Legal Advice

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by Crawn2003, Mar 29, 2009.

  1. Crawn2003 macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2005
    Location:
    Santa Rosa, California
    #1
    Hello all,

    See http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?t=621994&highlight=getting+a+divorce thread to get an idea of what's been going on.

    Since that thread we've talked, tried counseling, etc. Been good and bad days. We've tried sticking it out.

    Out of no where tonight, we're watching a movie together, and she gets all quiet and leaves the room. I go ask if she's okay, she won't barely say two words to me, then says to me "You're not romantic enough..." For obvious reasons, I'd rather not go into the details but in my defense, I have been very romantic in more than one way.

    She starts yelling at me, I have to ask her to please stop yelling, please quiet down. She won't listen and finally screams at the top of her lungs to "leave her the f**k alone." I leave, and here I am on MacRumors.

    Now the latest part of the saga that won't end. I'm at wits end.

    Should I get a lawyer to have the divorce papers served to her because she won't do it and I think I finally want the divorce?

    I don't know what to do.

    She won't leave the apartment we live in. I've asked her to please move out if she wants the divorce so badly as she has places to go in California and I do not.

    She says she has every right to stay in the apartment because her name is on the lease. I disagree because she does not pay for ANYTHING, including the apartment rent.

    Does she have the right to stay, though? She has not worked in two years. Has no income, no proof of income. I pay for the apartment, utilities, food, etc. out of my personal bank account which is direct deposited to that account.

    I don't know what to do. If she wants out, she refuses to leave. I ask her to leave because if she wants away from me so badly, she should as she has the means.

    ~Crawn
     
  2. CorvusCamenarum macrumors 65816

    CorvusCamenarum

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    #2
    Actually we do need the details, at least some, to better understand the dynamics of you and her. "You're not romantic enough" is most likely her secret code for something else.

    If her name is on the lease, then yes she has the right to stay there. Is your name on the lease as well, or is it just her? What about the utilities? Otherwise, I'm forced to wonder how on earth she got an apartment lease with no proof of ability to pay the rent. Depending on how things are set up, I'd arrange to have somewhere else to go, pack up your stuff while she's out doing whatever it is that she does, and cancel all the utilities.

    As to getting a lawyer now, duh, yes. Sorry to sound so harsh, but usually the first one to the lawyer's office and/or the bank wins. Remember, if she gets a lawyer first, chances are you'll have to pay those fees as well. Is her name on any of your bank/credit card accounts? Have them removed first thing Monday morning or close them out and set up new accounts in your name only.
     
  3. Sun Baked macrumors G5

    Sun Baked

    Joined:
    May 19, 2002
    #3
    Word of warning, this is California, and as pointed out the one to the lawyer first wins.

    If she goes, she can force you to pay for her lawyer, and if she get a good one make a decent effort to make you pay for the apartment, and still have you move out.

    Likely, if you have a decent landlord you might be able to talk them into letting you downsize to a 1-bedroom or a studio in the same complex or another one that they own -- if you resign for full term.

    Simply saying the relationship is going downhill along with the finances, and if it keeps up they may be terminating you lease anyway due to neighbors complaining or calling the police. Simply talking to them about removing her and letting you go to the smallest unit keeps a paying tenant instead of forcing them to evict you.

    Screaming and yelling, or making noise at a complex that doesn't tolerate it is a very simple method of gaming the system.
     
  4. kavika411 macrumors 6502a

    kavika411

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2006
    Location:
    Alabama
    #4
    So sorry friend about your situation. I have experience with both divorce and with law (but not with California). You seem to be asking for direct advice so I will give it. Get a lawyer tomorrow. Have them draft a generic complaint so that it's ready to go. Then, either pull the trigger on it immediately or try talking to her one more time. I don't know you, but from your December thread and from your thread today, I think it is over - not because of anything you did - but her actions/words, as communicated by you, indicate to me she wants the marriage over and just hasn't done it yet. I think you need to take the reigns and get a lawyer tomorrow. Best of luck.
     
  5. .Andy macrumors 68030

    .Andy

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2004
    Location:
    The Mergui Archipelago
    #5
    Sorry to hear about your trouble Crawn2003. Just remember that you're not alone being is such a situation. It's quite common. Make sure whatever happens that you look after yourself. Don't be too proud to go to some counselling to make sure you are looked after on the mental health side of things. It's even more important than making sure the finances are sorted.
     
  6. Delta608 macrumors regular

    Delta608

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    Location:
    Tampa Bay
    #6
    The mere fact the your asking advise from a bunch of Mac users indicates you need more help than you think....Not a good place to hang laundry, it WILL come back to you....Call an ambulance chaser you need one...
     
  7. Legolamb macrumors 6502a

    Legolamb

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2006
    Location:
    North of where I'd like to be
    #7
    If posting here helps keep your sanity, some of us will still be here for you.

    Now I'm NOT a lawyer but as I understand it (Google California property law, divorce) community property law in Cal mandates that any asset acquired during the marriage is split 50/50. Doesn't matter whose name is on the deed or on the account. (Unless a pre-nup was signed).

    Sorry that you have to go through this. The sooner you get a lawyer and resolve the divorce, the sooner you'll get on with a new life. Decide that your real goal is to move on, not move backwards. Don't get into a blame game. BTW my ex and I are really best friends now, but we lived in NY, had no children, I moved out and asked him for nothing other than my books and paintings.
     
  8. FX120 macrumors 65816

    FX120

    Joined:
    May 18, 2007
    #8
    Consult a lawyer now.

    Try and smooth things over with her second, if you can work it out it will be finacially better for you.

    Either way you're screwed, sorry.
     
  9. Tomorrow macrumors 604

    Tomorrow

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Location:
    Always a day away
    #9
    I'm not sure that even matters - I think as long as that's her residence, it doesn't matter whether her name is on the lease or not. He would have to go through proper channels for an eviction, just like a landlord would.

    OP: I'll tell you from my experience. Leave. Don't announce it, don't discuss it with her, just leave. Start looking for a place to stay, an apartment, a friend, whatever. If she asks what you're doing, tell her, but don't waver. Just move out, quit paying rent on your current place (be sure to give them notice that you're moving out; don't speak for her, though), and don't look back.

    And yes, you should get a divorce lawyer if that's where your heart is - don't delay. Good luck, I feel for you right now.
     
  10. CorvusCamenarum macrumors 65816

    CorvusCamenarum

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    #10
    Point taken - I was responding to the OPs tone in that he seems to want her out of his home that he pays for and she doesn't. Still, it's just an apartment and not really worth fighting over.

    This.

    He should get a lawyer regardless, otherwise he's going to get the financial equivalent of the full ten inches with no lube. Divorce and family courts are so completely stacked against men it would be laughable if it weren't so sad and true, and he needs someone in his corner who will do what they can to keep him from getting shafted too much.
     
  11. Tomorrow macrumors 604

    Tomorrow

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Location:
    Always a day away
    #11
    Sadly, I learned when I decided enough was enough that I could not force her to move - I just chose another home to pay for. It sucks, but unfortunately that's how it is.

    Aah, come to Texas, guys - no alimony here!
     
  12. 3rdpath macrumors 68000

    3rdpath

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2002
    Location:
    2nd star on the right and straight till morning
    #12
    sorry things have gone south...

    as i said in the original thread...quietly pack your stuff and leave. you gave it your best shot and hung in there-that's cool, but it doesn't appear to have helped her resolve her issues.

    the CA courts are very fair and don't favor female over male as was incorrectly posted elsewhere. you'll owe her spousal support for a period of time equal to half of the time you were married. the amount is figured by a computer program called the DissoMaster.

    whatever you pay-it's the price of your personal freedom and it's well worth it. amortize the amount you pay over your remaining lifetime and you'll realize it's not that much.

    it's gonna be a rough road for a while since you don't have family out here. seriously consider moving back to where your family is unless you really love california and want to weather it out and start a new life here.

    hang in there, find a support group and move on.
     

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