Has anyone dealt with or know financially irresponsible people before?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Misskitty, Jul 18, 2014.

  1. Misskitty, Jul 18, 2014
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2014

    Misskitty macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2010
    #1
    I dont know what to do anymore. My mom has always been very good with her money and taking care of financial priorities in life. My dad on the other hand has always been the complete opposite. He wastes it away money every chance he gets, and when I say waste, I mean waste. It goes to stuff that he doesnt even use. He doesnt have any life savings, he lives pay cheque to pay cheque working 30 hours a week at walmart, scraping his nickels and dimes to buy him lunch. He is 82 and my mom is 69.

    My mom has pretty much been supporting his *** for the past 10 years. Everything from food, to their car payments to his insurance (he drives, she doesnt but yet my mom financed the car), even gas....she pays for. He just puts it on her credit card. They needed to get a new car cause his old car was old and he kept sinking moms money into repairs on it. I have never seen my mom so upset before.

    Well like a month later they had no choice but to get a new car. Guess who financed it, mom. Hes a poor soul, he can barely feed himself and you think he can finance a car? Guess who does the payments, mom (but me as well so I take the stress off her, the last thing she needs is another monthly bill) cause I know he sure aint doing the monthly payments on it. She doesnt drive because shes not comfortable driving, she hasnt driven in over 30 years. So he drives her everywhere she needs to go, shopping, work, etc.

    She pays for the gas and he just drives for the sake of driving. 8 hours everyday, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, no matter if it doesnt have anywhere to go, he just drives around the city all day and wastes gas (he works nights so he has all morning and afternoon free). He thinks cars run off water. This would explain why he has to fill up every 3-5 days. But he doesnt care cause its not his money. Again, just puts it on the wifes card. Make it his money and trust me HE WILL DAMN care. I gaurentee that! And its just little **** here and there that really piss me off. Him starting his (or should I say HIS WIFES car) and letting it sit for 20mins in the winters before leaving the house. Leaving the TV on all night. JUST WASTING MONEY!

    I will give him some credit, he does pay for the water, electricity and gas (house) bills every month.

    What i just dont get is how when i grew up,dad would always tell me to save my money and dont buy stuff i dont need. Well look whos talking!

    Well my mom i know has been fed up with his BS for the past few years and even though I keep telling her that she should leave him she wont. They have been married for over 50 years. I keep harping on her to leave his ***. Hes not going to learn until you take everything from him. Take the car keys from him. He doesnt own it. He doesnt even pay for the gas. Take away his cards. Make him use his cash. But he knows he would end up in a homeless shelter within a couple days if she did this. She just loves him too much to do something like this.

    But what really pisses me off is that Ive been trying to help mom with her bills by giving her money and paying her bills. But i cant do this when dad keeps piling up the bills right back up! Like seriously, who the hell drives for 8 hours everyday just for the sake of driving around?! Really! Even with the new car being much better on gas than his old gas guzzler, we still pay more on gas each month than most do on their car payments. All because he just drives around all ****** day like if the car ran on water. Ridiculous.

    But still, he is single handedly wrecking her financially. Shes not in serious debt but i know gaurenteed she would be much better off without him. I keep telling her, you know...you wont be able to pay off your debt until he passes away. I know some of you may think thats rude for me to say about my own dad but its true. He is a burden on her and the only way things will change or stop is when he passes away. Its the harsh fact, but its true. Until he leaves this world, mom wont be able to pay off her bills. Which really wont be long because he has diabettes and he has already lost his mind in the past 5 years. He eats like crap and after endless amount of tries of my siblings, mom and I trying to change his ways and educate him at the end of the day he doesnt give a **** about his health or well being. Theres only so much you can do when someone isnt willing to listen and is so stubborn. If he wants to eat Iciban, processed trash like donuts and high fat french fries and drink high sugar juices and eat no veggies and doesnt get his vitamins and nutrients everyday then so be it. He is literally killing himself the way he eats alone. My dad just never learns.

    This whole situation just makes me so upset. Ive tried and tried and tried talking to my dad in the past but hes the most stubborn person you will ever met and never listens. Doesnt help that he doesnt have the same hearing and ability to hear what others have to say as before. But im just so upset at him that when I go to my parents house and hes there I dont even say hi anymore and I quite frankly cant even look at him anymore because im just so full of rage towards him. He wont change trust me. If he wouldnt change 10 years ago, he sure wouldnt today. Hes more stubborn than ever.
     
  2. wannabepcuser macrumors member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2013
    #2
    Sounds just like my dad. My mom passed when I was in college. They inherited around a million dollars and he lost it all in the last 15 years. He decided he was too good to pay taxes.. Guess what? Uncle Sam came and took it all.

    He now has nothing. No matter what we told him he wouldn't listen.

    I will offer him no help or anything for all of the lies.

    Best of luck to you.
     
  3. MICHAELSD macrumors 68040

    MICHAELSD

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2008
    Location:
    NJ
    #3
    It's not the best of situations but he is 82: well into retirement. He doesn't have to be working at all, and he's not about to change his ways with spending at this age. Should probably talk to him about his driving habits though as he might end up in an accident if his abilities are diminishing with age.

    Has he been so reckless with his money throughout his life? It sounds like he's impulsive and wants to spend all his money while he's here; totally justifiable despite being irresponsible.

    I do hope it works out and that he at least cuts down on using gas to be a bit lighter on your mom's wallet.
     
  4. snberk103 macrumors 603

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2007
    Location:
    An Island in the Salish Sea
    #4
    You can't change either of their behaviours, and you're just going to make your life miserable trying. For better or for worse, you will be much less stressed if you can just accept an unfortunate situation instead trying to fix it.

    If you think Dad is not too long for this world... then start a savings plan for your mom yourself. When diabetes or bad driving does what it sounds like it will do, at least you then give her a bit of a nest egg. Though I may tell her a white lie and say it came from a work windfall. Telling her you were basically betting on your dad's shortened life may not go over well.

    I can say all this based on the shelf full of advanced degrees I have in therapy and counselling (Not!)....

    It's a tough situation.. and sometimes life sucks. And you can't do anything about it. I have sympathy for you... I know what its like to want to make things better for a loved one, to be caught in the middle, and not really have any control over it. If you were here I'd give you a big hug.... so go find a good hugger and get some. It sounds like you could use a few.
     
  5. Misskitty thread starter macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2010
    #5
    Im proud of your uncle. Brave move but some people just wont learn until they have nothing.
     
  6. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #6
    Sorry if you're simply making a joke, but you know to what Uncle Sam typically refers, right?
     
  7. quagmire macrumors 603

    quagmire

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    #7
    Uncle Sam= the US government.
     
  8. Misskitty thread starter macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2010
    #8
    My dad has always been this way. Hes always stressed to me the importance of cherishing every dollar i have and to save up yet hes the absolute last person to listen to.

    He will never listen about the gas. My mom has tried a zillion times to tell him to cut back, not just for the cost but mentally. Do you really love driving that much that you want to devote all youre retirement years into?

    Hes already a terrible driver as is. Know one except mom will drive with him, i know i sure wont. Considering hes been losing his hearing over the past few years and isnt the same attentitive person as before....hes playing with fire on the road.
     
  9. Shrink macrumors G3

    Shrink

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2011
    Location:
    New England, USA
    #9
    What is it that you are expecting from the posters here?

    Solutions to your problems?...never happen.

    Sympathy for your plight?...seeking pity is kind of undignified. imo.

    Having others complain about their similar problems?...a misery-loves-company thread.

    I am curious as to your purpose...
     
  10. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #10
    First and foremost, you won't change the man now and you certainly won't succeed in fixing things by posting a thread here. Second, if he is truly a danger on the road then it would behoove you to talk to your mom as she appears slightly more rational. If they do nothing then he will have to suffer to consequences. Does the Department of Motor Vehicles or whatever you have up there actually check on a senior citizen's ability to drive? Finally, it is not your business what your dad does with his money, it is your mom's though and somehow she seems halfway okay with it.

    I don't "deal" with financial irresponsible people. I exclude them from my life if they are adversely affecting my bottom line. To the extent they are not, I simply mind my own business. They fall, they fall.
     
  11. mr99 macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2014
    #11
    Perhaps a place to vent? I thought this thread was very odd as I read through it, not sure why I did...
     
  12. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #12
    Well, Misskitty does tend to create odd threads. (No disrespect intended.)
     
  13. Meister Suspended

    Meister

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2013
    #13
    He is 82 and working at wallmart. What would you do? Start saving? :D
     
  14. Tomorrow macrumors 604

    Tomorrow

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Location:
    Always a day away
    #14
    OP, are your parents married? Like, to each other?
     
  15. chown33 macrumors 604

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    #15
    The only practical suggestion I can think of is: get an all-electric car. Not a hybrid, an all-electric one that only plugs in.

    They're not cheap, and they're still uncommon enough that it's probably still a seller's market when selling used. Still, it might be worthwhile to at least run the numbers with current gas consumption rate. An all-electric could be more economical.
     
  16. noodlemanc macrumors regular

    noodlemanc

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2010
    Location:
    Australasia
    #16
    My dad isn't the most financially responsible either, although not nearly as bad as yours. Basically he lived like a bachelor with no obligations, despite having a family and being self employed. His financial situation is getting better now though, as me, my mum and sister moved to Australia, leaving him in NZ living with his sister -- where he can actually be a bachelor again ;)
     

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