Girlfriend's parents racist

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by dontwalkhand, Apr 22, 2011.

  1. dontwalkhand macrumors 601

    dontwalkhand

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2007
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #1
    Wirelessly posted (iPhone : Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU iPhone OS 4_2_6 like Mac OS X; en-us) AppleWebKit/533.17.9 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/5.0.2 Mobile/8E200 Safari/6533.18.5)

    I have dark skin and chinky eyes, I am a dark skinned Hispanic and Asian guy. I love my girlfriend to bits, but just today, I found out that her parents "didn't approve" of our relationship because I wasn't white. Why must our society still contain people who are like this? Why just not let true love work it's magic on it's own?

    My girlfriend said she loved me no matter what, and that to not let her bother me, but this really hurt. I am pretty thick skinned, and usually don't let stuff bother me, but this really did. I still love her no matter what. This will not change my love for her in any way, on the other hand, it does change the way I see her parents. What to do?
     
  2. likemyorbs macrumors 68000

    likemyorbs

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2008
    Location:
    NJ
    #2
    Knock her up, her parents will change their tune quickly when it concerns their grandchild.
     
  3. The Californian macrumors 68040

    The Californian

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2009
    Location:
    Surfers Paradise
    #3
    Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU iPhone OS 4_3_2 like Mac OS X; en-us) AppleWebKit/533.17.9 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/5.0.2 Mobile/8H7 Safari/6533.18.5)

    Just be yourself. If she doesn't care then it doesn't matter.
     
  4. glocke12 macrumors 6502a

    glocke12

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    #4
    Dont worry about it...Just be good to their daughter and in time they will more than likely accept you.
     
  5. molala macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2008
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    #5
    Wirelessly posted (Opera/9.80 (iPhone; Opera Mini/5.0.019802/24.783; U; en) Presto/2.5.25 Version/10.54)

    It doesn't matter, many parents eventually approve and even adjust their attitudes when they see how happy and well-looked after their child is. And if you don't wear them down, it's their loss.
     
  6. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #6
    Your girlfriend could lay it on the line to her parents.

    It's her life now, not theirs. Somehow, they have raise a better child than they were.

    If they don't change their attitude towards you, she will be forced to limit future interaction between them and her.

    Simple.

    Oh, is she an only child, or does she have older or younger siblings?
     
  7. Squadleader macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2010
    Location:
    Avalon Hill
    #7

    Maybe they don't like you for some other reason, but its easier for you just to call em racist...Its most likely it wouldn't have mattered if you were Brad Pitt, its their daughter and NO ONE will measure up.....You'll see, one day...
     
  8. Apple OC macrumors 68040

    Apple OC

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2010
    Location:
    Hogtown
    #8
    give it time ... treat her well and they will come around
     
  9. torbjoern macrumors 65816

    torbjoern

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2009
    Location:
    The Black Lodge
    #9
    Did they really say it's because of the colour of your skin?

    If so, I wonder why you would want such parents-in-law in the first place.
     
  10. ender land macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    #10
    You should have told them something like "it's ok, you're white so I don't have to listen to what you say?"

    Errr... ;)

    More seriously, I would talk to your girlfriend about it, and decide on which of you should approach them (maybe both of you together). If you two have any possibility of being married you are going to have to address this at some point and postponing the eventual followup conversation is only going to make things worse. The elephant in the room is going to take over the entire room, you are going to get bitter or wonder about what they think, your gf is going to be in a really awkward position, etc.

    You know the situation better obviously but this is probably going to take a lot of balls to have the conversation you need to have.
     
  11. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #11
    What??? :eek:

    What type of mores do you have in Norway?

    Here we look for a life-partner first, not a family to marry into.
     
  12. torbjoern macrumors 65816

    torbjoern

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2009
    Location:
    The Black Lodge
    #12
    I think most of my countrymen would agree with you on this. On certain points, however, I'm even more old-fashioned than my own parents... or is that called being "conservative"?
     
  13. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #13
    Well, that is certainly one of the applicable terms, but I won't belittle you further on that topic.

    Your life is just that. Do with it what you will.
     
  14. WillEH macrumors 6502a

    WillEH

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2011
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    #14
    "You can choose your friends, but not your family", comes to mind! :rolleyes:
     
  15. torbjoern macrumors 65816

    torbjoern

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2009
    Location:
    The Black Lodge
    #15
    Interesting twist, I like that. So the question becomes: Can you choose your girlfriend's family?
     
  16. citizenzen macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2010
    #16
    Quite practical ones actually.

    One's prospective in-laws should definitely play a part in the decision one makes when committing to a life-long relationship.
     
  17. Pink∆Floyd macrumors 68020

    Pink∆Floyd

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Location:
    Up There
    #17
    Now why would you suggest such an idea?

    That's not how one would resolve this problem...
     
  18. ender land macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    #18
    I think I agree with this, to a limited extent.

    Depending on the stage of a relationship I was in, for the sake of the girl I was with, I probably would have to think a lot about whether or not it was in her best interest to be placed in a situation where she would have to choose me or her family.

    I would much rather break someone's heart once than have it broken on a constant basis by her family :(
     
  19. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #19
    So, your 'chivalry' would remove any decision-making on her part?

    Charming.
     
  20. ender land macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    #20
    Oh of course.

    I would never once ask her about it (or even talk about it, I'd make sure we never talked about it or discussed it as a couple). I'd probably spring the breakup as a fake proposal too.

    ...
     
  21. SuperCachetes macrumors 6502a

    SuperCachetes

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2010
    Location:
    Away from you
    #21
    I am in a mixed-race marriage as well and my wife went through the same thing with my family, to a probably lesser extent.

    People with any sort of intelligence and compassion will often come around, but it can take a long time. I wouldn't let it trouble you.

    Don't dwell on it, and take the high road. Remember that their weak spot is the welfare of their daughter, and if you demonstrably cater to that need (no reason why you wouldn't, if you are in love!) then you can win them over.

    Also remember that you are an "ambassador" of sorts for all Hispanic and maybe Asian people. It sounds like you are being unfairly scrutinized, but you can also break down barriers for these unfortunate racists if you're lucky.

    But again, I wouldn't worry too much about it. All in all, I believe love overpowers hate, and you are on the "right side" of that battle. Good luck.
     
  22. MovieCutter macrumors 68040

    MovieCutter

    Joined:
    May 3, 2005
    Location:
    Washington, DC
  23. eawmp1 macrumors 601

    eawmp1

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Location:
    FL
    #23
    You can choose to not associate with your family (applies to the girlfriend). OP, you need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend. The possible outcomes of their bigotry:

    You are as charming as Poitier, and they eventually come around.
    They never accept you. There is constant tension that will result in:
    Your girlfriend rejecting you
    Your girlfriend cleaving from her family to be with you
    A long, uncomfortable "detente"
     
  24. CalBoy macrumors 604

    CalBoy

    Joined:
    May 21, 2007
    #24
    I'm still a little confused about something. Did her parent(s) say they didn't like you because of your race to your face or did your girlfriend say this to you afterwards (ie, "Mom and Dad don't approve of you because you're not white.")?

    If it's the latter, it is entirely possible that your girlfriend took their concerns out of context and added the racial element because she was upset that they didn't like you (for other, non-racial reasons). If this is the situation, I would try to get things straight before you build resentment towards them for something they didn't actually say.

    If they actually did say this to your face, my advice is to ignore it. Nothing defeats the a-holes, racists, and judgmental pricks of this world (all of which her parents would have to be if they said this to your face) like showing them you don't care one bit what they think.

    If they make racist comments in front of you (maybe even to get a rise out of you), make it clear in a firm, but not angry, way that such things aren't appropriate and you won't tolerate their disrespect.
     
  25. Abyssgh0st macrumors 68000

    Abyssgh0st

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2009
    Location:
    Norman, OK
    #25
    Profile says 21.
     

Share This Page