Close friend came out

dukebound85

macrumors P6
Original poster
Jul 17, 2005
18,059
1,186
5045 feet above sea level
This came up during his bday celebrations at the bars last night as I was talking to him and said, "dang, you have some really cute friends, you should date some of them or hook me up!" at which point he told me he wasn't into girls even though he tried to be in the past and told me to take that as you will.

Now, I had been good friends with this guy for about 8 years and recall talking to my mom that it wouldn't surprise me that he was gay just by how he acted at times and I have never seen him date a girl so this news was hardly surprising to me. However, it is the first time I have had a close friend that wasn't straight and confirm that to me personally.

But what he said he appreciated the most was how me and one of my other good friend didn't care. He said his biggest worry was losing friends over a factor that didn't affect friendship. He told me his mom kinda shunned him a bit when he told her.....7 years ago, but just now got around to telling his friends. He is still the same dude who likes cars, motorcycles, and sports which was why we became friends to begin with. I would like to think that this forum played a part in my being more cool with it, even though I was never totally uncool with it, just not as much I would venture.

But here is what is cool, he has A TON of cute girl friends. I always ask him how in the world he does it lol. Anyways, I know have a friend who is friends with all these cute girls who I no longer have to "compete" with for them as he's a quality guy. He was like "yea, now I will just point some girls over to "a good guy (being me lol)". Win win I say lol
 

dmr727

macrumors G3
Dec 29, 2007
8,623
25
NYC
Oh man, back when I was single and in college, hanging out with my gay buddies was easily the best way to hook up with cute girls. :p
 

Xavier

macrumors 68030
Mar 23, 2006
2,567
1,150
Columbus
Nice! Sounds like I need a good gay friend to hook me up! (With their hot chick friends that is)
 

leekohler

macrumors G5
Dec 22, 2004
14,162
19
Chicago, Illinois
Haha yea.

But seriously, how do you guys do it? He has all these cute friends and they think he's straight (as of now)

There must be a secret lol
Quite honestly, we don't want anything from them. They can tell even if we don't say anything or even if they initially think we're straight. But you do want something from them and it's usually pretty obvious. ;)

I've been hit on by plenty of women. It's a little awkward. However- I don't have many female friends. Most of my friends are gay or straight guys-probably because the stuff I like to do is pretty male-oriented. I have put together some couples in the past, though. Some are married now. Since I don't know many women, I usually will take a straight friend out to a gay bar with me, and he looks for ladies while I do the opposite. :) It's much easier for me to initiate a conversation with women because I'm not intimidated or nervous. Hopefully, she's got a cute friend with her and everybody wins. :)

See how that works?
 

dmr727

macrumors G3
Dec 29, 2007
8,623
25
NYC
It's much easier for me to initiate a conversation with women because I'm not intimidated or nervous. Hopefully, she's got a cute friend with her and everybody wins. :)

See how that works?
I'll also add - and I apologize for painting with a wide brush here - but just about all of my gay friends have something in common, and that's a confident and fun personality that's universally attractive to women. It doesn't hurt that they tend to pay much more attention to their appearance than their breeder counterparts. ;)
 

leekohler

macrumors G5
Dec 22, 2004
14,162
19
Chicago, Illinois
I'll also add - and I apologize for painting with a wide brush here - but just about all of my gay friends have something in common, and that's a confident and fun personality that's universally attractive to women. It doesn't hurt that they tend to pay much more attention to their appearance than their breeder counterparts. ;)
Well, Dukey, our OP doesn't have a problem with his looks. :) Yeeouch! :D

But yes, some of you boys do need a bit of help in that department. ;)
 

citizenzen

macrumors 65816
Mar 22, 2010
1,433
11,628
Quite honestly, we don't want anything from them. They can tell even if we don't say anything or even if they initially think we're straight. But you do want something from them and it's usually pretty obvious. ;)
I think that sums it up pretty well.

Imagine... a man who isn't always trying to get down your pants, or fantasizing about getting down your pants, or weaseling some angle to ingratiate himself so that one day he could potentially down your pants... or at the very least leave you thinking that he might be a guy who could get down your pants*.

That's essentially what I act around women. And frankly... I disgust myself.

Is it any wonder why they like to hang around with gay guys?





*Actually hoping that opening up like this and being brutally honest might get myself down somebody's pants. I hope my wife never finds out.
 

leekohler

macrumors G5
Dec 22, 2004
14,162
19
Chicago, Illinois
WTB Gay Best Friend. STAT!
:D
Haha!

So I should avoid looking directly at their breasts when I approach? I've really been going about this the wrong way...
Yeah- staring into the headlights on first approach is not a good idea. ;)

That reminds me- a funny thing always happens. I'll be out with friends talking to various new people. When we move around the bar later or go to the rest room, one friend will say to me, "OMG! She had the hugest boobs!". Me- "Really? I didn't see." :)
 

rdowns

macrumors Penryn
Jul 11, 2003
27,345
12,409
I'll also add - and I apologize for painting with a wide brush here - but just about all of my gay friends have something in common, and that's a confident and fun personality that's universally attractive to women. It doesn't hurt that they tend to pay much more attention to their appearance than their breeder counterparts. ;)

I don't know about that. I know a Jack Mcfarland-type gay guy and chicks love him.
 

bobber205

macrumors 68020
Nov 15, 2005
2,182
0
Oregon
Haha!



Yeah- staring into the headlights on first approach in not a good idea. ;)

That reminds me- a funny thing always happens. I'll be out with friends talking to various new people. When we move around the bar later or go to the rest room, one friend will say to me, "OMG! She had the hugest boobs!". Me- "Really? I didn't see." :)
When I move to a bigger city, should I first head to the gay bars to get some friends that can in turn introduce me to these cute girls? ;)
 

mkrishnan

Moderator emeritus
Jan 9, 2004
29,641
12
Grand Rapids, MI, USA
When I move to a bigger city, should I first head to the gay bars to get some friends that can in turn introduce me to these cute girls? ;)
Yeah, sorry, that would be crass. :p

The best is going to lesbian bars not looking to hook up. Those bitches are f'in crazy! :eek: :D (Lee, I was just thinking about going to see 8 Inch Betsy in Chi-town... I just don't get that kind of thing here in GR so much!)
 

leekohler

macrumors G5
Dec 22, 2004
14,162
19
Chicago, Illinois
Yeah, sorry, that would be crass. :p

The best is going to lesbian bars not looking to hook up. Those bitches are f'in crazy! :eek: :D (Lee, I was just thinking about going to see 8 Inch Betsy in Chi-town... I just don't get that kind of thing here in GR so much!)
8 Inch Betsy is AWESOME. Those chicks ROCK. They're a great band.
 

Ttownbeast

macrumors 65816
May 10, 2009
1,135
0
Congrats Duke having a gay wingman as a best friend should get you more bumper than a tow truck--OK that's a little shallow of me that's just the polyamorous side of me showing LOL

My fiance misses the coke when she was younger I miss the open relationships. But we both work around it.
 

leekohler

macrumors G5
Dec 22, 2004
14,162
19
Chicago, Illinois
Congrats Duke having a gay wingman as a best friend should get you more bumper than a tow truck--OK that's a little shallow of me that's just the polyamorous side of me showing LOL

My fiance misses the coke when she was younger I miss the open relationships. But we both work around it.
More importantly- I'm glad to see you being a good friend, Dukey. He needs your support and friendship more than you know.
 

Ttownbeast

macrumors 65816
May 10, 2009
1,135
0
More importantly- I'm glad to see you being a good friend, Dukey. He needs your support and friendship more than you know.
Indeed, its a tough time for a dude who is into a way of life that is generally shunned by those of a hetero nature.
 

rhsgolfer33

macrumors 6502a
Jan 6, 2006
882
1
Yeah- staring into the headlights on first approach is not a good idea. ;)

That reminds me- a funny thing always happens. I'll be out with friends talking to various new people. When we move around the bar later or go to the rest room, one friend will say to me, "OMG! She had the hugest boobs!". Me- "Really? I didn't see." :)
You know, I really wish I could say that I didn't know what you were talking about or that I hadn't been the one saying something along the lines of, "OMG she had a such an amazing rack" on multiple occasions, but I'd definitely be lying.

But yeah, way to be supportive Duke. I'm sure its really difficult to come out to your male friends (not that its easy to come out to anyone, for that matter); I can't even imagine how hard it is.