Intersting thought

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by leekohler, Aug 7, 2010.

  1. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #1
    As most of you know, I have friends who cross all bounds. Tonight I invited a friend of mine to a party held by some extremely wealthy friends of mine. They are very dear to me because of things that have nothing to do with their money as I knew them before they had it.

    Now, over the years I have just gotten used to them having tons of cash. We have never treated each other differently or anything. It's never been weird. But tonight I take a banker friend of mine there and he kind of freaks out.

    "OMG! I need to buy a place like this! This what my life needs to be!"

    I just said, "Hey-these are my friends, can you tone it down?"

    "Dude, this is where I need to go."

    "OK fine, but they don't give a crap".

    I calmed him down, but it made me realize some things. I view my friends as ends, not means. I think my friend views people as means to an end. I feel like I exposed my wealthy friends to a leech. Did I?

    He went on and on about how he needs to become friends with these guys and it made me angry. They are my friends and I don't want to see them taken advantage of.
     
  2. macUser2007 macrumors 65832

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  3. leekohler thread starter macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    Dec 22, 2004
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    Chicago, Illinois
    #3
    Life gets complicated the older you get. He's trying to get me a job with his firm. We have been friends for a long time as well.

    But now I'm second guessing his motives.
     
  4. dukebound85 macrumors P6

    dukebound85

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    Jul 17, 2005
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    #4
    I feel most people can tell what one's motives are and I would think your wealthy friends have encountered many people like this in the past so they are able to fend for themselves

    In short, I wouldn't worry about nor meddle with anything. But that's just me
     
  5. spillproof macrumors 68020

    spillproof

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    Location:
    USA
    #5
    You need him for a job so you can't make him angry (In this economy, you need to do what you got to do).

    I would warn your rich friends that this new guy could become a moocher or only friend them becasue of their money. Just so they know.
     
  6. leekohler thread starter macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #6
    Not just that, but we have been friends for a very long time (10+years).

    He has been a dear friend for a very long time. It was just disappointing to see him behave this way.

    He was like, " I need to get my own invite" as my friends do invitation only parties. Now I get why they do it. I told my friend, "you won't get one, and I won't help you get one". It was disgusting to hear him talk about it. He was talking about my friends like they were some sort of commodity. They are people I care about.
     
  7. iBlue macrumors Core

    iBlue

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2005
    Location:
    London, England
    #7
    That is so awkward. I really do understand the position you're in as well. I dated a doctor and a friend of mine was always trying to hang around in hopes of hooking up with his doctor friends. It made me very uncomfortable and I finally just told her how I felt about it. I was accused of trying to stifle her ambitions (to being a golddigger, I presume). Between that and a few other incidents of jealousy and strangeness it ended up ruining our friendship but we weren't that close to begin with really.

    The situation may resolve itself. He won't fit in around there if he behaves that way. Best of luck with this though.
     
  8. awmazz macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2007
    #8
    So you're using him to get an invite into his firm and he wants to use you to get an invite into your rich friends' life. And these are different situations how?

    Because you're personally involved with the rich people, and he's not with his firm? Just point that out to him then. He probably thinks you're both on the same wavelength.
     
  9. Queso macrumors G4

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2006
    #9
    I wouldn't worry too much Lee. Your friends have not grown up with money, they've earned it over time. They will have become quite astute at picking out those who are genuinely worth knowing. You really don't have to do anything more.
     
  10. leekohler thread starter macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #10
    You have a point. But we're also talking about a close friend I've had for over 14 years. If I get a job with his firm that's great! But it's not why we're friends. And if I don't get the job, nothing would change between us. Bottom line- he's a very good friend and I love him. It's not that big of a deal to me, but I get what you're saying completely, and it makes sense. Thanks for the insight.

    You're right about that too. I just don't want to bring people into their lives that they have to worry about, ya know? They have enough crap to deal with.

    You just hit the nail on the head. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

    I told those guys last night that we need to do some serious one on one! They are so busy that I only really see them at their parties anymore. So we agreed to a bike ride pub crawl in the next few weeks. We're going to start at my place and ride from bar to bar til we fall down. :)
     
  11. remmy macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2007
    #11
    Maybe he was just impressed, and had a good time.

    Also its that thing of not what you can do but the people you know.

    Agree it could be embarrassing, not cool on his part.
     
  12. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2004
    Location:
    Grand Rapids, MI, USA
    #12
    Yeah, I wouldn't worry much either -- I don't think you "screwed up" or anything. OTOH I am very protective of my friendships, in that, I make it a practice to be friendly to all kinds of people, but I don't invite them all out with my inner sanctum of friends or introduce them all to each other. Sometimes I think I should, and sometimes I'm glad I don't. My friends vary on this, too -- for instance one of my close friends has been annoying me in that she picks out a new friend to be all chummy with, and she adds her to the invite list when I want to have brunch with my pals. But anyway... I think it shows you're a good friend that you think about this stuff. If I invited you to a party and you did that (not that you ever would, obviously), I'd probably not invite you back there, but I wouldn't get too torn up about it either. It happens.
     
  13. citizenzen macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2010
    #13
    Exactly. You view the relationship largely outside the context of wealth and appearances.

    Your acquaintance doesn't share the benefits of your experience, so he must get by on the small amount of information that he can see in front of him.

    Were the roles reversed, he'd probably be the one telling you to relax.

    So... just relax.
     
  14. Tomorrow macrumors 604

    Tomorrow

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    #14
    You said this friend of yours is a banker - could it be that he views your wealthy friends not as someone for him to mooch from, but possibly a potential business interest?
     
  15. Ttownbeast macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    May 10, 2009
    #15
    Lee your a lucky dude to have as few leeches in your life as possible, I hung out with the scum of the earth and the relatively decent in my younger days I have never believed in class when it comes to personality but even being dead ***ed broke there were ***holes I associated with who could figure out unique new ways to drag somebody down further with them I discovered that there are such things as personalities that are poisonous, if this dude you speak of has serious enough personality issues, and there is no room left for tolerance or forgiveness the best bet is to cut their *** off.

    A very old biker buddy of mine once told me "how can you fly with the eagles when you're always hanging with the buzzards?"
     
  16. leekohler thread starter macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #16
    You guys are all correct. I think he'll be better if I take him over there again. I'm getting some pics I'll post as soon as he sends them. It'll give you guys an idea of exactly what I'm talking about.
     
  17. glocke12 macrumors 6502a

    glocke12

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    #17
    Sounds like he was just more impressed with their lifestyle/living arrangement more than anything, and was very vocal about, and not that he really wants to be a leech or something.

    Ive got a few friends like that. Very well off, very large houses that are basically mansions. I like going to visit them because they are very open, pleasent and are willing to share what they have.
     
  18. Macky-Mac macrumors 68030

    Macky-Mac

    Joined:
    May 18, 2004
    #18
    what's the worst that could happen? Your rich friends might find they like this guy just as you do?
     
  19. leekohler thread starter macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #19
    Actually, I think you're right. I feel like maybe I over-reacted a bit.
     
  20. Thomas Veil macrumors 68020

    Thomas Veil

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    Feb 14, 2004
    Location:
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    #20
    Being impressed and complimenting the success of the hosts in achieving such a nice lifestyle is one thing. Suddenly becoming intensely dissatisfied with your own life is another. What I'm concerned about as I read that is that, if lee is representing the conversation accurately, his friend got an immediate attack of the envies.

    Maybe I'm wrong here, but lee's initial assessment of the situation sounded about right to me. Most people visiting that kind of home say, "Gee, what a great place; must be nice to be able to afford this kind of lifestyle," not "I've gotta have that!" And they base whether they want to befriend their hosts upon mutual interests, not the idea of becoming connected to people wealthier than themselves.

    I mean, yeah, the guy's a banker, and maybe he thinks of this as networking. But it sounds pretty crass to me.
     
  21. leekohler thread starter macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #21
    I didn't misrepresent what he said. It just really surprised me, as I had not seen that side of him before. And yeah, he had the envies real bad. I think he'll calm down though. And I do think he was just kind of awestruck.
     

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