i feel like an ass. so... basically i dated the love of my life for 3 years... but it wasnt a good relationship.... we were young, he wanted to be as free as possible and i wanted to settle down. over time the trust broke down and all i had was anger and resentment. eventually i grew a spine, and told him that a girl can only be let down so many times before she decides to run. he continued to dick around and i left. he was desperate to get me back that eventually the ending of us resulted in something horrific. and still i left. after 6 months of anger i finally went to therapy and came out of denial. i was still in love with him. then one day a few weeks ago, i got a voicemail, and i thought it was him. so i emailed him and it turns out it wasnt him but he wrote "ever since you emailed me, i've been in shock, and all i've wanted to do is call you and meet up to talk.... but i dont have the guts..." so we've been casually chatting on msn. and one day i had this feeling of wanting him back. i freaked out and told him everything of how i feel and that i dont think i can handle being his friend because i love him and i want to be single. im no saint. i left him to be with my friend. we decided that things werent working. so. here's the problem. i love him. i think i would like to be with him in the future. the problem is, before my freak out and confessional outburst, he was kinda sending me nice "yes" signals. now after my proclaimation of wanting to be single, he's sending me "kinda - no - yes?" messages. argh im so selfish. i dont really expect someone to comment... i just want to vent it out.... but if anyone has good sad self pitying songs, that'd be great. current one on repeat - divine brown - old skool love.