Is Dating Your Ex-Wifes Friend Crossing The Line ?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Blueimac, Jan 12, 2012.

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Is Dating Your Ex-Wifes Friend Crossing The Line ?

Poll closed Feb 11, 2012.
  1. Absolutely Positively Yes You Dog

    22 vote(s)
    26.8%
  2. Think Of Your Happiness and Go For It

    23 vote(s)
    28.0%
  3. Yes, But Be Careful and Sleep With One Eye Open

    9 vote(s)
    11.0%
  4. No, But You're Both Adults So Live Freely In Love

    42 vote(s)
    51.2%
  1. Blueimac macrumors newbie

    Blueimac

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2011
    Location:
    Paris (not France) for now
    #1
    Never expecting to find yourself in an enlightening situation like this one just makes life even more interesting especially when you're stranded in a lonely place without the company of friends who are now very far away.

    I present, for your consideration a question that has utterly bewildered the human race since the dawn of man and of course completely perplexed myself, as it is my situation now.

    The events happened without planning, without thought of repercussions and just plain out of the blue.

    Could this have been avoided? Yes, but in the forefront of my wandering mind my happiness comes first.

    One of my ex-wife’s friends and I have decided to start spending time together so we may become better acquainted, have already discussed date plans and the thought of beginning a relationship if all goes well.

    Knowing the way my ex-wife’s mind is set in permanent always disagree with me at any cost mode, Hearing the negative response of “That’s a Line You Don’t Cross” came as no surprise to me at all.

    Which of course led to a very heated discussion that lasted several hours and again last night she added more comments fueling the fire even more.

    So I ask for your humble opinion, When dating the friend of an ex-wife are you crossing the line?
     
  2. Btrthnezr3 macrumors 6502a

    Btrthnezr3

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2010
    Location:
    Texas
    #2
    For me personally, you're relationship with your ex is now over. So I'd say you are free to do what you want. If anything, the friend of your ex-wife would/should feel more of a moral obligation than you about the situation. But if she doesn't care about offending her friend, then who cares? :p
     
  3. Blueimac thread starter macrumors newbie

    Blueimac

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2011
    Location:
    Paris (not France) for now
    #3
    At first my ex's friend felt kinda weird about it as she put it, But also told me she would get over it. I'm glad you agree with me but try telling the world according to my ex that.
     
  4. NutsNGum macrumors 68030

    NutsNGum

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2010
    Location:
    Glasgow, Scotland
    #4
    I went out with an ex gf's friend once. As it turned out, she was more of a nutter than the ex.

    Beware.
     
  5. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #5
    Not very smart, IMO. I would leave this alone. Your putting your ex's and this woman's friendship at risk. That's not right.
     
  6. quagmire macrumors 603

    quagmire

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2004
    #6
    I don't think you crossed the line. Crossing the line, IMHO would have been leaving your ex for her friend.

    Just be aware that it may be awkward. Especially if your ex tries to "save" her friend from you by trying to get her to break up with you, etc. And is she prepared to lose her friend to be with you? That could ultimately be what happens as well.

    So while not crossing the line for me, IMHO it's not worth it.
     
  7. AdrianK macrumors 68020

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2011
    #7
    Maybe I'm just young and naive but I don't see a line to cross. So she's a friend of your ex - what's the big deal? Obviously it would be wrong to do it out of spite (and not for your ex's sake) but otherwise you're a free person, why worry about what she thinks?

    Also consider that if she thinks you're crossing the line it means her friend is as well, she'd have to disown both of you ;)
     
  8. stroked Suspended

    stroked

    Joined:
    May 3, 2010
    #8
    Unless there are children involved, you don't even have to talk to the ex. Good luck
     
  9. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6

    ucfgrad93

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    Colorado
    #9
    Well said, and I agree completely.
     
  10. Votekinky06 macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2011
    #10
    As long as its ok with you if she dates one of your friends, I don't see a problem. That is ok right? Seriously there's a whole bunch of women out there that aren't friends with your wife, I think I'd try my luck with one of those.
     
  11. Hellhammer Moderator

    Hellhammer

    Staff Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2008
    Location:
    Finland
    #11
    If you are both fine with it, go ahead. Though she must understand that her friendship with your ex may be over if your relationship ends up being serious
     
  12. Blueimac thread starter macrumors newbie

    Blueimac

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2011
    Location:
    Paris (not France) for now
    #12
    Hopefully even my ex would never tell her to break it off or try to break us up.

    I know it's going to be awkward for my ex's friend and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, I've known her for a little over two months now and really never gave dating her much thought until recently when I was at her apartment to help out with a repair problem.

    While standing next to her I hinted around wanting to go back to a very nice Italian Restaurant in the area but don't like to dine alone.

    So I asked her if she would have lunch with me there later in the week and she said yes (which is actually now today in about 40 minutes )
     
  13. Tomorrow macrumors 604

    Tomorrow

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Location:
    Always a day away
    #13
    1. Are you concerned with pissing off your ex-wife?
    2. Is the new girl concerned with pissing off your ex-wife?

    If the answer to both questions is "no," then proceed.

    My ex-wife and I haven't seen or spoken to each other since the divorce; I have no problem with seeing or hanging out with her former friends. I'm remarried, so dating one of them isn't an option; otherwise, I wouldn't have felt I was crossing a line.
     
  14. LorenK macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2007
    Location:
    Illinois
    #14
    Telling Your Ex-Wife

    Why are you talking to your ex about who you are dating? You got divorced for a reason, and I would guess that it's because you and her didn't see eye to eye. Why would you think that she would give her consent. She likely views her friends as hers and off-limits to you. When you split up stuff from the divorce, I bet friends were the hardest thing to divide. Don't ask you ex for advice unless she is a subject matter expert, like a tax lawyer. Don't ask her for advice on who to date, she obliviously has bad taste in her own mind, so why should you trust her advice now?
     
  15. Heilage macrumors 68030

    Heilage

    Joined:
    May 1, 2009
    #15
    Your ex-wife probably thinks so, but why care what she thinks?
     
  16. charlieroberts macrumors 6502a

    charlieroberts

    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2007
    #16
    perfect way of putting it,

    Its ok but not worth it
     
  17. mscriv macrumors 601

    mscriv

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    #17
    This is a key point. What is the nature of your relationship with your ex-wife and what was the nature of your divorce? I'm sorry if you think these questions are too personal, but they weigh heavily in the situation and could be determining factors in how best to proceed.

    If kids are involved then there is the whole dynamic of your ex having to consider how any woman in your life will treat her children. Maybe she likes her friend as a friend, but she thinks she would be a terrible mother.

    If your divorce was ugly and involved things like infidelity then your ex's motivation for not wanting her friend to date you could be genuine concern for her friend.

    Like many have mentioned it could simply be a territorial thing in that she doesn't want her friends around you because they are "her friends".

    I think you also have to take a hard look in the mirror and check your own motivations as well. Is your interest in her friend in any way motivated or enhanced by the fact that you know it ticks your ex off. If you are still emotionally invested in what your ex thinks about how you live your life, whether positive or negative, then you are probably not fully over the relationship and don't need to be getting into a new one, especially with her friend.

    I'd also be a little concerned about any girl who was so easily willing to break the unspoken "don't date your friend's ex" rule. What is her friend's motivation for wanting to date you? What is the nature of their relationship, how close are they? Is she wanting to tick off or get back at your ex for something that happened between them. Hey, you may not have even thought of this, but it's scary how "catty" some girls can be in their friendships.

    The bottom line is all of you are consenting adults and what you do is up to you. That being said, there are a lot of consequences to consider in your situation and depending upon the details those consequences should be taken seriously.
     
  18. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #18
    This is definitely not the kind of question for which the answer is the same for everyone, nor is it one that we can definitely answer for you. It really depends on your past and present relationship with your ex-wife, the circumstances of your divorce, and the kind of people the three of you are.
     
  19. robbieduncan Moderator emeritus

    robbieduncan

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    Location:
    London
    #19
    If your ex was banging one of your friends would you be happy?
     
  20. soco macrumors 68030

    soco

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2009
    Location:
    Yardley, PA
    #20
    I'm assuming your ex-wife's friend is still close with your ex-wife, in which case, bad form.

    Really though, even if they're not friends anymore or merely acquaintences now, it's just not going to lead to anything but drama.

    Now, if the two of you are deeply in love and need to pursue this, I'd say maybe. Unfortunately I don't think that's the case.

    Lastly, what robbie said.
     
  21. renewed macrumors 68040

    renewed

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    Mar 24, 2009
    Location:
    Bemalte Blumen duften nicht.
    #21
    With so many women out there why you would even consider this is beyond me.

    Although it'll most likely be "dating my ex-wife's ex-friend" shortly.
     
  22. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #22
    If you're morally confused about this then perhaps it's not even worth pursing. But there are other factors, do you have children because if you do then making sure you have a decent relationship with the mother is important. Otherwise, it's entirely up to you. I figure it douchy but douchy doesn't mean it's entirely wrong.
     
  23. macquariumguy macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2002
    Location:
    Sarasota FL
    #23
    There's nothing wrong with it, but odds are against both the relationship with you and her friendship with your ex surviving.
     
  24. ericrwalker macrumors 68030

    ericrwalker

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    Location:
    Albany, NY
    #24
    Well , we haven't seen a picture of this chick yet...or even a picture of him. Maybe he's smoking hot, and way out of his league. If that's the case, I'd be all over it.


    Not to mention, maybe his ex doesn't care if her friend wants her EX-baggage.

     
  25. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #25
    I really wanna see the answer to this one. :p

    And if she is, would you try to bad-mouth her to said friend?
     

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