God forgives me all my sins

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by aaronvan, Aug 28, 2014.

  1. aaronvan Suspended

    aaronvan

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2011
    Location:
    República Cascadia
    #1
    Some kids in starched white shirts and skinny ties came to my door to say that God forgives me. Jesus, too. "Really?" I said. "I haven’t done anything that should require forgiveness from God or any other higher deity, or even catch their attention. In fact, God should be begging my forgiveness because He is the cause of all the pain and horror in the world. He created this mess; yet, He stands by smirking while we suffer murder, disease, famine and any number of unpleasant occurrences. There is genocide, climate change, wars and rumors of wars--yet the Big Guy continues with his hide & seek routine. Truth be told, the whole thing seems rather sketchy."

    They seemed a bit uncertain and perplexed. They were still standing there when I bid them good day and closed the door.
     
  2. LIVEFRMNYC macrumors 603

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    #2
    But if you accept the lord and savior Jesus Christ into your life, all of that will go away. :p
     
  3. chown33 macrumors 604

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    #3
    Better be careful. They might try to behead you.
     
  4. jkcerda macrumors 6502

    jkcerda

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    Criminal Mexi Midget
  5. VI™ macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2010
    Location:
    Shepherdsturd, WV
    #5
    I was outside detailing my car for a trip to a show at the beach the next day when some fellas like that walked up. The one saved my friend while he was standing there with a beer in his hand. The other helped me remove the wax from my VW.
     
  6. P-Worm macrumors 68020

    P-Worm

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2002
    Location:
    Salt Lake City, UT
    #6
    Sounds like you showed them.

    P-Worm
     
  7. yg17 macrumors G5

    yg17

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2004
    Location:
    St. Louis, MO
    #7

    I was outside finishing up mowing my lawn when they swarmed in on my neighborhood from all directions. There were 3 or 4 pairs making sure they hit every house. The battery on my trimmer died just as they were near so I loudly mumbled "Jesus ****ing Christ goddamn battery", which I would say if there were no Mormons nearby because I swear a lot. Maybe I said it louder, but I still would've said it. Because there's nothing I hate more than yard work on a hot day, and when I hate something, I can make a sailor blush. Anyhow, they skipped right over my house. Didn't approach me, didn't say two words to me. But they rang doorbells on every single other house near me.

    I guess they figured that if I'm using their lord's name in vein over something as trivial and inconsequential in life as a dead battery on a trimmer (which was immediately remedied by me going inside and grabbing the now fully charged spare from the charger), then I was too far gone to be saved.

    Too bad they didn't come 45 minutes earlier, I probably could've gotten them to mow my lawn for me. I'd listen to their nonsense to sit in my air conditioned house while my lawn got mowed ;)
     
  8. APlotdevice macrumors 68040

    APlotdevice

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2011
    #9
    Why did you take a picture of the picture in your camera roll? :confused:
     
  9. dec. Suspended

    dec.

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2012
    Location:
    Toronto
    #11
    Had some JW's (I think) at the door the other day - "we'd like to talk to you about god" -"no, you wouldn't, now go away". (I'm still saving the "wait a sec, my husband would like to hear the too")

    It's such a strange state of mind to go wandering around advertising your favourite mythological creature to complete strangers...?!
     
  10. roadbloc macrumors G3

    roadbloc

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2009
    Location:
    UK
    #12
    Yep. Screw praying for a new Mac Pro. I'll just steal one and then pray for forgiveness.
     
  11. rdowns macrumors Penryn

    rdowns

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2003
    #13
    I had 2 show up at my new condo when the front gate wasn't working. Answered door in my robe and let it slip open. They left pretty quickly.
     
  12. LIVEFRMNYC macrumors 603

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    #14
    No worries, I don't think there's a limit on how many times you can be saved. Some get saved on a weekly basis. SWEET!!!! :D
     
  13. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2002
    Location:
    Republic of Ukistan
    #15
    There's a law against causing existential panic.
     
  14. rdowns macrumors Penryn

    rdowns

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2003
    #16

    True, but it was only a little panic. :eek:
     
  15. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2002
    Location:
    Republic of Ukistan
    #17
    Only a misdemeanour, then.
     
  16. aaronvan thread starter Suspended

    aaronvan

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2011
    Location:
    República Cascadia
    #18
    Uncontrolled laughter is often mistaken for abject panic. ;)
     
  17. rdowns macrumors Penryn

    rdowns

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2003
    #19

    I shall sue you for slander. In small claims court of course.
     
  18. gkarris macrumors 604

    gkarris

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2004
    Location:
    "No escape from Reality..."
    #20
    Ah, nice to know mocking and hating Christians is alive and well....:eek:

    :rolleyes:
     
  19. noisycats macrumors 6502a

    noisycats

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2010
    Location:
    The 'ham. Alabama.
    #21
    If they come to my door, they get what they get.

    I don't go to their house or their church and tell them what I believe, why should they feel the right to come to mine?
     
  20. Meister Suspended

    Meister

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2013
    #22
    Against a reasonable donation I will forgive sins, too.
    Repent now!
     
  21. VulchR macrumors 68020

    VulchR

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2009
    Location:
    Scotland
    #23
    When evangelists knock on my door, I just tell them I worship trees and thank them for their time and consideration.
     
  22. APlotdevice macrumors 68040

    APlotdevice

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2011
    #24
    Do you accept buckets full of pennies?
     
  23. obeygiant macrumors 68040

    obeygiant

    Joined:
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    Location:
    totally cool
    #25
    I think I left my copy of The Watchtower up in your room...
     

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