Interracial relationships thoughts

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by dukebound85, Mar 22, 2008.

  1. dukebound85 macrumors P6


    Jul 17, 2005
    5045 feet above sea level
    just wondering what are your thoughts on interracial relationships

    i ask since i am in one (im white she's black) and she is great in every sense... smart, funny, nice, and a total sweetheart
    i will say though that im cautious about telling my parents as i do not know how they would react (she said shes in same situation). i think my parents are ok...i think but my grandparents, although i love them, are well racist and they would pretty much disown me

    thoughts and advice are welcome as always

    anyone else in a similar situation?
  2. yg17 macrumors G5


    Aug 1, 2004
    St. Louis, MO
    I have absolutely no problem with it, nor do I see any valid reason for anyone else to have a problem with it. If the 2 people love each other, that's all that matters IMO.

    I don't have any experience myself. My sister's in an interreligion relationship and our grandfather's raising hell because her boyfrend isn't Jewish (our parents are 100% OK with it). Again, I say, what's the big deal. They're a happy couple, and that is all anyone should care about.
  3. robanga macrumors 68000


    Aug 25, 2007
    It's hard to imagine anyone these days being against that. I know somewhere there are but the world has become a smaller place, and thankfully there are fewer and fewer. Love your grandparents but don't let them influence your choices here.

    The important stuff is in the inside. Love, marry whomever you want.
  4. dukebound85 thread starter macrumors P6


    Jul 17, 2005
    5045 feet above sea level
    so true so true. just wish they were fine with it
  5. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
    Depends on what you consider "interracial", really. I don't know your background or family history, but let's assume you are Scottish for my example. Would your grandparents object if your gf's background was German? French? What about Turkish? How far away away from "white" would make your grandparents disapprove? :confused:

    I'm Chinese-Canadian (born and raised in Toronto), and my girlfriend is Japanese. My parents would have nothing against this relationship, and her parents care just a tiny bit. I don't really notice it, but I just believe they do care about the race issue slightly. However, I must say that if I wasn't Asian at all, they would probably care a LOT more. They wouldn't completely object to our relationship, but they would certainly not like the situation.

    Anyway, I'm surprised her parents care as little as they do, as they're quite old fashioned. Being Chinese has actually made it easier.
  6. JNB macrumors 604


    Oct 7, 2004
    In a Hell predominately of my own making
    Honestly, there's very few places that you won't encounter some form of racism--however subtle--even in this so-called enlightened age. You'll have to learn to simultaneously acknowledge and ignore the differences. You guys are still pioneers to some extent.

    My first "girlfriend" was Chinese, and I appear white (Hispanic descent), and as it was 1961, it was not received well (almost as badly as my being left-handed). I think nearly any European-Latin combinations are fairly accepted, but trying those with someone of Asian or African descent is still a cultural no-no--or at least daring & exotic--in Western culture.

    Your grandparents come from a different era, a different set of values and beliefs, and aren't likely to "see the light" unless they're basically loving people in the first place. Prejudices learned from near birth are typically only made stronger with age.

    All you can do is show them that you're still the grandson they've loved, and show love back to them, while maintaining a firm stance. The way you and your girlfriend are with each other will be what gives them understanding, if anything does. It's only through your actions that they can hope to see beyond their own fears and misconceptions.

    Love the sinner, not the sin, eh?
  7. cycocelica macrumors 68000


    Apr 28, 2005
    Redmond, WA
    If people have a problem with interracial marriage, they are living in the past. People who have any trouble with race at all, I would go so far as to say they are uneducated and still living in the past.

    It still blows my mind that discrimination still happen.
  8. dukebound85 thread starter macrumors P6


    Jul 17, 2005
    5045 feet above sea level

    well when my parents are from the 1950's and 1960's and my gradparents from the 1930's i can still see why in a sense
  9. CalBoy macrumors 604


    May 21, 2007
    When you say that your parents are "from" the 1950s, do you mean they were born in the '50s? If so, they certainly were old enough to see civil rights unfold before their eyes. Even your grandparents would have been in their 30s during the Civil Rights Movement. Surely they've had plenty of time to adjust?

    In any case, I can't believe this is still an issue today. I don't even think anything of it to be honest, and I don't think very many people in the Bay Area do. There are so many interracial couples here, that I'm actually more surprised when a white guy is with a white girl! :p
  10. macgruder macrumors 6502

    Oct 29, 2007
    It's a choice between living your life by your own standards, and living your life by the racist standards of others. There aren't many easier choices.
  11. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
    It's really difficult for you to say that, as you didn't experience what they experienced, and you weren't taught what they were taught. You're thinking logically, but nothing ever ends up so perfect.

    I can also understand, or at least I have a higher tolerance towards people who are over 80.

    My step-grandfather has done lots of things. He's an Olympian (medallist, too), played pro sports, fought during WWII, and had a great education and high paying business career. He's not really racist at all, yet he still refers to black people/friends/acquaintances as "negros" (or worse). He didn't usually refer to black people that way, but it did sometimes slipped out from his tongue. He never meant it harshly, never meant to use it as a racial slur, and he never used it in anger. He just refered to black people that way, just like I refer to black people now as "black people". What do you tell a 90 year old with a bad memory, poor listening skills, and only a few years left to live?? My family isn't white. His family is white. He treated me and my family very well. He doesn't care if you are black, white, hispanic, Asian, etc. He just didn't have a great way with words.
  12. j26 macrumors 65832


    Mar 30, 2005
    I'm in an interracial relationship - I'm from one end of the county and she's from the other. Also she's a farmers daughter and I'm townie through and through :p

    Seriously, a difference in skin colour is less important than many other differences. If other people have a problem, that's their lookout.

    You may have to endure the odd awkward moment, but your grandparents might be surprisingly okay with it, or at the very least tolerant of your choice (even if they don't approve).
  13. Baron58 macrumors 6502

    Feb 19, 2004
    It has nothing to do with 'discrimination'.

    People from *any* ethnic, social, religious or geographic group have a common cultural experience. While relationships *can* cross those lines, for me I prefer someone who shares my cultural/social/etc. references.

    People also find different appearances attractive or not. I like blonds and redheads, brunettes not so much. A friend of mine is exactly the opposite. Someone may be attracted to (or put off by) asian, black, white, etc. people. That's all preference, and just fine. It's not 'discrimination'.
  14. d_and_n5000 macrumors 6502a


    Oct 6, 2005
    My grandma's the same way, but given a good reason they'll change. My grandma, for instance, very, very rarely has 'em slip out because of my aunt. She has a grandson that is half-black, and my grandma's occasional slips offended her. Now she never slips up in front of this aunt, and very rarely in front of everyone else, and we're all sure to say, "Watch it, Grandma," when she does.
  15. Keebler macrumors 68030

    Jun 20, 2005
    love is love..let it out of the bag. if the grandparents don't approve then it's their loss.

    maybe it's a lack of education on their part so if you sat down and explained how much you love this girl and what she means, maybe they'll see past that. you could even bring up the fact that they might not approve, but that you're hoping their love for you will oversee any racist thoughts. i find when i put the thoughts of others into my own situation, they usually feel thankful that i thought of them in the first place and it helps me see the situation in a different light.

    good luck,
  16. CalBoy macrumors 604


    May 21, 2007
    I suppose, but even my father was born in the 50s (1950s) and was taught some pretty discriminatory stuff at a young age. He's changed remarkably over time.

    I guess that's the lens I'm looking through. It's also because I really would force my parents to accept whomever I loved-yes, I manipulate them to a fairly high degree. :p
  17. Mr.Noisy macrumors 65816


    May 5, 2007
    Just enjoy your time together, if your grandparents dont like, well no great loss, life's too short to worry about what other people think, your grandparents may not like it, but they will see you happy together, let it ride and be happy, My partners family are from Israel, and i'm non jewish and weve been together for 8 years and have a great little girl, seeing family members happy with someone be they white or black or whatever can push over racial barriers, but not everyone will like it, there will always be that 'small minority' and it's tough, not everyone finds someone that they have that 'special' connection finish those easter egg's at least we can all be sick together ;)
  18. Macky-Mac macrumors 68030


    May 18, 2004
    it just goes to show how things one time "negro" was by far the preferred "correct" and polite term to use (as opposed to "colored" or worse, "the word known as the "N" word")....and then "black" became the preferred word, but then there was a period of time when "black" was considered by some to be derogatory and "African American" was being suggested as the only acceptable term.
  19. SMM macrumors 65816


    Sep 22, 2006
    Tiger Mountain - WA State
    I think there is still a great deal more prejudice within ourselves, and in society, than we want to acknowledge. Accepting inner-racial relationships is probably the truest gage of how accepting we actually are. Actually, it does not have to be racial. Religious differences can be every bit as divisive as race. Social-Economic is probably the most widely practiced reason for prejudice, yet is discussed the least.
  20. stubeeef macrumors 68030


    Aug 10, 2004
    I don't think many have a problem with mixed relationships. I don't. I think the wildest ones are Blue and Red, not black and white.:p
  21. stevento macrumors 6502


    Dec 10, 2006
    Los Angeles
    yep just like the governator and maria schriver :D :D
    she endorsed obama but he endorsed mccain
  22. biturbomunkie macrumors 6502a

    Jul 30, 2006
    ding ding ding, right on. but don't you mean interracial relationships?

    race itself is already a sensitive subject, combining it with dating makes it extremely personal. i never really thought about racial inequalities in relationships until classmates and i did a diversity project on same-sex marriage. much like the hetro world, the GBLT community (perhaps influenced by the media) idealizes what beauty is. but what we found interesting was that a lot (i don't have the source, but i'm sure you can google it) of gay minorities seemed to have trouble to date their own race - either they (subconsciously) prefer the idealized figures, or they have trouble in finding someone that would date within his/her own race. needless to say, most of the alpha males/females would only date their cream of the crop counterparts. even though some argued that it's a dating preference, our group found it somewhat sad and ironic that the very community that asks for tolerance also subconsciously promotes racial intolerance. this racially based elitism can be found explicitly from online dating services to roommate listing websites such as craigslist. one of the roommate ads we came across basically said "you can smoke weed and do drugs, but you can't be non-white."

    while we are seeing more and more interracial hetro relationships, we rarely ask why most of them involve a "majority" male and a minority female (notable exceptions are elin nordegren woods and sarah gore lee). as SMM points out - accepting/engaging in an interracial relationship is perhaps the sincerest form of racial tolerance, even though most of us don't like to consider ourselves racist.

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