Computer Poems

Discussion in 'Community' started by MacBandit, Jan 27, 2003.

  1. MacBandit macrumors 604


    Aug 9, 2002
    Springfield, OR (Home of the Simpsons)
    Let's here your computer poems yours or someone else's it doesn't matter.

    I don't know who wrote this one but it sure is good. I've had it hanging by my computer for about 10 years and it's getting kind of old and though that I should get it on the computer before I lose it. Read it a few times really fast.

    Dr. Seus Explains Computers

    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
    and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
    and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
    then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

    If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
    and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
    and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't has,
    then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

    If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
    says the network is connected to the button your mouse,
    but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
    that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
    and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
    so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
    then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
    'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

    When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
    and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
    then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.

    Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.
  2. rainman::|:| macrumors 603


    Feb 2, 2002
    well i have two; both i had to look up. it's been a while, and these are both quite old (and PC related), but still rather amusing:

    The Lord's Prayer for Computers
    Our Hard Drive
    Which art internal
    Volume C by name;
    Thy code be clean,
    Thy fonts be seen
    On screen as they are on paper.
    Give us this day our documents,
    And lead us not into fragmentation
    But deliver us our data.
    For thine is the SCSI,
    And the EISA, and the NuBus,
    Forever and Ever,


    Abort/Retry/Ignore (read like Poe's The Raven)

    Once upon a midnight dreary,
    fingers cramped and vision bleary,
    System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
    Longing for the warmth of bedsheets,
    Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
    Having reached the bottom line,
    I took a floppy from the drawer.
    Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command
    But got instead a reprimand: it read "Abort, Retry, Ignore".

    Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion?
    These were choices Solomon himself had never faced before.
    Carefully, I weighed my options.
    These three seemed to be the top ones.
    Clearly, I must now adopt one -
    Choose : "Abort, Retry, Ignore".

    With my fingers pale and trembling,
    Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
    Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
    Praying for some guarantee
    Finally I pressed a key --
    But on the screen what did I see?
    Again: "Abort, Retry, Ignore".

    I tried to catch the chips off-guard --
    I pressed again, but twice as hard.
    Luck was just not in the cards,
    I saw what I had seen before.
    Now I typed in desperation,
    Trying random combinations.
    Still there came the incantation -
    Choose: "Abort, Retry, Ignore".

    There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted;
    Getting up, I turned away and paced across the office floor.
    And then I saw an awful sight,
    A bold and blinding flash of light,
    A lightning bolt that cut the night and shook me to my very core.
    The PC screen collapsed and died,
    "Oh no -- my database", I cried.
    I thought I heard a voice reply,
    "You'll see your data -- Nevermore!"

    To this day I do not know
    The place to which our data goes
    Perhaps it goes to Heaven where the angels have it stored.
    But as for productivity - well,
    I fear that it goes straight to Hell.
    And that's the tale I have to tell -
    Your choice: Abort, Retry, Ignore.
  3. mac15 macrumors 68040

    Dec 29, 2001
    Yeah well some freestyle for yall

    You be telling you friends your imac is wack
    they come and say why the ports they at the back
    just cut me some slack, I pay alot for it
    yeah but it looks like a luxo with a cord in its ass

  4. MacBandit thread starter macrumors 604


    Aug 9, 2002
    Springfield, OR (Home of the Simpsons)
    I don't know if you would consider this a poem but it's close. Short and sweet.

    To error is human.
    To really screw things up requires a computer!
  5. scem0 macrumors 604


    Jul 16, 2002
    back in NYC!
    so very true...... :eek: ;) :p
  6. King Cobra macrumors 603

    Mar 2, 2002
    All right. Two poems.

    One in the style of Private Eyes, and the other in my riff.

    Tim Conway presents Model
    I found out the other day very late last night
    that my PC froze. So now I can sleep tight.
    Tomorrow I'm getting a model computer, a Mac.
    Unfortunately, it isn't programmed to dress in dark clothing and clean my house.

    Now my style. (somewhat slow rap)

    Mac Rap
    Say what? Splat!
    My PC's on dope crack.
    This error just pops back.
    My files just got jacked.
    My mind just hops black.
    I'm gonna buy a Mac.
    And show --uh-- this lye sack
    Who?s gonna go right, Jack!

    I'm not gonna fight that
    Machine: Piece of Crap
    I'll sell it, the hell with it
    Even then I'll still smell it.
    The smell within me
    is the sh** that sinned me
    From being so "spendy"
    With Microsoft M.E.

    And upgrading my OS
    And upgrading the rest
    While degrading the less
    Of what once was patience
    Then came X.P.
    It seemed to me that
    It's stability had redeemed
    the gleaming key.

    But what's this quirking?
    This thing's not working.
    Is Microsoft off jerking,
    Or is this virus off perking?
    Their web site is down.
    Spare this fight and frown.
    I'm not clowning around
    With Satan and his town

    Of the many PCs--
    And the leader...Jeez.
    It seems to me,
    that his PCs are sleazy.
    I think to myself
    And stand up for myself.
    I say ban thy self
    From Gate's tainted wealth.
  7. mac15 macrumors 68040

    Dec 29, 2001
  8. MacBandit thread starter macrumors 604


    Aug 9, 2002
    Springfield, OR (Home of the Simpsons)
  9. blakespot Administrator


    Jun 4, 2000
    Alexandria, VA

    Windows NT crashed.
    I am the Blue Screen of Death.
    No one hears your screams.

    . . .

    Three things are certain:
    Death, taxes, and lost data.
    Guess which has occurred.

    . . .

    First snow, then silence.
    This thousand dollar screen dies
    So beautifully.

    . . .

    A file that big?
    It might be very useful.
    But now it is gone.

  10. Mr. Anderson Moderator emeritus

    Mr. Anderson

    Nov 1, 2001
    Nice haikus blake spot :D

    an imac's slick style
    flat panel above round base
    no money left now
  11. Einherjar macrumors regular

    Jan 6, 2003
    I hope that I shall never see;
    A poem as lovely as a binary tree.

  12. cr2sh macrumors 68030


    May 28, 2002
    yeh, i know.. intel sucks, but its still funny

    What y'all wanna do?
    Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
    Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
    9 to 5, chillin' at Hewlett Packard?
    Workin' at a desk with a dumb little placard?
    Yeah, payin' the bills with my mad programming skills
    Defraggin' my hard drive for thrills
    I got me a hundred gigabytes of RAM
    I never feed trolls and I don't read spam
    Installed a T1 line in my house
    Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizouse
    Upgrade my system at least twice a day
    I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K
    I'm down with Bill Gates, I call him Money for short
    I phone him up at home and I make him do my tech support
    It's all about the Pentiums, what?
    You gotta be the dumbest newbie I've ever seen
    You've got white-out all over your screen
    You think your Commodore 64 is really neato
    What kinda chip you got in there, a Dorito?
    You're using a 286? Don't make me laugh
    Your Windows boots up in what, a day and a half?
    You could back up your whole hard drive on a floppy diskette
    You're the biggest joke on the internet
    Your database is a disaster
    You're waxin' your modem tryin' to make it go faster
    Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
    Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
    And postin "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er
    I should do the world a favor and cap you like Old Yeller
    You're just about as useless as jpegs to Helen Keller

    It's all about the Pentiums!
    It's all about the Pentiums!
    It's all about the Pentiums!
    It's all about the Pentiums!

    Now, what y'all wanna do?
    Wanna be hackers? Code crackers? Slackers
    Wastin' time with all the chatroom yakkers?
    9 to 5, chillin at Hewlett Packard?

    Uh, uh, loggin' in now
    Wanna run wit my crew, hah?
    Rule cyberspace and crunch numbers like I do?
    They call me the king of the spreadsheets
    Got em all printed out on my bedsheets
    My new computer's got the clocks, it rocks
    But it was obsolete before I opened the box
    You say you've had your desktop for over a week?
    Throw that junk away, man, it's an antique!
    Your laptop is a month old? Well, that's great
    If you could use a nice, heavy paperweight
    My digital media is write-protected
    Every file inspected, no viruses detected
    I beta tested every operating system
    Gave props to some, and others? I dissed 'em
    While your computer's crashin', mine's multitaskin'
    It does all my work without me even askin'
    Got a flat-screen monitor, 40" wide
    I believe that yours says "Etch-A-Sketch" on the side
    In a 32-bit world, you're a 2-bit user
    You've got your own newsgroup,
    Your mother board melts when you try to send a fax
    Where'd you get your CPU, in a box of Cracker Jacks?
    Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you
    If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you

    Weird Al in the hiz-ouse...
  13. King Cobra macrumors 603

    Mar 2, 2002
  14. cr2sh macrumors 68030


    May 28, 2002
    I could never compete with you KC, you gots mad free-style skillz. In the hiz-ouse, and what have you.

    I tried to write a poem, but all I could come up with was "Die, Die, Die, Bill Gates."
  15. scem0 macrumors 604


    Jul 16, 2002
    back in NYC!
    I like this web site a lot,
    What would I do without it,
    Now it is not there

    I thought I bought speed,
    But now I have blue and green,
    Damn windows XP

    Oh blue screen of death,
    Why do you like to plague me,
    It is time to restart now

    I am very mad,
    The computer has ****ed up,
    My fist hits the keys.

    Behind the sleek case,
    But in front of all the speed,
    Is that which I fear - windows
  16. MacAztec macrumors 68040


    Oct 28, 2001
    San Luis Obispo, CA
    Mine... making this up as i type...

    Some people think PCs are really cool...
    I use em at school, while were trying to learn flash, but all i get is a system crash. Help me out, this PC is wack, and my teacher keeps talkin about his new nick nack. Time to use a mac, toss that PC over my back, get out of this error world, because im gettin dizzy.

    PCs are faster, yeah right. In my mind...they just bite. I get errors when i boot, so i just say "f*ck it" and pack it in the poop shoot. Internet explorer is the browser that never could, never would, and never should. Its all about Safari and the african theme, and all the programmers on the developing team. Now its time for macs to strike, as they are starting to be in the like. down with gates, and the rich greedy bastards. all they want is money faster and faster.

    Uhh, thats all i can think of. I dunno...whatever
  17. cr2sh macrumors 68030


    May 28, 2002
    Re: Mine...

    I can tell.


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