Children: Do you want them? Explain your reasoning.

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by bamaworks, Jun 6, 2010.

  1. bamaworks macrumors 6502

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    #1
    Hello all of you wonderful MR users out there. Since you always seem to provide a variety of opinions and perspectives on issues, I shall pose the following questions: Do you plan to have children? If so, why? If you already have children, in hindsight was it a good decision? Would you do it again? Do/did you ever feel as though you would be depriving your parents the life experience of having grandchildren should you decide to not sprout progeny? Better yet, would I be depriving myself of a fulfulling life experience? What about issues of having no one to care for you in your old age? What about the school of thought that not having children being a selfish decision, especially for the well educated, positively contributing members of society? Statistics have shown that less affluent members of society have significantly more children. Is this bad for the overall health of society as a whole? What about adoption? Is furthering your own healthy and effective genetic code a lesser, greater, or equal societal contribution when compared to adopting a young child, considering the already pressing issue of current and future overpopulation concerns?

    My wife and I have been mulling the thought of children in our future together, and considering how well we understand the brevity, responsibility, and committment child rearing takes, we have never taken this issue lightly. But eventually time will make the decision for us and therefore new perspective is sometimes necessary to better shine a light upon an issue becoming stagnant from only considering personal perspective and the perspectives of the individuals of similar wavelengths we surround ourselves with.

    DISCLAIMER: I fully understand that the above questions do not apply to all individuals who read this post. I support adoption by homosexual couples and would more than welcome the opinions thereof as I do not consider their experience any different from another when making these life decisions and do not intend this post to become centered on this issue, therefore don't even try it. Do not assume that the questions above are entirely indicative of my views on the above issues, especially any which may be easily misunderstood as bigoted or insensitive as I am only opening up the many facets of the issue to discussion.
     
  2. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #2
    You don't have children due to advantages and disadvantages. It's not like buying a car or something.
     
  3. tigres macrumors 68040

    tigres

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    #3
    +1
    My son was a surprise and the best gift God could ever grant me. Changed my life in every way.
     
  4. bamaworks thread starter macrumors 6502

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    #4
    Nice input, insightful and indicative of real life experience. Though I feel you somewhat misunderstood the intention of this post or didn't read it fully. Therefore the thread title has been changed to better reflect what I'm trying to achieve.

    Life has such great variety, does it not?
     
  5. nobunaga209 macrumors 6502a

    nobunaga209

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    #5
    +2; my daughter is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I'm one of those crazy guy's that actually wanted to be a father and I feel blessed every day to be responsible for her. As corny as it may sound I never quite fully grasped the concept of 'love' until she came along.
     
  6. roadbloc macrumors G3

    roadbloc

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    UK
    #6
    Not really, but I've got a girl pregnant and now I have the face the consequences.

    Some people say having children is the best thing ever and they would move the Earth single handedly to another universe for them if they wished.
    However in every neighbourhood, there is always a parent who couldn't care less about their child.

    I'm giving my future child the best shot I can give. I've quit smoking, I don't go out much anymore, and I'm trying to save up the funds to look after it.

    I shall answer your question fully in about 18 years time, after I have (hopefully) brought up this child. But as it stands, no. I have no desire for a child. That may all change. I do not know.
     
  7. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #7
    Want them later in life - too much to achieve first.

    + good luck to roadbloc, you're in a tough position for your age
     
  8. Schtumple macrumors 601

    Schtumple

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    #9
    I've never really got on well with children, I find them too much hassle and a general nuisance, maybe when I'm in my 30's I'll revaluate my views, but for now (early 20's) children are not something I want to hear about anytime soon.
     
  9. Hellhammer Moderator

    Hellhammer

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    #10
    Eventually, yes. Now? No thank you.

    I want to find the right girl first and have stable life before I will even think about this. I want to offer the best I can when it's time to and currently and in near future it's not possible. When I've found the right one, have nice apartment, stable job and the feeling, I sure will. I had a great childhood so I just can't offer anything less than my parents did
     
  10. nobunaga209 macrumors 6502a

    nobunaga209

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    #11
    Gotta admit that I'm pretty impressed with the community; those who are on the no kids side of the fence seem to really know what they want up front and that's a good thing! :D

    Children definitely aren't for everyone. It kills me when I see a spare of a mom/dad that doesn't give a damn and treats their kid like crap because they blame them for missing out on their youth. If you have a plan or goal, take care of that first and foremost. I love my daughter to pieces but I did have to alter my '5 year plan' to incorporate a kid. It's not impossible to make it though; I was in a good enough place at 26 to be stable financially and mentally for a kid. Just my spare change...
     
  11. obeygiant macrumors 68040

    obeygiant

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    #12
    Kids are the toughest and most fulfilling thing to ever happen to me. I actually don't recommend it for everyone.
     
  12. oblomow macrumors 68030

    oblomow

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    #13
    Somehow this makes (made) reasoning more simple. Do you want to be childless when you're old? If not, then you know there's a deadline somewhere. We have 2, both flavors and I can't say that I'm sorry.
     
  13. Xfujinon macrumors 6502

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    Iowa City, Iowa
    #14
    I must disagree with earlier sentiments: having a kid is very much like buying a car, choosing what to do for a career, or even deciding whether or not to have another piece of cake. Everything is about choices, decisions, weighing the pros and cons. Making smart, informed, carefully reasoned choices is the best option. Responsible family planning is imperative in today's society; kids are expensive, time-consuming, and require utmost dedication and commitment from (optimally) at least two loving parents.

    My wife and I decided not to have any children. It was a mutual decision we agreed upon after many discussions, counseling, reflecting, and talking with our parents. Both of us understand as well as we can what this decision means for us and the rest of our family. We are very happy with this decision because we think it is the best choice considering our lives, careers, motivations, dedications, and personal characteristics. The way I explain it to people is this: most people get this reflex when they are around babies where they want to hold it, talk to it, play games with it, and think it is the most wonderful, adorable, interesting, amazing little thing in the world. Not me, nor my wife for that matter. We have no interest in infants, toddlers, children of any kind. We don't think the things they do are cute, amusing, interesting, or inspiring. We appear to be lacking the neural circuitry to see those things the way others do. Ergo, we best not have children.

    Not everyone should have children. Just because most male-female pairings can produce progeny does not mean they should. It makes me cranky whenever I work pediatrics or OB-GYN to see all the neglected, cast aside children that no one cares about when I have gay friends who have a devil of a time trying to adopt one. Similarly, not all children are delightful, beautiful little people who serve only to inspire love or affection in those around them: some of them are troubled, disagreeable, or even downright evil. But nobody thinks about that, so it doesn't exist. And, eventually most kids grow into adults, kind of like that cute puppy that turned into a giant dog that chews on the carpet and craps in the living room.

    It is all about choices, in my view. My wife and I feel it is best not to do so. Since I am an atheist, I don't have to worry about any mystical or cosmic overtones to our decision: we choose not to do so, and that is that. Life can be lived in a full and exciting way without children, as we do not consider it our sole reason for existing. I find this comes up often whenever I talk about having children with more religious folks; they talk about it like it is a religious duty, or that it is the only thing they were meant to do. Humorously, this is true, but more from a genetics/propagation perspective.

    It is, however, hard to find people who understand this view. Between the mass of people who think it is my religious obligation to produce offspring, or those people who think it is the most important thing you can do in your life, it is hard to find anyone who thinks like we do. Thankfully, we've got a few friends who don't want children either. Amazing the amount of discrimination or derision you can get from people when you tell them you don't want children. It's almost like they have to get defensive about their own choice. Secretly, it's because they won't admit that while they do love their children very much, they have a small amount of envy for our lifestyle.
     
  14. McGiord macrumors 601

    McGiord

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    #15
    We are always late.

    If you want to know your defects get married.

    Have children and only then is when you learn to be a son/daughter.
    Have grandchildren and then is when you learn to be a father/mother.

    Be alone and then you will know how much you miss the people that was with you.
     
  15. LouisBlack macrumors 6502

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    #16
    I was about to post my opinions but you've wrote pretty much exactly what I was going to write. I agree with you on every point.

    I'm in my mid twenties and have never wanted children. My best friend recently had a baby and it has only strengthened my views. Luckily he seems to be in the minority as I have many friends that feel the same way as me. I just hope they stick to their guns so my girlfriend and I have people to hang out with when we're older.
     
  16. Melrose Suspended

    Melrose

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    Dec 12, 2007
    #17
    I don't particularly like children, although they like me :confused: I'm good with kids, I just don't care for them. I don't hate kids, and once I'm married and well settled I may change my mind... I wouldn't have a kid just to have a kid, but the idea is I might change my mind to have a baby with the women I love. There's a difference.

    I don't understand couple that get together, take the big step of marriage, then two months later.... she's pregnant! Spend some time together first..
     
  17. puffnstuff macrumors 65816

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    #18
    I don't like kids and if I ever get to the point where I cannot care for myself I might as well die. No sense in having someone care for me what kind of life would that be?

    Never understood the whole not having children bit makes you selfish. The world is being destroyed just look at the current situation with the oil leak. Too many people on this earth and it's going to ruin my summer at the beach :(
     
  18. LouisBlack macrumors 6502

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    #19
    Indeed. The greenest thing you can ever do is not have children.
     
  19. puffnstuff macrumors 65816

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    Jan 2, 2008
    #20
    My quip about ruining my summer may be a tad bit insensitive. I genuinely feel bad about the animals. If the oil reaches Florida I hope I can get to volunteer to help clean the animals.

    It's such a sad thing that never had to happen.

    edit: damn look likes it here
    http://digg.com/environment/Oil_Touches_Down_on_Florida_Beaches


    I am not ready for the smell of dead animals :(:(:(


    Too much demand is straining the earths ecosystem and it needs to be stopped.
     
  20. Xfujinon macrumors 6502

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    #21
    So bingo, so right on the money, it hurts.

    I can live in a smaller house, buy less food, buy less crap, own a smaller car, and I don't have to support the crooked Colleges and Universities by shelling out half my money to educate the kid.
     
  21. McGiord macrumors 601

    McGiord

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    #22
    well kids...I am off this topic to enjoy a good time with my children :D
     
  22. Hellhammer Moderator

    Hellhammer

    Staff Member

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    #23
    It's not the couples who have one or two children who make this planet overpopulated, it's the people who have more than two. When you and the mother of your children die, there will only be the children left, i.e. the same two (+grand children) as there was before you had kids.

    What if your parents thought the same way as you do? You might not exist. At least I want to "extend myself" and share my DNA with someone.

    No offense of course. I completely agree that it's better to not to have children if you don't want to. There are way too many unhappy and abandoned children already, no need for more.

    Wanna go to Asia and Africa to spread your opinion so they wouldn't make too many kids? :rolleyes:
     
  23. CHAOS STEP macrumors 6502

    CHAOS STEP

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    #24

    Would you go to counselling to buy a new car? :)

    I can't help but think that you have significant doubts about not wanting children, -like maybe you secretly want them, but are trying to fool yourself into thinking you don't.

    It makes logical sense not to have them, but there is no denying that it is to some part of their journey in life.

    My sister had one at 16, and things looked bad for her, but she persevered, done well for herself and bringing her up and now has two happy children.

    What is important is that I had the chance to be an uncle to a great niece (well two). I'm not into having kids myself, but I can tell you this, those two are the only individuals that I would do anything for.

    If you over-think a lot of things in life you will miss out.

    I think the key is not so much money, environment etc, more about do you want more in life than material things and a snug life?

    As for me, I don't think I will have kids because I'm not in the situation where I could have them and I can't see that happening in the future, also I'm not really bothered about it.

    I can't say that its impossible for me not to, or that everyone should have kids as a lot of people clearly shouldn't.

    I may buy one of those Romanian kids though as I hear they're opening up the coal mines again.
     
  24. RawBert macrumors 68000

    RawBert

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    #25
    I don't like kids. I don't want to have any kids of my own.

    My wife and I are Hispanic and live in LA. My wife quite often gets asked by older Hispanic ladies if she has kids. The moment she says she doesn't want kids, they're shocked. :eek: They all ask, Why? A lot actually try to convince her to have kids. They can't get past the notion. A few have even had the nerve to ask if she's sterile. I mean, what the hell do they care???
     

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