So about 4 months ago I went through a rather stressful breakup which I think I may have documented here at one point or another. It hit me really hard, and what made matters worse was the guy I was with was rather abusive if he didn't get his own way - many times I got put down and told things like he hated me, I'm a bad person, I should die, etc; ignoring me was the alternative if he wasnt up for insulting (don't lecture me about not leaving him sooner - I'm sure most people have been in the position where they think they love someone enough to overlook their problems). It made me feel even worse when I found out he'd been cheating on me, and that neither him or the other guy saw any problem with it.
After this, I started developing a breathing problem, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety disorder. The only meds I have is an inhaler for whenever my breathing plays up.
About two months ago I met this really great guy and even though we're not officially together yet but we've hit it off pretty well. However, I find myself panicking, worrying and apologising over the stupidest and smallest things - for example, one night we were texting each other and he fell asleep, I didn't know this so I accidentally woke him up with my next message. I apologised quickly and he said it was alright, but I still felt bad. The next morning I sent him another message saying 'I'm sorry again about last night, have a good day'. There's been a few other instances of this sort of thing happening - or if he's busy and doesn't talk, I panic and assume the worst, I tell myself I'm not going to bother him but end up finding myself texting him at some point in the day, even if it's just a 'good night'; just getting a 'night' back makes me feel better because I know he's alright.
Cue last night. I'd had a terrible day at work, and generally when I've had a bad day I like talking to people. So I thought I'd just message this guy and have a nice conversation with him. He was busy, so he didn't answer. Because of my stupid habit of worrying, I went to bed and just sent him a text saying "good night, hope you're ok xx". I get a reply about 15 minutes later saying "I'm fine
why are you always panicking?!". I thought what the heck, we're fairly close, he's one of my best friends and I can trust him, so I may as well tell him about the crap my ex did. He knew a lot of it (the cheating and the depression and everything), and has been really supportive, so all I really explained was how from past experiences terrible things have happened when I hadn't heard from people I'm close to, etc. All he replied with was "wow", and I never heard back after that. Stupidly, I decided to send an apology before going to bed. Still no answer when I woke up. You'd have thought I'd quit there - but no, I had to send another one because I felt like I'd really screwed up by dropping all that stuff on him. This time I get "for **** sake! I was asleep!" back as a reply.
Idiotically, I replied, but this time I did hold firm ground - I said "look, let's just forget about it. I overreacted and I know I shouldn't have. Have a good day"... I clearly didn't receive a response. This stupid complex is really getting to me... it has caused me to think that no reply means they're really angry; my ex has pretty much given me the impression that all guys are the same, even though this guy is easily one of the nicest and funniest people I've ever met. I have awful social skills, to be honest, and this is one friendship that I really don't want to screw up. I want to just give him time to cool down and relax, but I know my paranoia is going to step in again and that I'll either be down in the dumps for the next few days or will end up caving in and texting him Generally I used to do things like play video games, go out and exercise, draw, write, but none of that's worked for me since I've become depressed. Six months ago I was able to complete the entire story in GTA IV in a weekend, now I can't even play for half an hour before I switch off, and won't come back to it for a week... I just don't have the inspiration to do anything. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I need to find a way to pull myself out of this so that I can strengthen my friendship with this guy. Right now I'm considering trying to go a week without MSN, AIM, Facebook and the like, just so I'm not tempted to jump on him when he comes online... similarly, I'm trying to leave my iPhone in my bedroom so I don't constantly check it.
I'm not sure what my problem is, the only thing I can think of is that my ex has caused me to develop some sort of complex where I panic over the stupidest things - "not hearing from him for one day means he MUST be screwing other people behind my back because that's what my ex did"; "he was short with me in one message so he MUST hate me, like my ex did". I know it's not fair on him to be compared to my ex because he is absolutely nothing like him, so I'm not sure where this anxiety is coming from. I'm over being paranoid because its ruining my friendships. I know it's probably a long shot, but is there any advice anyone can give, or anyone that can relate?
After this, I started developing a breathing problem, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety disorder. The only meds I have is an inhaler for whenever my breathing plays up.
About two months ago I met this really great guy and even though we're not officially together yet but we've hit it off pretty well. However, I find myself panicking, worrying and apologising over the stupidest and smallest things - for example, one night we were texting each other and he fell asleep, I didn't know this so I accidentally woke him up with my next message. I apologised quickly and he said it was alright, but I still felt bad. The next morning I sent him another message saying 'I'm sorry again about last night, have a good day'. There's been a few other instances of this sort of thing happening - or if he's busy and doesn't talk, I panic and assume the worst, I tell myself I'm not going to bother him but end up finding myself texting him at some point in the day, even if it's just a 'good night'; just getting a 'night' back makes me feel better because I know he's alright.
Cue last night. I'd had a terrible day at work, and generally when I've had a bad day I like talking to people. So I thought I'd just message this guy and have a nice conversation with him. He was busy, so he didn't answer. Because of my stupid habit of worrying, I went to bed and just sent him a text saying "good night, hope you're ok xx". I get a reply about 15 minutes later saying "I'm fine
why are you always panicking?!". I thought what the heck, we're fairly close, he's one of my best friends and I can trust him, so I may as well tell him about the crap my ex did. He knew a lot of it (the cheating and the depression and everything), and has been really supportive, so all I really explained was how from past experiences terrible things have happened when I hadn't heard from people I'm close to, etc. All he replied with was "wow", and I never heard back after that. Stupidly, I decided to send an apology before going to bed. Still no answer when I woke up. You'd have thought I'd quit there - but no, I had to send another one because I felt like I'd really screwed up by dropping all that stuff on him. This time I get "for **** sake! I was asleep!" back as a reply.Idiotically, I replied, but this time I did hold firm ground - I said "look, let's just forget about it. I overreacted and I know I shouldn't have. Have a good day"... I clearly didn't receive a response. This stupid complex is really getting to me... it has caused me to think that no reply means they're really angry; my ex has pretty much given me the impression that all guys are the same, even though this guy is easily one of the nicest and funniest people I've ever met. I have awful social skills, to be honest, and this is one friendship that I really don't want to screw up. I want to just give him time to cool down and relax, but I know my paranoia is going to step in again and that I'll either be down in the dumps for the next few days or will end up caving in and texting him
Generally I used to do things like play video games, go out and exercise, draw, write, but none of that's worked for me since I've become depressed. Six months ago I was able to complete the entire story in GTA IV in a weekend, now I can't even play for half an hour before I switch off, and won't come back to it for a week... I just don't have the inspiration to do anything. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I need to find a way to pull myself out of this so that I can strengthen my friendship with this guy. Right now I'm considering trying to go a week without MSN, AIM, Facebook and the like, just so I'm not tempted to jump on him when he comes online... similarly, I'm trying to leave my iPhone in my bedroom so I don't constantly check it. I'm not sure what my problem is, the only thing I can think of is that my ex has caused me to develop some sort of complex where I panic over the stupidest things - "not hearing from him for one day means he MUST be screwing other people behind my back because that's what my ex did"; "he was short with me in one message so he MUST hate me, like my ex did". I know it's not fair on him to be compared to my ex because he is absolutely nothing like him, so I'm not sure where this anxiety is coming from. I'm over being paranoid because its ruining my friendships. I know it's probably a long shot, but is there any advice anyone can give, or anyone that can relate?
