Favorite Computer Jokes

Discussion in 'Community' started by velocityg4, Apr 18, 2005.

  1. velocityg4 macrumors 601


    Dec 19, 2004
    I did a quick search and couldn't find any recent threads on favorite computer jokes. Hear is mine what are yours?

    The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
    1. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
    2. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
    3. Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
    4. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
    5. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
    6. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"
    7. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off."
    8. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN"
    9. BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
    10. COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.
    11. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
    12. Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
    13. Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
    14. Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
    15. WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL &
    16. User Error: Replace user.
    17. Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
    18. Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are
    on the way.
    19. User Error: Intelligence Resource Level Insufficient
    20. Netscape.exe... Bad file name...
    21. May we suggest M/S Internet Explorer? (Y/y)
  2. Mitthrawnuruodo Moderator emeritus


    Mar 10, 2004
    Bergen, Norway
    If we're talking Microsoft, then there's unlimited supply of jokes... my all time favorite is the genuine error message:

    No keyboard found, press any key to continue.

    Priceless... :D
  3. MOFS macrumors 65816


    Feb 27, 2003
    Durham, UK
    I dunno - I like this one - seems to sum up Microsoft succintly!

    Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: 23 - 22 to try and find the lightbulb and then 1 to declare darkness as standard!
  4. cb911 macrumors 601


    Mar 12, 2002
    BrisVegas, Australia
    okay - i found a few... :D

    new computer virii -

    The AL GORE virus: causes your computer to just keep counting.
    The CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory.

    The BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

    The LEWINSKY virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did.

    The RONALD REAGAN virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

    The JESSE JACKSON virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.

    The MIKE TYSON virus: quits after two bytes.

    The OPRAH WINFREY virus: your 300 MB hard drive shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200 MB.

    The JACK KEVORKIAN virus: deletes all old files.

    The PROZAC virus: totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care.

    The JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus: only attacks minor files.

    The LORENA BOBBITT virus: reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch floppy, then discards it through Windows.

    SOME COMMON COMPUTER ACRONYMS (and what they really mean)

    PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
    ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
    APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit Losing Entity <-- LOL. :D
    SCSI: System Can't See It
    DOS: Defective Operating System
    DOS-II: Same as above, but we tried to fix it and the new version doesn't work any better than the old one.
    BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control
    IBM: I Blame Microsoft
    DEC: Do Expect Cuts
    CD-ROM: Consumer Device--Rendered Obsolete in Months
    OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
    WWW: World Wide Wait
    MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
    PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
    COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
    AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
    LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parentheses
    MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
    WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
    MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
    and, best of all:
    DOT-COM: Definitely Over Time--Completely Out of Money.

    okay - that's it for me. :D
  5. ravenvii macrumors 604


    Mar 17, 2004
    Melenkurion Skyweir
    One of my favorites is in a sig of a member of the forums:

    Drag and drop for PCs: DRAG your PC off your desk, and DROP it in the trash! :D
  6. quagmire macrumors 603


    Apr 19, 2004
    Well forgot some words, but you will get the idea.

    3 Apple workers and 3 MS workers were going to a computer conference. The MS workers bought 3 tickets for each person. They then noticed the apple workers only one ticket. So they went on the train. The 3 apple workers went into the bathroom. When the person who says, " ticket! ticket! ticket," goes to the bathroom and says, " Ticket!" the door opened and the apple workers gave them the one ticket. They all went to 3 empty seats. The MS workers were whispering to each other how clever the Apple workers were. So on the way back the MS workers bought one ticket, but the apple workers didn't buy any. The 3 MS workers and 2 Apple workers went into 2 bathrooms. Then the 3rd Apple worker came to the bathroom were the MS workers were hiding, the apple worker said, " ticket!", the door opened and the MS workers gave the Apple worker the ticket and the Apple worker went to the bathroom were the other apple workers were.
  7. dotdotdot macrumors 68020

    Jan 23, 2005
    You know Microsoft is creating a new keyboard perfect for their OS?
    "Really? Ya don't say!"
    I do say! It has three buttons: Control, Alt, and Delete!
  8. stoid macrumors 601


    Feb 17, 2002
    So long, and thanks for all the fish!
    At a large computer conference, a Microsoft employee, a Sun employee and an Apple employee meet up at the sink. The Microsoft employee washes his hands, then pulls out a handful of the paper towels, and completely dries his hands. He says to the other two, "At Microsoft we are very thorough." The Sun employee washes his hands and pulls only one paper towel, yet uses every part of it to get his hands fully dry. He says to the other two, "At Sun we are both thorough and efficient." The Apple employee just looks at the other two, shakes his head and says, "At Apple, we don't piss on our hands."
  9. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus


    Jan 9, 2004
    Grand Rapids, MI, USA
    That deserves the picture:

  10. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus


    Jan 9, 2004
    Grand Rapids, MI, USA
    My favorite I think is the saying, "A computer without Windows is like a cake without mustard."

    I'm also very fond of the old DOS Abort, Retry, Ignore prompt for file access failures, with its Abort option that does nothing even remotely similar to aborting. :eek:
  11. homerjward macrumors 68030


    May 11, 2004
    fig tree
    famous last words: "dont worry my life support system's running Windows ninety-*croak*
  12. MacNut macrumors Core


    Jan 4, 2002
    Is your computer running.....

    then your not using Windows. :rolleyes:
  13. mad jew Moderator emeritus

    mad jew

    Apr 3, 2004
    Adelaide, Australia
    If I'm after a bit of a chuckle there's always this:


    It comes out each week and never fails to amuse but there is a definite Australian bias most of the time. Yeah, I know it's not an IT joke as such but it's still pretty funny. :D
  14. absolut_mac macrumors 6502a


    Oct 30, 2003
    Dallas, Texas

    My favorite computer jokes are graphically illustrated below...

    Attached Files:

  15. absolut_mac macrumors 6502a


    Oct 30, 2003
    Dallas, Texas
    MS Flight Simulator

    Attached Files:

  16. AmigoMac macrumors 68020


    Aug 5, 2003
    Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: 1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.

    Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point divider?
    A: "Life is like a box of chocolates." (Source: F. Gump of Intel)

    Q: Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
    A: Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got 585.999983605.

    Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

    As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

    CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)?

    SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .

    ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!
  17. broken_keyboard macrumors 65816


    Apr 19, 2004
    Secret Moon base
    I hate to say it, but computer jokes just aren't very funny. ;)
  18. MongoTheGeek macrumors 68040


    Sep 13, 2003
    Its not so much where you are as when you are.
    A phony message I liked was
    Abort, Retry, Say Kaddish (A,R,S)?

    How many sysadmins does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, they just restrict access to the room

    How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, they'll fix it in software.

    How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb
    None, its a hardware problem.

    How many QA engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
    None, they just document the darkness.

    How long does it take a field service engineer to change a light bulb?
    It depends on how many burned out bulbs he brought with him.
  19. jayb2000 macrumors 6502a


    Apr 18, 2003
    RI -> CA -> ME
    Microsoft Works

    And not quite a computer joke, but an engineer joke.
    A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

    The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."

    "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

    "I am. How did you know?"

    "Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

    The man below says, "You must be in management."

    "I am. But how did you know?"

    "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
  20. saxman macrumors 6502

    May 13, 2004
    There are 10 types of people in this world... those who understand binary, and those who don't
  21. iSaint macrumors 603


    May 26, 2004
    South Mississippi y'all, near the water!
    my fave!!! :D
  22. notjustjay macrumors 603


    Sep 19, 2003
    Canada, eh?
    Rats, you stole mine.
  23. The Past macrumors 6502

    The Past

    Aug 17, 2004
    United States
  24. eRondeau macrumors 65816


    Mar 3, 2004
    Canada's South Coast
    ...at least it's timely!

    Using a Dell PC is a lot like electing a new Pope.

    If the smoke that comes out is black, it's still not quite done.

    If the smoke that comes out is white, it's all over.

    (Oh, gotta go, Leno's on the phone again...)

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