little. reinvent yourself in your own image; that's what college is for.
Not to beat a decaying horse, but love is much more than just feelings, respect, and admiration.
Of course if you really do care about them, you might as well tell them about each other.
NOTE: If you do tell them, don't expect to ever talk to them again, especially Sara.
I admire your decision to meet Sara face to face. That show a person of true character. Honesty is the best policy. It is the coverup that causes the most trouble. I think that she will admire that. If you are both honest, then you can move forward.
Have you ever thought about majoring in something that requires some work?
I guess "casual sex" is a relative term.
All things in moderation, I guess. Sounds like the typical college student to me.
Well you dug yourself a hole and you can either dig it deeper or try to fill it back in. Either way you are going to get covered in dirt, but whether you bury yourself or not is up to you.
I feel I have to object to some statements made here. Love is everything you listed. If it is not, please define it. Look it up in the dictionary, www.dictionary.com. Also, if you have these kinds of feeling for someone, what does being 18 or 85 have to do with anything. Your feelings toward someone may change slightly over the years because of physical, physiological, and sociological factors, but this does not mean the feelings someone is experiencing for someone cannot be defined as love. Furthermore, finding some who is right is not easy, but when you do find someone that you are in love with and is in love with you, why should you spend effort searching for someone else who you could love "more" or loves you "more" when you already have it. It seems like having a porsche or other car you really like, and then on the weekends searching used car lots for a ferrari. Spend that time with the one that you already love.
Just because you don't control it doesn't mean it is fate. Most people believe that everything is controlled and in fact already decided by successive causation even though the result is not known. However, saying that something is going to happen no matter what the cause is called fate. Some people believe in fate, but philosophically it doesn't make sense.
Sorry to go off topic.