Complicated issue involving my roommate assignment...thoughts?

afultz075

macrumors member
Original poster
Jun 23, 2007
96
0
I just got my roommate assignment for college the other day. I looked him up on myspace and facebook and it was apparent after about a minute of reading through his info and browsing his pictures that he is openly gay. And quite frankly....I was so creeped out and disturbed by some of the pictures and information on the page that I honestly cannot fathom being comfortable for one minute living with this guy.

Is it wrong of me to immediately request a room assignment change? And lastly, has anyone on this board ever had an experience like this?
 

jsw

Moderator emeritus
Mar 16, 2004
22,910
41
Andover, MA
I think you might want to at least call the guy or otherwise contact him before you decide you can't live with him because he's gay.

Is there more to it, as BV asked, than just that he's gay? I've lived as a straight guy with gay men, and it was a good thing.
 
L

Lau

Guest
I'm also interested about what was so creepy and disturbing about his interests. Unless the information on his page said "I have a massive fetish for people called afultz075 and if I ever share a room with someone called afultz075 I will make a point of putting my willy in his ear EVERY SINGLE NIGHT while he sleeps" I think you will be ok. ;)

I'm not sure that you should share with him, though, because I don't think it's fair on him to have to share with someone who's going to be a bit hostile to him from the start though.
 

TheAnswer

macrumors 68030
Jan 25, 2002
2,520
1
Orange County, CA
Part of going off to college is learning that there are huge varieties of people out there. A roommate assignment isn't for life and there will be other guys/girls on your floor and in your dorm that you will probably be closer friends with than your roommate.

My college experience taught me that your more likely to get molested/violated by some drunken-out-of-their-mind frat boy than by a gay roommate. Your roommate is going to have to live with you all year, so they aren't likely to try anything (if that's what you are worried about) and have to deal with the awkwardness the whole year .

That said, if you are truly uncomfortable at this point. I'd suggest taking a pragmatic approach. Talk to the housing authorities and suggest that while you do not have a specific problem at this time, you are concerned that such problems may arise. In the meantime, try to chat him up online or over the phone and get more of a feel for your ability to live with him. If it's obvious that you two aren't going to be able to live together (the feeling may even be mutual), then talk to the housing authorities again.
 

juanm

macrumors 68000
May 1, 2006
1,566
2,883
Fury 161
I've been through this.

Back in high school, I was living in France in a boarding school.
One of the guys in the next room was very openly gay, and it made us very uncomfortable. At first, we all thought what you expect a teenager to think, and joked accordingly :rolleyes:
It was the first close gay person (as far as I knew) I had ever met, so to say it simply, I was (actually, we all were) full of homophobic prejudgments.
It turned out to be an wonderful, albeit exuberant person very easy to live with. By the second year, we were all so close that he came to our room. A great guy.

I say give it a try. After two weeks you probably won't even think about it. Once you get over his sexual orientation, you'll realize it's not that big a deal and you'll be fine.

Maybe you'll dislike him because he turns out to be a complete idiot or prefers Windows, but it'd be a completely different story.

If he's young (you didn't mention any ages) and already openly gay, it means he's smart enough to be aware of it, and mature enough to be fine with it.

Another advice would be to have a talk with him and explain him that you're uncomfortable with it. He probably has had this talk tens of times before, so chances are he'll be happy to talk about it, and answer any question you have. He has already taken the most difficult step, now it's your turn.

Keep in mind that forty years ago, you'd probably have thought the same way about being with a black roommate (assuming you're white)

Also, by being a Mac user you are a minority too. And you're open about it, and even show it on the internet, like him. And lots of PC users have wrong opinions about Macs too, right?

BTW, if some ass***e says "Hey afultz, you like gays?!" just answer him "Oh, no, I prefer lesbians" :cool:
 

jczubach

macrumors 6502
May 15, 2007
385
0
northwest
Roomies

I don't know if this is about homophobia or not. In light of my own university experiences, I probably would also hesitate, based upon divergent lifestyles, the reckless abandon of which some kids approach their newfound freedoms(especially when sharing a single room, an apartment can be bad enough) This applies to people of all sexual persuasions. There will likely be unwanted advances and innuendo, if not by the aforementioned roomie, then by one or more of his cohorts. It can be relentless at times if boundaries are left unclear, and face it, in college dorms boundaries are often the first wreckage to crop up. Don't let your college experience be unnecessarily dictated to you and follow your gut. It's your money and your education. Cheers:)
 

TheAnswer

macrumors 68030
Jan 25, 2002
2,520
1
Orange County, CA
Echoes...

Also remember there are a lot of potential issues that can crop up with any roommate. The most annoying (and the most prevalent, in my experience) is that a roommate will decide to change their sleeping habits mid-year due to studying/classes or they will decide to drink or smoke when they didn't when they filled out the application.

Here are a few highlights I've seen:

1. The jock who really wanted to live alone (just made the room so uncomfortable for his roomie that his roomie spent all his waking hours in friends rooms)

2. The guy that rushed the Frats, didn't get in, and decided to make his room a Frat house (didn't pair well with the guy with the formerly nice clothes now barf-stained clothes).

3. The girl that couldn't say no to her boyfriend, even when her roommate was sleeping in the bunk underneath. (This was actually my best friend from high school's experience. Her parents made her live in the all-women's dorm at Berkeley (they didn't like the idea of co-ed bathrooms), her first roommate was a butch lesbian martial artist who made my best friend uncomfortable, so she requested a change. She ended up in co-ed dorm with a girl whose boyfriend lived in the same dorm. The happy, horny couple was at it four or five times a week, often with her still in the room.)
 

steamboat26

macrumors 65816
May 25, 2006
1,123
0
Arlington VA
It's only fair to give him a chance. You can't let any preconceived notions about him ruin your chance at becoming friends or being roommates.
 

jackiecanev2

macrumors 65816
Jul 6, 2007
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Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 4.01; Windows CE; Sprint:pPC-6700; PPC; 240x320))

what is it about this boy being openly gay that disturbs you so? if you're worried about him hitting on you, just think of it this way: do you hit on every girl you see, just because she is of the appropriate sex? probably not. just because you are male does not mean he will take any interest in you whatsoever.

without sounding like some bleeding heart hippie liberal, just remember: everyone in the world has at least one secret that would break your heart. try being a little less judgemental. what if theres some gay guy in the world that's leaving his shell of friends, moving to another place where he knows he's different from the majority, and is worrying about spending an entire year living with some homophobic straight guy who will treat him as less than human because of who he is?
 

MBPchef

macrumors member
Oct 14, 2006
91
0
SF CA
Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 4.01; Windows CE; Sprint:pPC-6700; PPC; 240x320))

what is it about this boy being openly gay that disturbs you so? if you're worried about him hitting on you, just think of it this way: do you hit on every girl you see, just because she is of the appropriate sex? probably not. just because you are male does not mean he will take any interest in you whatsoever.

without sounding like some bleeding heart hippie liberal, just remember: everyone in the world has at least one secret that would break your heart. try being a little less judgemental. what if theres some gay guy in the world that's leaving his shell of friends, moving to another place where he knows he's different from the majority, and is worrying about spending an entire year living with some homophobic straight guy who will treat him as less than human because of who he is?

AMEN! :: hi 5 ::

As a young gay guy, reading this kind of crap really annoys me and reiterates how ignorant most of America is. But, it's good to see people with some common sense, like the above mentioned and others.
 

echeck

macrumors 68000
Apr 20, 2004
1,814
6
Boise, Idaho
AMEN! :: hi 5 ::

As a young gay guy, reading this kind of crap really annoys me and reiterates how ignorant most of America is. But, it's good to see people with some common sense, like the above mentioned and others.
You shouldn't be so quick to judge either.

The man said he saw something on the guy's MySpace and Facebook accounts that creeped him out. These could be anything from innocent pictures of past/current boyfriends to ...well.. the imagination is your only limitation to what it could have been.

So before you judge him for judging someone else, how about you wait to see what disturbed him, eh?

If he's just "creeped out" by gay men then he needs to open his mind a little, but he very well may have seen something that warrants such a reaction.

There are sick people all around us regardless of sexual preference. If this guy is a sick freak then I say jump on the next train to a new roommate.
 

MBPchef

macrumors member
Oct 14, 2006
91
0
SF CA
You shouldn't be so quick to judge either.

The man said he saw something on the guy's MySpace and Facebook accounts that creeped him out. These could be anything from innocent pictures of past/current boyfriends to ...well.. the imagination is your only limitation to what it could have been.

So before you judge him for judging someone else, how about you wait to see what disturbed him, eh?

If he's just "creeped out" by gay men then he needs to open his mind a little, but he very well may have seen something that warrants such a reaction.

There are sick people all around us regardless of sexual preference. If this guy is a sick freak then I say jump on the next train to a new roommate.

I agree, but there are rules as to what kind of pictures can be uploaded to those sites. Im pretty sure there won't be any of the potential roommate having drunken unprotected gang bang orgies. So, how bad can these pictures be? It's probably a few shots of the guy at a Pride Parade with no shirt on making out with someone.... They won't allow anything much more revealing than that.
 

echeck

macrumors 68000
Apr 20, 2004
1,814
6
Boise, Idaho
I agree, but there are rules as to what kind of pictures can be uploaded to those sites. Im pretty sure there won't be any of the potential roommate having drunken unprotected gang bang orgies. So, how bad can these pictures be? It's probably a few shots of the guy at a Pride Parade with no shirt on making out with someone.... They won't allow anything much more revealing than that.
If that's indeed all they are then he needs to open his mind a little.

For what it's worth, I know a lot of gay men, a couple are close friends. I've even been to gay bars before, and was only hit on once. Only once! I like to think it was only once because everyone saw a wedding ring on my finger, and not because they didn't find me attractive. ;)
 

Killyp

macrumors 68040
Jun 14, 2006
3,859
3
I used to be in the same boat as you, full of weird ideas that gay guys would try and hit on me if I made friends with them, and I'd end up 'gay' or whatever.

However, in the past few years I've started hanging out in a much better (and more fun) group of friends, three of whom are gay (two very openly and camp), but they're great people, and I'd have them round if my parents didn't have semi-anti-gay views.
 

MBPchef

macrumors member
Oct 14, 2006
91
0
SF CA
I used to be in the same boat as you, full of weird ideas that gay guys would try and hit on me if I made friends with them, and I'd end up 'gay' or whatever.

However, in the past few years I've started hanging out in a much better (and more fun) group of friends, three of whom are gay (two very openly and camp), but they're great people, and I'd have them round if my parents didn't have semi-anti-gay views.
LOL @ "end up gay."

At least you came around and realized we're not an infectious disease...
 

jackiecanev2

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Jul 6, 2007
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Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 4.01; Windows CE; Sprint:pPC-6700; PPC; 240x320))

I'm actually quite curious to know about these "seriously disturbing" pictures. I agree, its myspace and I doubt that there are pictures of particularly lewd or obscene acts. OP?
 

yellow

Moderator emeritus
Oct 21, 2003
16,033
1
Portland, OR
Is it wrong of me to immediately request a room assignment change? And lastly, has anyone on this board ever had an experience like this?
Come on.. it's FaceSpace™.

Who the h**k is actually for real on FaceSpace™?

Why don't you give the guy a chance and then make your decision?

You might find that he's a delightful person that you can learn a lot of differently perspectived life lessons from.

Hell, he's probably looking at yours thinking "Damn breeders."
 

jsw

Moderator emeritus
Mar 16, 2004
22,910
41
Andover, MA
LOL, you mean to tell me 40 years ago in America there were whites who didn't want black roommates? Surely not...
It's a good thing we've put all that silliness behind us and now fear only gays and fat people, right?

I think this guy might turn out to be a better roommate than his replacement, whomever that might be. It's all luck of the draw.
 

Educ8r

macrumors 6502a
Jul 2, 2007
543
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4th largest city in the USA
It's a good thing we've put all that silliness behind us and now fear only gays and fat people, right?

I think this guy might turn out to be a better roommate than his replacement, whomever that might be. It's all luck of the draw.
silliness....YES
behind us....uh not by a long shot