Help with an assignment( International Political Economy Class)

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by 7254278, Apr 27, 2008.

  1. 7254278 macrumors 68020

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    #1
    I have to write a 1000 word report on whether or no it would be a good idea for Red Bull to enter the market in Hong Kong. I have to write about the economic, social, political reasons why it would or would not be a good idea for red bull to enter the market. I only have 700 words so far and it isnt done, this is just a first draft. However if you guys could read through it and give me an opinion it would be great. I need to get at least 70%(an A) to pass the class. The level of work if anyone is interested is meant to be first year uni work in the UK. Any constructive criticism would be great as I am not great at essay/report writing. Oh and ignoring spelling, all that will be fixed after.


    Thanks in Advance
    Patmian212

    EDIT: I also added the assignment instructions to help u guys give a better opinion

    EDIT 2: I have no finished the paper and replaced the draft with the completed copy. Opinions are still welcome
     

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  2. David G. macrumors 65816

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    #2
    I'm confused as to where the actual text you wrote is?

    Edit: Apparently you put it up while I posted. Haha.
     
  3. 7254278 thread starter macrumors 68020

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    #3
    Haha yeah, sorry about that. . . So everyone knows, "Assignment 2" is the instructions and "RedbullHK" is my work.

    cheers
     
  4. Eraserhead macrumors G4

    Eraserhead

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    #4
    Remove the stuff on high GDP they sell Red Bull in Thailand (GDP $3k/year).

    Is there a size limitation (EDIT: on cans of red bull) in Hong Kong? In other parts of SE Asia (Vietnam, Thailand) the cans are very small. I believe they have extra strong red bull in Thailand though (but in small cans :rolleyes:).

    The main competition would probably be from "fake" Red Bull, so you should mention that.

    On presentation add line spacing between the paragraphs.

    On the sources/references do you know how to do them properly i.e like in an Academic article. EDIT: If you aren't sure post them.

    PS mention that a lot of trade in China is conducted via Hong Kong, and also mention the work ethic which is very good (cite both properly).
     
  5. 7254278 thread starter macrumors 68020

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    #5
    Thank you, those are very helpful points! I will definitely take a closer look at those. As far as referencing goes, we use Harvard Referencing, I know how to do that, it just hasnt been completed yet. Thanks!
     
  6. David G. macrumors 65816

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    #6
    1. Try not to use first person vocabulary, "In this report I will be providing..."

    2. "Assignment 2: Country Report and Analysis" and "...and how they tie in with my client’s product, Red Bull Energy Drink." It seems like according to the project guidelines you're supposed to be creating a report to Red Bull, not a paper to the professor.

    3. "Best reports will offer more than simple description, they will provide both analysis and explanation. For example, if an economy has seen a sharp rise in economic growth this requires explanation, i.e. what has caused it. It also requires an explanation of its implications, such as how might the higher growth rate impact upon future levels of inflation." - "Another problem would be Hong Kong’s inflation rate. This February it reached 6.3%, the highest in over ten years (The Economist Online 2008)." <-- What caused this?
     
  7. David G. macrumors 65816

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    #7
    "This would not be a massive problem to Red Bull because they are an American corporation" :eek::eek:
     

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  8. 7254278 thread starter macrumors 68020

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    #8
    Wow that was an amazing oversight, im extremely embarrassed, thank you for bringing it to my attention.
     
  9. Eraserhead macrumors G4

    Eraserhead

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    #9
    Cool, Havard referencing will be fine, I did a computer science module (year 3) and apparently everyone didn't know how to do it ;).

    Do you know anyone who lives in Hong Kong and can explain the culture better than I can?
     
  10. 7254278 thread starter macrumors 68020

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    #10
    No I dont unfortunately, however, I think I understand it quite well and will try to expand on it. Out of curiosity though, do you think Im headed in the right direction?
     
  11. Eraserhead macrumors G4

    Eraserhead

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    #11
    It seems to be going OK, but I do Maths so can't help much on that :p.
     
  12. furious macrumors 65816

    furious

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    #12
    I have not read what you wrote but have you mentioned price elasticity in the soft-drink market of Hong Kong? Where are the upper and lower limits of price in the soft-drink market? Red Bull is more often than not in the upper limit of the price scale. Does this suit Red Bulls business model.

    Talk about macro(whole economy) and micro(how individual/family distribute their money/scarce resources) economic theories and how the relate to this assessment.

    Thinking about 1000 words sound like it would be easy to double. Is this for high school?
     
  13. David G. macrumors 65816

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    #13
    "The level of work if anyone is interested is meant to be first year uni work in the UK."
     
  14. 7254278 thread starter macrumors 68020

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    #14
    In fact I am finding it hard to stay under the limit. The reason it is so short is because it is only part of our assignment there is another part which is to create a power point presentation
     
  15. TimJim macrumors 6502a

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    #15
    A general rule is to never use present tense. You can express your opinion but without using I.

    Good luck with your paper though.
     
  16. 7254278 thread starter macrumors 68020

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    #16
    Here Is The Finished Version
     

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  17. yojitani macrumors 68000

    yojitani

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    #17
    I have not read the paper to see the extent to which you use 'I', but this advice tends to be very bad at the university level. There is nothing wrong with the use of I in an academic essay - it is, in fact, common practice. Don't torture yourself trying to avoid the personal pronoun. What is much more important is to make sure your ideas are expressed clearly and succinctly in standard, non-colloquial, English.

    Sorry for the intervention. Being someone who reads a lot of undergraduate papers, I so completely dread the no-I, written in the passive, lost-my-idea-in-this-writing-style essays that invariably mark the first papers of the semester. Upshot is: forget this advice. It's old fashioned.
     
  18. CalBoy macrumors 604

    CalBoy

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    #18
    There's nothing wrong with using the present tense.

    What you're describing is using first person pronouns like "I" or "we."

    In fact, in most cases, the present tense (and the present perfect) are the most appropriate tenses because papers refer to present objects or events (ie, "Shakespeare's Othello is well written," or "Hong Kong has strong market potential.").
     
  19. Gelfin macrumors 68020

    Gelfin

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    #19
    There is no necessary connection between improper use of the personal pronoun and awkward application of the passive voice. Certainly elimination of one should not automatically cause the other. If it does, then arguably that is why the student is enrolled in a composition-based class. To label simple formalism as "old-fashioned" is to abandon the exercise. It might save the instructor a few ulcers, but it is a disservice to the student.
     
  20. Eraserhead macrumors G4

    Eraserhead

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    #20
    If your course is anything like mine you can go over the limit a bit (say 25%), I would have mentioned it earlier but I think you'd be better off asking your friends.
     
  21. yojitani macrumors 68000

    yojitani

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    #21
    No, there isn't a necessary connection and I didn't imply one. That said, using the passive voice unnecessarily seems to be the other bad trait students pick up at high school.

    I'm not sure what you mean in this context by 'formalism.' Using personal pronouns is not necessarily informal (if that's what you are implying). True, overuse of them is bad style, but at the same time it is not necessary to discourage their use. Typically, when students overuse personal pronouns it is when they do not know where to locate the 'action.'
     
  22. Gelfin macrumors 68020

    Gelfin

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    #22
    My concern is a disturbing tendency for post-secondary educators increasingly to compensate for the myriad failures of secondary educators by simply abandoning the battlefield, and thus perpetuating the failure. If I have misunderstood you as advocating such a position, then I apologize, but identifying basic standards of composition as "old-fashioned" is a common indicator of this attitude.

    It is true that use of the personal pronoun is acceptable in some kinds of formal writing. An important example would be the cover letter for a resume, wherein the author himself is the subject of the text. It also may be employed in editorial writing, particularly when an informal, conversational tone is intended. In most academic and professional works its use is inappropriate, and readers will infer an amateur effort when they encounter it.

    Regardless of your motivation, suggesting students "forget" attempting to produce appropriate formal writing does them no favors, even if you find it difficult to read their nascent attempts to do so. Don't tell them to forget doing it right. Help them learn to do it right.
     
  23. Eraserhead macrumors G4

    Eraserhead

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    #23
    If you are calling the US Dollar USD you should call the Euro EUR, as that's its correct 3 digit code.

    Otherwise it seems OK.
     

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