Bush Seeks U.N. Support For "U.S. Does Whatever It Wants" Plan

Discussion in 'Community' started by madamimadam, Oct 6, 2002.

  1. madamimadam macrumors 65816


    Jan 3, 2002
    UNITED NATIONS—In an address before the U.N. General Assembly Monday,
    President Bush called upon the international community to support his
    "U.S. Does Whatever It Wants" plan, which would permit the U.S. to take
    any action it wishes anywhere in the world at any time.

    "As a shining beacon of freedom and democracy, America has inspired the
    world," said Bush in his 25-minute address. "With its military might,
    it has kept the peace and bravely defended the unalienable [sic] rights
    of millions around the globe. In this spirit, I call upon the world's
    nations to support my proposal to give America unrestricted carte
    blanche to remove whatever leaders, plunder whatever resources, and
    impose whatever policies it deems necessary or expedient."

    According to top Bush Administration officials, if the measure is
    passed by the U.N.—and possibly if it is not—the U.S. would immediately
    launch invasions of Iraq, North Korea, and Cuba; establish oil-drilling
    operations in Siberia; install nuclear-missile silos in Mongolia along
    the Chinese border; make English the official language of the planet;
    detain thousands of Middle Eastern nationals currently in the U.S. on
    temporary visas; begin each day with a moment of worldwide prayer; and
    prohibit Japan and Germany from manufacturing automobiles.

    In addition, no demonstration against U.S. actions by any foreign
    nation or individual would be permitted. Any such protestation would be
    deemed a high crime subject to a U.N. tribunal, with those found guilty
    flown to Texas for execution by lethal injection.

    "After the unspeakable events of last Sept. 11, the U.S. was deeply
    touched by the outpouring of support and condolences from our neighbors
    and allies the world over," Bush said. "This kindness played a vital
    role in our national healing process, but, more importantly, it
    cemented our long-standing self-image as the country, with all other
    nations lumped together into a vague, foreign Other Place. I call upon
    you now to join us in our vision of America as the only country whose
    wishes matter."

    Bush then turned to the pressing issue of Iraq.

    "Despite repeated American efforts to change the situation, Saddam
    Hussein defiantly continues his longtime policy of being the president
    of Iraq," Bush said. "The time has come for this man to step down,
    because we want him to."

    In addition to enabling the U.S. to address foreign crises, Bush said
    his plan will help solve many of the nation's domestic problems.

    "While there exist many grave threats to America abroad, we suffer
    still more problems—from unemployment to a lack of quality, affordable
    housing—right here at home," Bush said. "After this resolution is
    passed, we will begin a 10-year project to clean out our nation's
    landfills and toxic-waste sites, transport the materials to Central
    American jungles, and build low-cost housing on the newly cleared land.
    This would solve the housing shortage, create thousands of construction
    jobs, and improve our nation's environment, all in one fell swoop."

    As much of a boon as it would be to America, Bush stressed that his
    plan will also benefit the rest of the world, giving foreigners greater
    access than ever to American goods and entertainment.

    "From the Beijing businessman who treats his family to dinner at KFC to
    the New Delhi textile worker who unwinds after a hard day's work by
    watching Friends, the world community has embraced our many wonderful
    cultural and commercial exports," Bush said. "As part of my plan, the
    U.S. will be allowed to export its products tariff-free, while other
    countries' goods will be subject to heavy taxes. This will help ensure
    that people the world over will continue to enjoy our computers, DVDs,
    and soft drinks, free of the clutter of competing non-American goods on
    their store shelves."

    Bush concluded his speech by calling upon the U.N. to fly an
    extra-large U.S. flag outside its headquarters, high above the other
    member nations' flags.

    "From the Monroe Doctrine to our ignoring of the Kyoto Treaty, America
    has always boldly defied the powers that be. Ever since its founding,
    this great nation has courageously asserted its will, bravely tuning
    out the objections of the other nations of the world," Bush said at the
    speech's conclusion. "I urge you today, do not let that legacy die.
    Allow us to continue our long-standing tradition of getting our way."

    Global reaction to Bush's plan has been mixed, with 56 percent of
    Americans in support and 100 percent of non-Americans strongly opposed.

    Thanks to The Onion for that article
  2. Durandal7 macrumors 68040

    Feb 24, 2001
    It's mostly amusing in the fact that some people think of the UN as some sort of government.

    edit- where's kross and that ugly thread pic?
  3. diorio macrumors 6502a

    Aug 22, 2002
    I think the United Nations are a group of hypocrites. Some of the most terrorist oriented countries in the world, Syria, Iraq, Lebanon, to name a few, are in good standing with the U.N. even after their terrorist problems. Its kind of like the U.N. in the Austin Powers movies.:rolleyes:
  4. madamimadam thread starter macrumors 65816


    Jan 3, 2002
    To be truthful... I see heavily the relationship between the UN and the US. The UN is not only stationed in the US but sometimes turns a blind eye to things if it will benifit their home nation.

    I think it is sad but true.
  5. mischief macrumors 68030


    Aug 1, 2001
    Santa Cruz Ca
    The Canadian response:

    We unilaterally oppose American Unilateral Sovereignty. We spend our whole lives explaining that we're not Americans..... This will only agrivate the problem. If Dubyaw insists on going foreward we will be forced to close Vancouver to Hollywood and halt the export of Comedians, Entertainers, Lumber, Pot and Sex-pots.

    We want our Arm back. NASA can launch things by hand from now on.
  6. madamimadam thread starter macrumors 65816


    Jan 3, 2002
    I never would have thought that posts of such serious nature could come out of an article from the Onion
  7. mischief macrumors 68030


    Aug 1, 2001
    Santa Cruz Ca
    Yep, we have other threats too.......

    The RCMP may stop doing all the hard stuff for the FBI if he's not careful too. They may actually have to learn how to work in a lab.:eek:

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