Help me convince my wife that gays are not evil.

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by TimDaddy, Feb 26, 2004.

  1. TimDaddy macrumors 6502

    Mar 13, 2002
    Versailles, KY (and that's pronounced Vurr-sales)
    Over the past few years, my wife has been going to church A LOT. Her radio is preset to all the religious channels. So, what has happened is, the loving church has changed my once happy and loving wife into a hateful and bitter Christian. She had gay and lesbian friends in the past, but now, when she hears someone on the radio saying that gays shouldn't be allowed to do this or that, she nods in agreement. We used to talk over politics before an election, and agree on who we'd vote for. This year, we agreed to vote for someone because we both didn't really like his two opponents. But then, right before the election, we get a card in the mail telling how the other guy will destroy our military by allowing gays to join. So, she voted for the ultra conservative based on that. (If she no longer wants to vote together, that's fine. It just irks me that a little gay bashing changed her mind so quickly.) My wife has become a very simple-minded, 1950's style church-wife. When we were in high school, she was a member of Future Business Leaders of America. But, before becoming a businesswoman, she wanted to serve a couple of years in the National Guard. Now, after a few years of church, she has told me these things: "I don't think a woman should be president. We can't handle a job that big." and "Woman aren't suited for the military." Her church has convinced her to discriminate against herself!!! But, that's not the issue here. I am getting sick of her homophobia. We have children, we had them before her deciding to join a group to tell her what to think, and I don't not want them raised like this. I was looking through the history on Safari, and found where she'd been searching for stuff about God and Gays. Of course, she got to read all these verses telling how god despises homosexuality more than other sins. Now, I'm not sure everything in the Bible is true just because it is there. I mean, it's a book. I can write a book, and probably a much easier to read book than the Bible! But, she does consider it all to be true. So, she will always beleive in sin, Hell, the devil, and that gays are the worst sinners and will go to Hell. One thing I would like to do is change my homepage, so when she opens the Safari she will see something from a homosexuals point of view. I don't want a radical, extreme left, feminist website. I want something that will remind her that these people are human beings, not much different than her. I don't want people burning US flags or anything like that. Someone one here once posted the simple statement "Some of us want nothing more than to marry the person we love." My God, I may be emotionally detached, but that almost made me cry. That is what I am looking for. I want my wife to see how mean and hurtful it is to hate people simply because of who they love. Could someone please suggest some websites. They don't even have to be for some organization. Some gay or lesbians personal web page will do, if it will show my wife that they are people with feelings, too.
  2. Dont Hurt Me macrumors 603

    Dont Hurt Me

    Dec 21, 2002
    Yahooville S.C.
    I would remind her its not up to her to judge anyone, and if she is really following the teachings of christ she should love everyone, gays included and even her enemy's for those are the one's who are in most need of this. Jesus was so ahead of his time. He did seek out sinners to talk with and be with. we are all sinners, Gays, you and me. she should remember that. Jesus said love thy God with all your heart and love one another. did he not?
  3. Torajima macrumors regular

    Jan 6, 2004
    Re: Help me convince my wife that gays are not evil.

    Why can't you be more tolerant of your wife's views? As long as she isn't encouraging violence against gays, her views are as valid (or as invalid, depending on your point of view) as anyone else.

    Trying to change her is only going to make her resent you...
  4. cr2sh macrumors 68030


    May 28, 2002
    Re: Re: Help me convince my wife that gays are not evil.

    First she hates gays.. then her husband.. DIVORCE HER! jeez...

    The fact of the matter is, she believes in ficiton, she uses it to guide her life, and in the end... there's nothing you can do to change her mind. (short of writing a better novel than the bible)

    Give up and accept that fact you're married to a confussed woman. Start documenting the crazy stuff she's doing, its only a matter of time before her hate drives her into divorcing you (a sympathizer of the gays) and trying to take the children.. then, the mother will have sole custody and will teach them to hate you, and she'll raise them to be close-minded, homophobic hate machines. Mark my word...

    This post, is just my opinion. I realize others may differ and I respect that, but you asked and I answered.

    I could link you to a few lesbian porno sites.. that always makes me appreciate homosexuals more. :)

    Wow, I'm super offensive today.
  5. virividox macrumors 601


    Aug 19, 2003
    Manila - Nottingham - Philadelphia - Santa Barbar
    dont try to convince her actively, just talkt o her about it once in a while, but dont make it an issue, i mean if its isnt hurting ur marriage and she isnt inciting people to act violently then there shouldnt be a that much concern, given her views may be odd compared to todays standards it doesnt make it any more or less valid
  6. topicolo macrumors 68000


    Jun 4, 2002
    Ottawa, ON
    Maybe you should take yourselves into counselling. A professional will probably have better advice for maintaining your relationship than we would.
  7. FritzTheWonderM macrumors member

    Dec 12, 2003
    Planet 10
    TimDaddy the first question is: Are you gay? If so then you have a bigger problem in your marriage than your wife's opinion. If not, why is this particular opinion of hers a problem?

    I agree with you that a church shouldn't be teaching folks to hate anything. Unfortunately if you look at history (including very recent history) when churches go bad this seems to happen a lot. Clearly though, according to 'traditional christian' teachings homosexuality is against the rules. So are adultery, murder, robbery, etc. Note that nowhere in christian teaching are those who commit 'sin' singled out, but the 'sin' itself. In other words adulterers aren't bad people, just doing something bad. Just remind her that we like the people but dislike the actions. Or as my grandmother put it "All God's children can repent..."

    I return to my previous question now, why are you offended by the fact that she thinks homosexuality is a no-go? Why not be offended by some other christian teaching? She probably doesn't think too highly of jews, does that offend you? She probably thinks adultery is wrong too. Yet you chose homosexuality as a 'sin' worthy of defense. Why?
  8. Opteron macrumors 6502

    Feb 10, 2004
    South Australia
    Hmm, wasn't it Marx who said
    "Religion is the opiate of the masses"

    Aside from that I think Paul could offer some insight.
  9. caveman_uk Guest


    Feb 17, 2003
    Hitchin, Herts, UK
    Re: Re: Help me convince my wife that gays are not evil.

    Tolerant of what? Hating gays? People tolerated the Nazi's and their 'we hate jews' attitude and look where that got us...

    What's there to hate about two people loving each other? Does it actually hurt anyone?

    I think your wife will need rather more convincing than just a new homepage on Safari...
  10. question fear macrumors 68020

    question fear

    Apr 10, 2003
    The "Garden" state
    just out of curiousity which church is your wife listening to?
    also, and please dont take this the wrong way, i noticed you said your wife has been looking at passages on gays and the bible and seems to be more focussed on there someone in her personal life who came out and it scared her? has she ever had a fantasy about women? or have the two of you ever talked about that, or anything? the reason I ask is based on your description of her behavior it seems shes mostly being influenced by opinions on gays, and maybe if you were able to figure out the root of her focus then you could work to understand better.
    does that make sense?

    as for websites try or, both fairly mainstream gay and lesbian newsmagazine/website type things...might help to give her a glimpse into how gay culture is not so different.
  11. brogers macrumors regular

    Apr 6, 2002
    Greensboro, NC
    I am Southern Baptist and a regular at Church. I sing in the choir and am a Deacon. Through all of my church going, I have never heard "hate gays". It is not taught in the mainstream church. Now, with that said, there are extremists in everything. Would like to know what church your wife attends. FritzTheWonderM said it the best. Hating the person is wrong. Dissagreeing with the act or livestyle (sin) is the more appropriate thing. This is where Christians get into trouble. They try to be the judge that only GOD can be.

    Did I mention that my neighbors are gay. Do I run out and grab my boys and bring them back inside whenever my neighbors are outside? Not on your life. They are wonderful people. I just happen to disagree with their lifestyle. Tell your wife it is OK to hate that, but as a Christian, I/we are charged with loving all people.

  12. Kwyjibo macrumors 68040


    Nov 5, 2002
    Well you need to take a few steps,

    I agree with the documenting comment because anyone whose filled with 'hate' and its documented may have less control over a custody battle .... in the event of a divorce.

    Make sure she is not teaching your children all of these extremist values, the last thing America needs is more extremists in either direction ...

    Its hard to change people (if not impossible), you may not be able to effect this at all especially if she continues to goto these church groups and what have you.

    One of the best things i've ever lived by, is that you don't have to accept something as right or proper you just simply need to tolerate it. Its perfectly alright for her to disagree towards this lifestyle but that miles away from 'hating gays'. Also keep in mind often times these things are a slippery slope and opinions like this ARE an important judge of character ....

    You need to take stock of the situation and do more than just changing the homepage ...
  13. hvfsl macrumors 68000


    Jul 9, 2001
    London, UK
    I think you should find a church that does not promote hate towards gays and go with her. Or go with her to her church so you can discuss it (in a carm manor) afterwards.

    Whatever you do, dont resort to diseption to show her about gays. You need to be with her and look at the bible with her. Let her show you the bible verses that show gays as being evil and discuss it with her.
  14. mactastic macrumors 68040


    Apr 24, 2003
  15. jared_kipe macrumors 68030


    Dec 8, 2003
    It doesn't matter if he is gay. The thing is that those stupid christian ideas about women and gays are bad for the current world. Thus we can't have them being thought to the children can we. The bible has some interesting stuff about how man is the glory of god, and women is the glory of man: and that is in the new testament.
    Fact of the matter all humans are more of less the same, so any teachings that tell you one person is better than another, because of gender sexuality creed or sin, is just against a common goal for humanity.
  16. FritzTheWonderM macrumors member

    Dec 12, 2003
    Planet 10
    Um, forgive me for bringing it up but when did teaching your kids not to be gay become extremist? Certainly your mom and dad thought it was ok to be staight.

    Going too far the other way, (no pun intended) has the same problems as being too 'conservative'. Really all we need are vomitoriums and orgies and we are ancient Rome.
  17. Sun Baked macrumors G5

    Sun Baked

    May 19, 2002
    Sorry, no can do.

    I cannot even prove that the Muppets aren't evil, which could explain why Disney wanted them. ;)
  18. rueyeet macrumors 65816


    Jun 10, 2003
    Thing is, you can't teach someone not to be gay--evidence points to a genetic predisposition, if not outright cause--so that's not the issue. It's about not teaching your kids to hate or look down on people who are different.

    TimDaddy, I'd take a serious look at the church your wife is involved with; she seems to have re-defined her entire life around it and these intolerant views contrary to her former, more open-minded self. Wholesale personality change like that is usually a bad sign. Just because they're using Christ's name doesn't mean they aren't a cult....have they asked for money, or anything else inappropriate?

    Unfortunately, the conservative movement these days seems to not just be about keeping their own values, but trying to force everyone else to keep them too, and despising and ridculing anyone who chooses not to. I don't know how anyone can reconcile that with the message of love that Jesus taught. In my opinion, hate is not a rational thing.

    Good luck to you.
  19. Dippo macrumors 65816


    Sep 27, 2003
    Charlotte, NC
    That is complete junk science. There is just as much evidence that proves that "gayness" isn't genetic at all.

    Politics aside, there is plenty of evidence for each side of the gay gene debate but there isn't enough evidence to prove either side is true. So be careful how you state "facts" when they are not.
  20. Chip NoVaMac macrumors G3

    Chip NoVaMac

    Dec 25, 2003
    Northern Virginia
    I believe it is said those without sin should cast the first stone. Not to say in my mind as a gay male that I am sinful.
  21. sethypoo macrumors 68000

    Oct 8, 2003
    Sacramento, CA, USA
    Re: Re: Re: Help me convince my wife that gays are not evil.

    How old are you, are you married, and do you have any idea how idiotic that statement is?

    Marriages do not end just because there is a difference in opinion between man and wife (or domestic partner).

  22. sonofslim macrumors 6502a


    Jun 6, 2003
    a dollar by paypal says this thread gets out of hand and is shut down before 45 posts... any takers?

    for what it's worth, TimDaddy, i think looking out for your kids is the appropriate thing to do. they need to see someone being open-minded, and that includes tolerance of other people's sexualities as well as other people's religions. tough spot for you, though... good luck.
  23. Dippo macrumors 65816


    Sep 27, 2003
    Charlotte, NC
    I'll take that, but you can't flame anyone and you can't pay anyone else to start flaming.

    TimDad: I think there are deeper problems in your relationship then just your wife hating gays. Even though I don't approve of the gay lifestyle, I think that promoting hate is just as dangerous.

    I do wander what they preach about at her "church"?
  24. sethypoo macrumors 68000

    Oct 8, 2003
    Sacramento, CA, USA
    To add.....

    I am a practicing Catholic. My church (which I have gone to since age 4) has taught me that gays are people too, not 'evil beings' that other Christian churches seem to make them, and that everyone in the world deserves and gets God's love, regardless of sexual orientation.

    What church is she going to? What denomination?
  25. FritzTheWonderM macrumors member

    Dec 12, 2003
    Planet 10
    This ought to do it;
    Speaking of homosexuality and religion, why don't Episcopalians play chess?

    Apparently, they can't tell the difference between a bishop and a queen. :eek:

Share This Page