Funny stuff to say to phone salespeople.

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by PowerFullMac, May 11, 2008.

  1. PowerFullMac macrumors 601

    PowerFullMac

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2006
    #1
    Anyone got any funny things to say next time a marketing person rings me and tries to sell me stuff?

    I have one to start - when they ring say you are busy and ask for there home number and when they say no just say "you dont like being disterbed at home do you? Will neither do I!" and hang up :D
     
  2. paddy macrumors 6502a

    paddy

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2005
    Location:
    TN
    #2

    I worked as one of those people, I sold Perlico to pensioners. Horrible stuff. One of my favourites was "stick your Perlico where the sun don't shine". ;)
     
  3. bartelby macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2004
    #3
    I ask for the name of the company and the managers name. As I'm on the call preference list it's illegal for them to cold call me.
    I've only had one company cold call in well over a year and when I told them why I wanted the managers name they hung up.
     
  4. jb60606 macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2008
    Location:
    Chicago
    #4
    Sounds familiar.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3aCL8PIOuM

    It's normally what I tell them if they waste my time with some long winded intro to their pitch. Most telemarketers in America have seen the episode, or have received that treatment before, so they'll usually giggle, then hang up when I ask for their phone number.
     
  5. PowerFullMac thread starter macrumors 601

    PowerFullMac

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2006
    #5
    Ha, I never knew that was from a TV show, I saw it from another forum a long time ago.
     
  6. robbieduncan Moderator emeritus

    robbieduncan

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Location:
    London
    #6
    I do similar. I tell them that they are breaking the law (probably not true) at an individual level and I want their (not their managers) name and contact details as I want to sue them. The last woman sounded like she was about to cry as she apologised and hung up :D

    And yes it is cruel. Yes they are only doing a job. But they called me when I've explicitly said I don't want to be called so they deserve all they get.

    Edit to add: another funny trick is to say that you'll go and get whoever they ask for and keep them hanging. Come back every 5 minutes and see if they are still there and if they are say he/she's just coming. Wastes their time nicely :D
     
  7. PowerFullMac thread starter macrumors 601

    PowerFullMac

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2006
    #7
    Like that one :D
     
  8. TomsMacBook macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2008
    Location:
    Rugeley, England.
    #8
    Airhorn.

    Some company got my mobile number, and since theres no laws against it here, they kept on calling. I sat through about three, and saved the numbers. Next time they called, I waited for him to get 1/2 way through his pitch, and then airhorned him.

    I don't think he'll be telemarketing for a while :D
     
  9. Zwhaler macrumors 603

    Zwhaler

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2006
    #9
    I have heard a bunch of funny stories. Someone I know is really good with accents, and he will listen to the person on the phone for about 20 seconds and then completely match their accent and talk extremely similar to them until they just get pissed or hang up. One of my other friends tries to sell them something and agrees that if they buy what he is trying to sell he will buy whatever the salesperson is trying to sell :D For me, I just talk to them in spanish until they hang up. Also I have been known to pull the famous Seinfeld method.
     
  10. duncyboy macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2008
    #10
    "Hello, I'm calling from [insert company name here] and I wondered if you had a few moments to talk about [insert generic service/product here]?"
    "Certainly, sure. Mind if I ask you a question first?"
    "Erm, yes if you want."
    "What are you wearing?"
    "Sorry? I..."
    "Y'know? Underneath? Anything saucy on? Or are you going Commando?"
    "I'm really not..."
    "Would you like to try my trampoline? I'm into otters, big time."
    *CLICK*

    Fear is your friend :D
     
  11. NEENAHBOY macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2004
    Location:
    Arlington, VA
    #11
    "We do not use <insert product here>."

    The more outlandish, the better. You just have to keep a straight face, but it works every time. :D
     
  12. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #12
    "I'm sorry they're in prison now"

    Oddly enough my mum told me to say that incase any cold callers rang for her so now I just use it for everyone.

    Or if I'm playing a FPS game I'll unmute it and fire a gun, hold the phone away from me and scream "OH MY GOD HE'S BEEN SHOT!" then hang up :D


    ... No police visits yet...
    A friend of mine used to work for a call centre and said it was absolutely soul crushing. Nobody wants to recieve these phonecalls and they all know that. "Imagine being paid to sell things to people who instantly dislike you".
     
  13. Xfujinon macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    Location:
    Iowa City, Iowa
    #13
    It's really cruel, but one of the best was the one a friend of mine did.

    He got the guy talking, and then he started to gradually turn the conversation into how sad he was with his life, how nobody liked him, and how he was going to go shoot himself. So, he got a paper bag, blew it up, and popped it next to the phone, then dropped the receiver.

    I don't fully understand the repurcussions of doing something like that, but it can't be legal. I don't really think suicide is funny, but it was a good trick to play on the phone caller. I've never used it personally.

    I usually try to convert them to some bizarre religion, start getting all preachy and so forth. Works like a charm.
     
  14. Hummer macrumors 65816

    Hummer

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2006
    Location:
    Queens, New York NY-5
    #14
    Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU like Mac OS X; en) AppleWebKit/420.1 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/3.0 Mobile/4A102 Safari/419.3)

    I laughed for a good 10 minutes.
     
  15. robbieduncan Moderator emeritus

    robbieduncan

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    Jul 24, 2002
    Location:
    London
    #15
    Why not? What sort of law can have been broken?
     
  16. paddy macrumors 6502a

    paddy

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2005
    Location:
    TN
    #16
    Oh God it is. 9-5 selling Perlico to pensioners (who get free phone lines and calls from the state anyway), doing very well if you make 6 sales a day out of 300/400 calls.

    It's not the abuse that bothers you, it's the tone of the customer, like you something dirty they just stepped on.

    Oh well...
     
  17. jb60606 macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2008
    Location:
    Chicago
    #17
    It's not illegal, though, in the US at least; if the telemarketer calls the authorities and they pay you a visit, you can be fined a "false alarm" fee.

    Usually, they'll wait until the 2nd or third false alarm, but the number of visits usually isn't anything that is set in stone.

    I bet, between home security systems and prank calls like this -- they're raking in a lot of dough.
     
  18. robbieduncan Moderator emeritus

    robbieduncan

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2002
    Location:
    London
    #18
    Seems to me that the telemarkers should pay the fine/fee: they raised the alarm not you. They are the ones who mis-interpreted the information.
     
  19. c073186 macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2007
    #19
    I tell them I'd be glad to sign up if they give me a free iPhone or MacBoook Air.
     
  20. gnasher729 macrumors P6

    gnasher729

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2005
    #20
    The best story I read was published on the Internet one or two years ago. They guy pretended to be an FBI agent investigating a homicide, so he was obviously very interested in finding out why the person calling was trying to call a murder victim. That kind of agent would ask very unnerving questions, and you wouldn't dare hanging up on him. Obviously the whole conversation was recorded and posted. Maybe some reader remembers it and can dig out a link.
     
  21. Gray-Wolf macrumors 68030

    Gray-Wolf

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2008
    Location:
    Pandora, Home Tree
    #21
    Depends on the gender of the sales person. If a girl, I ask if we can just talk a little while, that I'm really board. They usually hang up then. If a male, I let them get through the whole speech, then just say no, and hang up.
     
  22. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #22
    /does remember.
    IIRC it was for some radio show. Bloody hilarious too.

    Found it :)
     
  23. Mr. lax macrumors 6502

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    Apr 6, 2007
    Location:
    Canada
  24. BlakTornado Guest

    BlakTornado

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2007
    Location:
    Washington, OH
    #24
    Start flirting with them, no matter what gender.

    Particularly amusing if it's the same sex (Especially two males)

    Could be amusing :p

    Should drive em away pretty quickly lol.
     
  25. Keebler macrumors 68030

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Location:
    Canada
    #25
    i did this one, but now i feel guilty b/c of it. feel like i jinxed myself.

    the call was from Columbia House DVD club (you know, buy 6 dvds for cheap, 1 free, then only x amount for the next year).

    I politely declined, but the person kept going. i declined again. she kept going.

    finally i said, i need to tell you something.

    she said, ok.

    i said, "I don't watch DVDs b/c i had surgery and they botched it and now I can't see."

    she apologized and hung up.

    i respect the fact that this is a job for these folks and i'm always polite until they keep going.

    then i lay into them.

    cheers,
    keebler
     

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