Do you check your teen's messages?

theapplefanboyj

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Mar 1, 2014
674
0
The title says It all. My parents check my phone and even though I find it annoying, I have nothing to hide. I find it annoying because they do it right in front of my face. I would actually prefer it if they did it while I was sleeping but id prefer if they'd not check it at all. I might even have to put a password on sometimes. Anyway, do you check your teen'a texts?
 

TacticalDesire

macrumors 68020
Mar 19, 2012
2,286
23
Michigan
I would find that annoying as hell, even though I'm an adult now, looking back that would bother me. I never had a phone until high school though and I paid for it myself so they had a little less control over that I guess.

If they pay for your phone/plan I think they do reserve the right in some capacity to take and or check your phone, but only if you have done something to break their trust. Routine/random checks are a violation of personal space/privacy in my opinion. Teens need their space and should have something that is just theirs.
 

Trvlngnrs

macrumors 6502
Jun 8, 2010
339
26
Don't you think they have something better to do?

They are only doing this because they love you. If they see you starting to stray down a bad path they can help you redirect before you are too far down it.

Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do?
 

theapplefanboyj

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Mar 1, 2014
674
0
If there were something wrong with me id tell them. None of my friends had their phone checked and their perfectly fine.
 

Trvlngnrs

macrumors 6502
Jun 8, 2010
339
26
You didn't answer the questions.

Don't you think they have better things to do? I would guess that they do, but because they love you they aren't doing them because they want to make sure you are safe and heading in the right direction in life.

Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do? Yes, the primary job of a parent is to help their child grow into a mature adult. Life has many ways of screwing this up, some you may not be aware of because of your limited life experiences. As you spend time in the world, you gain those experiences... good and bad. They seem to want to spare you some of the grief they may have experienced.

Because your friends parent's don't do this, this tells me you have better parents! :):):) They are willing to invest their time and energy into your life, at the risk of upsetting you, because you don't understand (yet).

You should thank them for caring about you that much!!
 

TC03

macrumors 65816
Aug 17, 2008
1,272
356
You didn't answer the questions.

Don't you think they have better things to do? I would guess that they do, but because they love you they aren't doing them because they want to make sure you are safe and heading in the right direction in life.

Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do? Yes, the primary job of a parent is to help their child grow into a mature adult. Life has many ways of screwing this up, some you may not be aware of because of your limited life experiences. As you spend time in the world, you gain those experiences... good and bad. They seem to want to spare you some of the grief they may have experienced.

Because your friends parent's don't do this, this tells me you have better parents! :):):) They are willing to invest their time and energy into your life, at the risk of upsetting you, because you don't understand (yet).

You should thank them for caring about you that much!!
Uhm no.
 

hamiltonDSi

macrumors 68000
Jul 29, 2012
1,541
247
Romania
My parantes never checked my phone when I was a kid and a teenager,
I received my first phone when I was in the 5th grade (I was a little kid but their decision was based on a happening - my father has a friend and his kid got in an accident and the child could not reach his parents) and I had only 6 contacts in it; my mother, father, sister, aunt, uncle and godfather.

I started texting and all that kind of stuff in the 7th grade when I made a lot of friends and kids my age started getting phones. My family was ok with it and never looked at my phone.

Now I'm 20 years old and the only time my parantes touch my phone is when I show them a cool app, photos from a trip and so on.
They never touch my phone without my permission. And they are paying for my plan & phone because I do not have a job and I'm in collage.

Mind you, when I was in highschool my parantes where severe with me and care very much about my education, friends and so on but they respect my privacy. And they trust me. All the time.
 
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ionjohn

macrumors 65816
Jun 5, 2013
1,185
9
Canada
The title says It all. My parents check my phone and even though I find it annoying, I have nothing to hide. I find it annoying because they do it right in front of my face. I would actually prefer it if they did it while I was sleeping but id prefer if they'd not check it at all. I might even have to put a password on sometimes. Anyway, do you check your teen'a texts?
Hell no my parents never checked mine, this ain't 1950, teenagers are entitled to privacy
 

bigcstyle4

macrumors 6502
Sep 22, 2012
335
139
I didn't have a phone until after I graduated high school (I'm 30 now) and my kids aren't old enough to have cell phones yet. My parents didn't hover over every move I made but then again I never really gave them a reason to. Once my kids have phones, I don't plan on checking their messages unless I feel that something is wrong.
 

Crichton333

macrumors 6502
May 4, 2014
343
32
I think checking messages would only drive the parents crazy, that would be like a full time stalking job. Teens these days rapid fire messages round the clock.
 

Jessica Lares

macrumors G3
Oct 31, 2009
9,274
781
Near Dallas, Texas, USA
I check my brother's iCloud account and his messages. He trusts me with his PIN, and I manage everyone's Apple IDs to begin with.

Better me than his mother who will make a big deal about every little thing.

I just do it to make sure everything's okay. He's a minor, sometimes you need a grownup to help you in certain situations because you wouldn't know how to deal with it otherwise. Sometimes he can be really disrespectful too.
 

rui no onna

macrumors G3
Oct 25, 2013
8,365
4,355
I got my first cell phone in high school (was at boarding school) and my parents have never checked my phone. It's not like I had anything to hide though.

That said, my family's not really overly concerned with privacy. It's actually pretty common for us to swap phones for the day or something when someone forgets to charge their battery. While our phones are password protected, we all know what each others' passwords are. For the most part, I'm actually the one who tinkers with my parents' phones since I'm in charge of keeping firmware, apps, contacts, etc updated.
 

pooleman

Suspended
Jan 11, 2012
1,769
424
Eastern CT
I would find that annoying as hell, even though I'm an adult now, looking back that would bother me. I never had a phone until high school though and I paid for it myself so they had a little less control over that I guess.

If they pay for your phone/plan I think they do reserve the right in some capacity to take and or check your phone, but only if you have done something to break their trust. Routine/random checks are a violation of personal space/privacy in my opinion. Teens need their space and should have something that is just theirs.
I disagree. Teens lack good judgement much of the time. They need good parents to train them up correctly. Some oversight is needed.

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They are just looking out for you, just be grateful you have loving parents.
A-men!
 

KUguardgrl13

macrumors 68020
May 16, 2013
2,491
122
Kansas, USA
Boy am I glad I didn't have a texting plan until I was a senior in high school! Was given a flip phone as a freshman so my parents could pick me up at school after activities. Went to college and my parents became concerned that I was texting all the time instead of studying (isn't that what happens when you start a new relationship?), so they blocked texting to my line somehow. Then I was given a new phone the next Christmas, and the block disappeared. They didn't get mad at me for it though. By then smartphones were all the rage, and the dumb phone parent controls were useless.

The worst I have to worry about is my mom taking a peek when in home on break or my Facebook privacy settings getting messed up. I have nothing to hide that they don't already assume.

Since you're a minor, there's not much you can do. I've learned that even once you're 18, if they pay for it, it's their prerogative to check it out. That even goes for college grades even though federal law protects you.
 

afsnyder

macrumors 65816
Jan 7, 2014
1,270
33
I switched to my own iMessage account so that they couldn't just switch it on whenever they wanted to read on their own phones.

They don't touch my phone and I never let them. Luckily that works...

plus I have a passcode.
 

magilla

macrumors regular
Aug 3, 2013
223
0
Boy am I glad I didn't have a texting plan until I was a senior in high school! Was given a flip phone as a freshman so my parents could pick me up at school after activities. Went to college and my parents became concerned that I was texting all the time instead of studying (isn't that what happens when you start a new relationship?), so they blocked texting to my line somehow. Then I was given a new phone the next Christmas, and the block disappeared. They didn't get mad at me for it though. By then smartphones were all the rage, and the dumb phone parent controls were useless.

The worst I have to worry about is my mom taking a peek when in home on break or my Facebook privacy settings getting messed up. I have nothing to hide that they don't already assume.

Since you're a minor, there's not much you can do. I've learned that even once you're 18, if they pay for it, it's their prerogative to check it out. That even goes for college grades even though federal law protects you.
A remarkably erudite and succinct reply. In this day and age, minors forget that, although they DO have some rights, since they ARE minors, they're subject to the oversight of legal adults which, in some cases, may seem to be snooping, spying or prying, they have no control over. Unless they've filed to have themselves declared emancipated from their parents, SOMEONE older than themselves is still responsible for them both in body and actions (under the rule of law in ALL states.)
 

groupersandwich

macrumors 6502
Sep 29, 2011
320
7
Tallahassee, FL
We check our daughter's phone and make no apologies for doing so. As a child she has the right to live under our roof, be fed, educated, clothed and not be abused. Everything else is a PRIVILEGE, iPhone included. I pay for the phone, it belongs to ME, she only borrows it. She can either willfully submit to my rules, including inspection of all electronic devices, or have the PRIVILEGE revoked. No gray area, no compromises.

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this ain't 1950, teenagers are entitled to privacy
No, they're not.
 

aPple nErd

macrumors 68030
Feb 12, 2012
2,605
255
Jailbreaks/IOS Hacks
my parents don't, but did at first. i have pass codes on everything, any my mom demands she knows all of them. i have nothing to hide, but its just a privacy thing. makes me really mad when my mom demands she know my pass codes to EVERYTHING! its not like i deal drugs or something...
 

wrx09md

macrumors member
Nov 4, 2013
68
0
We check our daughter's phone and make no apologies for doing so. As a child she has the right to live under our roof, be fed, educated, clothed and not be abused. Everything else is a PRIVILEGE, iPhone included. I pay for the phone, it belongs to ME, she only borrows it. She can either willfully submit to my rules, including inspection of all electronic devices, or have the PRIVILEGE revoked. No gray area, no compromises.
I feel the exact same way with my 13yo daughter. We go through her phone. Its amazing the things that other kids say.
 

aPple nErd

macrumors 68030
Feb 12, 2012
2,605
255
Jailbreaks/IOS Hacks
i guess the thing that makes me and is that i payed for my iPhone with my own earned money from a summer job. granted she pays service on it, but in my opinion, the only thing she should be allowed to do is look at my cellular usage and such un verizon.com. i don't understand why i should have to let here into my phone whenever she wants. i mean i just got my first job. I'm almost a man. not a little boy anymore.
 

ionjohn

macrumors 65816
Jun 5, 2013
1,185
9
Canada
We check our daughter's phone and make no apologies for doing so. As a child she has the right to live under our roof, be fed, educated, clothed and not be abused. Everything else is a PRIVILEGE, iPhone included. I pay for the phone, it belongs to ME, she only borrows it. She can either willfully submit to my rules, including inspection of all electronic devices, or have the PRIVILEGE revoked. No gray area, no compromises.

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No, they're not.
That won't stop her from smoking pot, drinking and getting laid
 
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