Just found out my nephew is one of the biggest stoners at school...

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by glocke12, Dec 18, 2010.

  1. glocke12 macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    So I just found out my nephew is a really big stoner (kind of suspected it actually), and has been buying weed in and reselling it to his friends and is toking pretty much every day.

    The kicker is that he is very intelligent..straight A's in advanced physics, math and biology, and is pretty much on track to get into M.I.T.

    Now, I cant be too critical because at that age I was doing the same thing, and to this day smoke a fair amount of the green sticky stuff, but his parents are most certainly not down with the buying, selling or smoking.

    After talking to them, Ive learned that they are planning on dealing with it either by getting him to go to counseling to deal with his "problem", or some kind of scared straight encounter with a friend of theirs that is po-po.

    Now, I can think back to me at that age and what my parents did to address my behavior, and nothing worked, and just made me have more of an "F the world" attitude.

    Tomorrow I am actually supposed to spend time with said nephew, do I keep my mouth shut and just let his parents deal with it, or step in as the "cool uncle" and tell him there is a right way to party and a wrong way to party ??
  2. 184550 Guest

    May 8, 2008
    That's what I would do.
  3. Disc Golfer macrumors 6502a

    Dec 17, 2009
    Many successful and intelligent people smoke cannabis. Like any intoxicant it's not a good idea for kids to be using, but going the War On Drugs / DARE route (religion based rehab or "scared straight" type actions) will only cause to alienate him from the people choosing to address his drug use in that way.
  4. Hellhammer Moderator


    Staff Member

    Dec 10, 2008
    I would try to talk with him. Don't push it too hard though, if he doesn't want to talk with it, then leave it.

    At least I found it easier to talk with adults that weren't my parents. Parents are often too protective and emotional so the discussion may end up being yelling and door slamming. Other adults can't really do anything about it and don't have a reason to start yelling. They can just share their opinion.

    I would try to get him to stop selling as that is something that may cause troubles. At least in here, possession of weed or other drug gives you a small ticket but possessing amount that is meant for selling will give you some jail time. Again, don't push him too hard, try to remain as "cool uncle"
  5. glocke12 thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    Yeah, thats really what I think also. Im just not exactly sure what to say though. I was really thinking of just telling him that selling to his friends is not very smart, and if he gets caught it will affect his chance to get a college education, and if he is going to smoke daily use really is not a smart idea.
  6. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Jul 4, 2004

    Being the cool uncle, how about gently broaching the subject with him without giving any advise at first, to sound out and listen to how he feels about how his parents have reacted, how he feels about his own behaviour and his studies, why he's selling it etc.

    Only then, if the opening is there and he realises the problems he has, then offer solutions and strategies to deal with the issue.
  7. iJohnHenry macrumors P6


    Mar 22, 2008
    On tenterhooks
    A small detail perhaps, but is he an Adult yet??

    As far as selling, I would guess that this pretty much supports his daily habit.

    He can't see any downside, unless or until he is nabbed by The Man.
  8. Abstract macrumors Penryn


    Dec 27, 2002
    Location Location Location
    I don't know if you can be the "cool uncle" in this situation.....not unless you start the conversation by telling him that you smoke up too. Or was that the idea?

    The most important thing you can tell him is to not sell the stuff. Being caught smoking it is one thing, but if he's caught dealing and ends up with a police record, it could ruin the rest of his life.
  9. skunk macrumors G4


    Jun 29, 2002
    Republic of Ukistan
    Tell him you'll look after his stash when he gets sent down.
  10. glocke12 thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    He turns 18 tomorrow.

    Agree that getting nabbed is a surefire way to learn...
  11. Dalton63841 macrumors 65816


    Nov 27, 2010
    If he is a hard core smoker, getting "nabbed by The Man" will be an inconvenience, but won't make him change. In his mind, there's nothing wrong with what he's doing, so the cops/parents/"insert authority figure" are just "out to mess with his buzz".

    I hung out with that crowd in high school, even though I didn't smoke myself(did NOT enjoy the experience). Let's face it, no one is more easy going and laid back than a smoker. The point is that I've seen firsthand that nothing short of a detrimental loss, caused directly by said drug, will make a stoner even think about changing.

    Bear in mind that there are exceptions to every rule, but generally, the above is accurate.
  12. glocke12 thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    Im sure he knows or at least suspects I smoke. It is common knowledge that Ill take days at a time off from work to go to music festivals, phish shows, and am into the jam band scene in general.

    My biggest concern is that by saying ANYTHING I'll be stepping on my brothers and sister in laws toes...
  13. rdowns macrumors Penryn


    Jul 11, 2003
    Did you get that gun for your ex-sister-in-law? Maybe she could scare him with it.
  14. skunk macrumors G4


    Jun 29, 2002
    Republic of Ukistan
    My suggestion, above, though outwardly a joke, was more like avuncular black humour, which might be a good way in without treading on anyone's toes.
  15. glocke12 thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Jan 7, 2008
    haha..no way. I stayed as far away from that as I could..
  16. iJohnHenry macrumors P6


    Mar 22, 2008
    On tenterhooks
    Rats. Every good detective story needs an accessory before the fact.

    How about the vest? No as well??
  17. yojitani macrumors 68000


    Apr 28, 2005
    An octopus's garden
    Ask his parents if they mind you talking about it to him. I think you should talk about it, but it would be good of you to make sure you aren't treading on any toes.
  18. Capt Underpants macrumors 68030

    Capt Underpants

    Jul 23, 2003
    Austin, Texas
    It seems like his parents may be too out of touch to talk level headedly with him about the issue.

    If I were you, I would open up a conversation with him about it. Tell him you used to/still do smoke so he feels comfortable talking around you, and see where it takes you.

    Smokers by nature aren't fond of authority, and I think a hard-line approach (like his parents are planning) will just push him farther away. He needs some guidance, and I think you can provide that.
  19. SuperCachetes macrumors 6502a


    Nov 28, 2010
    Away from you
    The valedictorian from my high school the class before me got a perfect score on the SAT. He was pretty smart, but pretty geeky. I don't think he had a girlfriend at any time in school.

    Then I started seeing him at parties the summer after he graduated, before he shipped off to college. He had gotten into MIT. He was smoking out with the rest of us, and generally living after dark with a bong in one hand and a funnel in the other just like I was. "Wow, he's cooler than I thought!" I remember saying to myself.

    He was gone from MIT after less than a year - don't remember if he got kicked out or just left because the drugs wrecked his studies.

    Your nephew sounds pretty smart. If he's of strong character and has the will to succeed, he can balance being the stoner and the overachiever for some finite amount of time. But one wrong move or stroke of bad luck, and he could be set up for cascading failure. Only you know if he will likely get out before it's too late. Good luck.
  20. DarkestRitual macrumors member


    Feb 3, 2010
    DC Met Area
    Exactly. I teach my younger sisters the right and wrong ways to party so that they know and keep their act together. Try to lead by example by being a successful stoner.
  21. pilotError macrumors 68020


    Apr 12, 2006
    Long Island
    As the cool uncle, tell him to chill out, using is one thing, selling is another. MIT will mellow him out. They keep you busy enough to not have time for that stuff.
  22. hamish5178 macrumors member

    Jun 11, 2009
    Newark, DE
    I'm surprised no one has said this:

    Maybe when you talk to him, after telling him that you smoke and are concerned about his dealing, also tell him about what his parents are planning.

    Explain to him that you understand what they are doing is misguided and in all likelihood ridiculous, but that they care about him and he should handle it with grace. Tell him that he should be mature and try to preserve his relationship with his parents, even if they are out of touch.

    I'm a college student, who indulges occasionally and has had a few run ins with the law. My parents both know, they both smoked back in their day, their only concern is that I don't get in trouble or get overly distracted from my studies.
  23. Apple OC macrumors 68040

    Apple OC

    Oct 14, 2010
    I say sit him down and explain ... smoking is OK as long as it is not the focus of his life ... If he is able to smoke and still get straight As ... the main thing is to keep those grades up. Don't tell his Parents or worry about them (he is 18 and maybe his Parents are out of touch a bit) ... last thing you need is them preaching to you also.

    I would even go as far as to say occasional recreational Pot use is a much better choice than Alcohol. Alcohol mixed with youth can lead to so many problems from severe Addiction to Death.

    If he seems to get the message ... take him for a walk and fire up a Bob Marley.

    As an Uncle he will respect you and be inclined not to let you down.

    Good Luck ... the Kid's gonna be fine. :cool:
  24. vincenz macrumors 601


    Oct 20, 2008
    I don't think it's the smoking part that'll get him in trouble, but the dealing part.
  25. roadbloc macrumors G3


    Aug 24, 2009
    Agreed. It's fine for him to smoke the stuff. It happens all the time, and if it is not effecting his education or work, then there is no problem.

    I wouldn't talk to him about it. I'd have a word with his parents instead.

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