Ex-girlfriends who come back to haunt you

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by GanChan, Jan 10, 2009.

  1. GanChan macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2005
    #1
    Anyone have experiences, stories, or wisdom to share along these lines?

    I've had a couple of emails from old girlfriends from YEARS before who located me (after some online searching) and suddenly wanted to know all about what I was doing, etc. I ignored the first one and she apparently took the hint and disappeared again. But I don't fancy my chances for the same luck with this other one, so I haven't decided what to do there. Honestly, I'd prefer to be left alone, but there's no polite way to say that.

    Shouldn't it be evident that if I'd wanted to re-establish communications with these people, I would have done it years ago?
     
  2. PlaceofDis macrumors Core

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    Jan 6, 2004
    #2
    i've lost contact with plenty of people through the years - friends and exes alike who have found me again or who i have found. and its pretty much been for the best overall because you can never have enough friends, at least not in my opinion. perhaps they're not looking to re-establish relationships but just friendships. i dont think it is all that odd.

    but if you dont want to be bothered by it... just ignore them i suppose. or just be honest and say you have no desire to talk to them.
     
  3. echeck macrumors 68000

    echeck

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    Apr 20, 2004
    Location:
    Boise, Idaho
    #3
    My wife was my ex's maid of honor at her wedding.

    Can you say: awkward?

    My wife was pregnant at the time too. They get along great, but there's definitely some bottom-level animosity towards me from the ex. Very weird situation. Thankfully the ex lives in another state, so on the rare occasion that they do get together my wife understands when I make myself scarce. Heh.

    But back on topic...

    If you never want to be bothered by them again, simply tell them that it might not be a bad idea to get "tested".

    You'll never hear from them again. :)
     
  4. Demosthenes X macrumors 68000

    Demosthenes X

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    Oct 21, 2008
    #4
    One of my exes nearly bought my car when I was selling it... so keeping touch with exes isn't all bad! ;)

    But seriously, if you don't want to talk to them, I would ignore them. If you're on Facebook or whatever, make sure your privacy settings are set up so they can't see your profile, and you shouldn't have too much trouble. If they're really persistent you might just to have to tell them straight up to stop contacting you, but I think most would get the hint...
     
  5. spork183 macrumors 6502a

    spork183

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    #5
    Never had a problem a good exorcist couldn't fix... :rolleyes:
     
  6. annk Administrator

    annk

    Staff Member

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    #6
    Sorry but I just have to ask - - the woman who is now your wife was pregnant with your baby when she was the maid of honor at your wedding with your first wife? Or have I completely gone crazy and misunderstood? :eek::p

    To the OP, and back on topic: I got in touch a couple years ago with an old boyfriend. We're both happily married now, but I got to thinking about him and genuinely wanted to know how he was. We had a good break up, so there was no old animosity or any reason to be suspicious about my intentions. We had a really nice e-mail conversation for a while, then it died a natural death. But I'm sure will be in touch now and again through the coming years.

    So it's not all scary stalker stuff when an ex gets in touch. ;)
     
  7. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

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    Feb 19, 2005
    #7
    If someone strikes up conversation with you that you simply wish would not, it is entirely your responsibility to let her know. Don't screw around and assume she will take some wild hint. You simply need to man up and tell her you wish not to have further contact. Instead of allowing her to make an ass out of herself by continually trying to contact you ... just tell her.

    As a female it pisses me off to no end to be in that situation. It is perfectly acceptable if you do not wish to talk, but what is unacceptable is the fact that you can't man up and just tell her.
     
  8. leishan macrumors 6502

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    Jan 29, 2005
    #8
    That has been the only negative aspect for me with Facebook and myspace--crazy exes wanting to "reconnect".
     
  9. echeck macrumors 68000

    echeck

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    #9
    Wow. I really should have clarified. It was my ex-girlfriend's wedding that my wife was the maid of honor at. My wife and I had been married for just over four years when my ex-girlfriend got married.

    Heh. Your version would have been much more interesting to say the least!

    :D
     
  10. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

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    #10
    A few years back at my girlfriends cousins party, one of my ex's turned up because she was good friends with the host. Was a little odd that. The ex later flirted and danced around with my girlfriends brother, nothing came of it though. That would just be too messy if so :D
     
  11. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #11
    I'm with you. I don't want to keep in touch with my exes either. If we broke up, then there's something that we just couldn't stand about each other. It wasn't just a nuissance that we can both overlook.

    My friends obviously don't have any traits that I can't stand, and vice versa. Better to be friends with them, no?


    That, and I don't need more friends.
     
  12. runningman macrumors regular

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    Jan 8, 2003
    #12
    If your interested in reconnecting with them fine, however, be cautious if they are in a relationship or you are. If this is the case the best course of action is letting the person know that you are not interested in reconnecting. It may save you a lot of trouble later on especially in light of posting and texting one loses the subtlety of the underlying message and meaning and things can be misconstrued.
     
  13. Rt&Dzine macrumors 6502a

    Rt&Dzine

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    #13
    1. Nip it in the bud. Don't reply.

    2. No, it isn't evident that you don't want contact just because you haven't contacted someone.
     
  14. kellen macrumors 68020

    kellen

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    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    #14
    Had someone try to get ahold of me after ~8 years. Just saying they wanted to meet up for coffee. Been in a serious relationship for 7 of those years, so I said no and just nipped it in the bud.

    I wouldn't want my GF to do it, but if she did I wouldn't be mad as I trust her. I would of course like to know before hand, not after.
     
  15. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

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    Jul 4, 2004
    #15
    Asking to meet for coffee, emails and drunken phone calls tend to be the average ex-girlfriends' hauntings...

    Not at all like many ex-boyfriends, some of whom can take things just a bit far, with murder and attacks, murdering children, setting houses on fire, stalking women at their places of work etc.
     
  16. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

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    #16
    Wirelessly posted (Nokia 5800 Tube XpressMusic : Mozilla/5.0 (SymbianOS/9.4; U; Series60/5.0 Nokia5800d-1/10.0.010; Profile/MIDP-2.1 Configuration/CLDC-1.1 ) AppleWebKit/413 (KHTML, like Gecko) Safari/413)

    Crazy things are done by both genders.
     
  17. BrettFarve04 macrumors regular

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    Milwaukee, WI
    #17
    Best advice I can give you cause I'm a dumbass and went back to ex's before is



    "Ex's are ex's for reason otherwise you'd still be with them!!!!"

    As tempting as it is...and how ever much you "believe that it will work again....chances are it won't. Hate to burst your bubble but you will be happier, safer, saner and just a better person without that ex making your life a living hell!!!!!!
     
  18. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

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    Oct 9, 2006
    #18

    You know that is not always going to work. My last ex hurt me and hurt me really badly. It took me over a year just to pull myself back together again after all the fall out. I am still dealing with some of the issues nearly 3 years later.

    If my ex try to contact me I know I will delete it and completely ignore her. Reason being is I can not deal with it. I went though WAY to much.

    I would not tell her for self preservation because I can not deal with her. She broke my heart just to date some one else giving me very little time to heal from the break up. Final tally of the fall out of this was most of my friend and this included my best friend because he was dating a close friend of hers. They chose sides since most of our friends where mutual friends and she was more popular than I was.
     
  19. n00basaur macrumors regular

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    Apr 13, 2007
    #19
    An Ex is an Ex for a reason. I'd keep with no contact.
     
  20. pknz macrumors 68020

    pknz

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    #20
    Little unbalanced perhaps?
     
  21. n00basaur macrumors regular

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    #21
    lol @ "man up" and that a man should have to tell his ex-girlfriend that he doesn't want to talk to her. She is responsible for her own feelings and should be able to understand why he wouldn't want to speak to her again.
    A girl just can't try to come back into her ex-boyfriend's life as if nothing ever happened and expect the guy to play along with it just because she wants to.

    Your advice would be good if it was two people who just started dating and one of them didn't want to continue seeing the other.
     
  22. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

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    Jul 4, 2004
    #22
    Nope. The balance of crimes relating to ex-partners is predominantly with men, sorry to say... and they tend to be far more violent too. Love hurts.
     
  23. millerj123 macrumors 6502a

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    Mar 6, 2008
    #23
    Hm. I've stayed friends with ex's after we broke up, although I didn't make a habit of it. Sometimes you are fine as friends, but just not good as dates. Some of my exes I don't want to get back together with, but I wouldn't mind hearing how they are doing.

    I also have friends that I didn't keep contact with that I'd love to hear how they are doing. I don't want to hang out all the time, but just stop, and say hi periodically.
     
  24. millerj123 macrumors 6502a

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    Mar 6, 2008
    #24
    I'd agree with the violence, and potentially crimes in general, but with women, you get mind games and passive aggressive behaviors, etc. It's not like women don't pull ish too. Women will kill their kids to get the new guy, or the new guy will kill the existing kids. No matter how you slice it, stuff gets sticky.

    I have not done the research on crimes in general, but since men tend to commit more crimes, it probably holds true.
     
  25. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

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    #25
    /is reminded of that girl from the other thread who wouldn't give her boyfriend his ring back.

    Of course both sides are as bad as each other. Thankfully though I'm still friendly with most of my ex's, cept 1. But that was doomed from the start and I just palled around with her to get with her, so to speak. I was only 14 at the time though.

    I've never seen any of my ex's or friends do crazy stuff to their ex-partners. I always thought that stuff was saved for Jeremy Kyle and his cronies.
     

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