Lit Challenge - Jobs Creation Story

Discussion in 'Community' started by jsalzer, Jun 21, 2005.

  1. jsalzer macrumors 6502a


    Jan 18, 2004
    I was thinking last night - many of us will refer to Steverino as a god. It got me thinking - how would the world be a different place if it were Steve (with minor deity Ives standing by his throne) that had created it? Using what we know of Steve, of Apple, of their products, and of their business model, what would have been the process by which the world was created? How would things work? And humans - how and why? Would garbage cans turn into eject buttons under certain circumstances?

    So, I thought a Lit Challenge would be fun. Write a creation story (a spoof of your favorite holy book or something completely fresh) beginning with Steve, Ives, and an empty universe.

    1. You may write in prose, poetry, or song spoof.
    2. Obviously, no direct insult toward non-Steve religions.
    3. Have fun! :)

    Let's see if us Mac people are really as creative as everyone says we are. ;)
  2. ravenvii macrumors 604


    Mar 17, 2004
    Melenkurion Skyweir
    Well, one day, there was a world. Who created it? We forgot. Well, what we do remember is, this great god Steve made the first man. He named this man Apple. The man wasn't too hot though, so he just basically wandered around telling people how awesome they are. Then Steve created the Mac, who went in and ate Apple and his son, the Apple II. The Mac spawned many children, and they flourished. Until one day when a great war occurred, and an evil god overthrew Steve from the throne. The next 10 thousand years are spent in what became known as the "Dark Ages". Meanwhile, Steve decided to go off and create a brand new world - why bother with a old one if he can make a whole new one himself? Unfortunately for him, that world isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Crappy reproduction rates, multidimensional beings entering and stealing stuff and all that you know? So Steverino, being the crafty god that he is, came up to the evil god and convinced him to take over his world. In the coup that will be preached for millennias to come, the evil god took over Steve's world, and then suddenly found himself replaced by Steve on the throne!

    And ever since, the Macintosh have flourished and fought back against the evil god's god's delightful creation - glass people! The Windows Empire as they call themselves, are losing ground to the Apple Empire for the first time since Steve lost the throne! And now, Steve has come up with a cunning plan to do what the Holy Book (TM) calls the "Three Holy Transitions", and thusly make the Macintoshes so vastly superior that it would be physics itself that will be defied if the glass people continue to triumph.

    And so it is PROPHESIED!
  3. fitinferno macrumors 6502

    Apr 7, 2005
    London, UK
    I think I probably did this wrong...and I most likely violated rule #2...but...this seems to be what happens when someone puts an idea in your head and you've not had a lot of Warning...some of the stuff may not be correct and I may possibly have switched some "facts" in order to make it work............I should go to bed....

    Set to the music of Weird Al's "The Saga Begins":

    A long, long time ago...
    I don't even know when
    Stevorino came to be
    And with him there was a dream
    To put the world on a screen
    And really make it truly right

    And with him on this noble plight
    The other Steve who was very bright
    Helped to make the first Mac
    To try to take the world back

    Microsoft thought it was king
    And evil did it always bring
    It didn't care what it became
    Yes, it, Steve would have to tame...

    Oh hey hey this is Steve-o's way
    Maybe Noah some day later
    But he's here to stay
    And those Microsoft b****es were madder than h*ll
    Singin' this can't be the way that we die
    this can't be the way that we die

    Did you know this adopted boy
    With college he wouldn't even toy
    And he's become a god they say?

    Ahh, there he is workin' on the Mac
    Keeping it all right on track
    And he's gonna topple Gates someday

    Well, I know he works with Pixar too
    And there's always a movie to do
    And we were broke it's true
    So we applied for a job or two
    Whew, it was turbulent fun we had
    Helping to design the movie about the fish and the dad
    And we knew it would be a fad
    Oh yes, it was awesome

    We started singin'
    Hey hey this is Steve-O's way
    Maybe Noah some day later
    But he's here to stay
    And those Microsoft b****es were madder than h*ll
    Singin' this can't be the way that we die
    this can't be the way that we die

    Well he finally got into the music biz
    After all the Beatles lawsuit fizz
    And it was fruitful as could be
    So he built a pod and he called it i
    And made itunes easy as pie
    Music was simple as could be
    Well the public was impressed of course
    And Microsoft scared off its horse
    How could it defeat
    This Apple it couldn't eat
    Because Gates' tech just wasn't there
    And Jobs was smilin' ear to ear
    He really had nothing to fear
    Especially with his cat, Cheetah

    We started singin'
    Hey hey this is Steve-O's way
    Maybe Noah some day later
    But he's here to stay
    And those Microsoft b****es were madder than h*ll
    Singin' this can't be the way that we die
    this can't be the way that we die

    God Steve followed his path to the top
    And Microsoft just couldn't stop
    The power that he could command
    And it tried its best to keep up
    With its silly Longhorn pup
    But it was too late to save its face
    And in the end some Windows closed
    Intel saddened went off and dozed
    A lot of comps were broken
    Never to be woken
    And Steve-o headed up the coast
    Going off to Redmond for a boast
    Well, he's the best and it is true
    Apple is for me and you

    And we were singin'
    Hey hey this is Steve-O's way
    Maybe Noah some day later
    But he's here to stay
    And those Microsoft b****es were madder than h*ll
    Singin' this can't be the way that we die
    this can't be the way that we die
  4. vniow macrumors G4

    Jul 18, 2002
    I accidentally my whole location.

    You win.
  5. katie ta achoo macrumors G3

    May 2, 2005
    I'm a goob, so I am probably not following the prompt exactly.. hehe.

    Oh My Steve!
    *slaps wrist* whoops, took the lord's name in vain! (hahaha)

    I'll write a series of haiku, so I can invoke the sweet, sweet dictionary/thesaurus, so expect lots of synonyms! Yea!

    Steve Jobs is the man.
    The one button mouse is love.
    Ives sits by his side.

    Crisp and clean, the streets.
    Rounded edges on all things!
    Nary a car crash!

    Flat Screen LCDs
    have replaced the sun and sky
    No more UV rays!

    World-wide uniform:
    a black t-shirt and blue jeans.
    classy, yet laid-back.

    Veganism is
    compulsory. No more meat!
    Tofu is yummy. :)

    Windows are outlawed.
    Buildings have clear glass instead.
    The name: exposé.

    Large exotic cats
    Domesticated Tigers
    Please don't scratch me up!

    The Halo Effect
    announcement in a key note.
    Is insanely great!
    (and available for $299.99 for the 10" halo, and $399.99 for the 15" halo with photo viewing capabilities. Built-in bluetooth, too!)

    I am a goober.
    and thought too hard about this.
    enjoy attachment!

    (I have no skill. this doesn't even looks M$ PAINT-worthy. I did draw a pretty sweet ellipse, though! ROCK!)

    Attached Files:

  6. jsalzer thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Jan 18, 2004
    In the Beginning...

    Thanks for participating, guys and gals! I wish I knew that song - it's usually only half as funny when you don't know the song. As fer the haiku's - I absolutely love them. I'm thinking of putting them into an RSS feed and letting them come up on my Tiger RSS Screensaver!!!

    Anywho - here's my entry:

    In the beginning, there Steve. Steve was all and all was Steve. Steve is Love and Beauty. There was Steve, and there was darkness. Steve saw the darkness, and it was good. It was sharp and clean, and did not have any rough edges or portruding parts.

    But it was not good enough. There was noone other than Steve to appreciate the beauty of the darkness. And Steve realized that His love could not be perfect without having another to share it with.

    And so He created Ives from himself - from the part that appreciated clean lines, sleekness, beauty, and ease of use. And the two of them cuddled, entwined with one another, enjoying the universe. And so it was for millions of years.

    But then, one day, Ives discovered from a part of the all-knowing Steve that had not been given to him the meaning of romance. And soon, there were protruding parts messing up the clean lines of the universe.

    And so Steve, disturbed by Ives' newly discovered feelings, wrapped himself in the darkness in the form of a black turtleneck that Ives might not find his bare torso attractive. And then there was both darkness and light. But they were blurred together so as to be unusable.

    And so Steve sought to separate the night and the day by creating the world. He assigned Ives to create the physics and chemistry of the world, to make the plants of the fields, the swimming things, and the creatures of the land.

    Meanwhile, Steve realized that a beautiful world should have many beta testers, as well as that His love should be spread even further. And so he created souls.

    To each soul, he created three parts - two of which would enter the thinking creatures (humans), the remaining part of which would be the animal soul that would enter into the lives of the soulmates.

    And so the thinking creatures were set upon the earth, with the appropriate souls sent down to enter the appropriate newborn as needed to fill their destinies.

    (OK - I need to eat now. Chapter 2 will follow.) ;)
  7. fitinferno macrumors 6502

    Apr 7, 2005
    London, UK
    Hehehe, quite amusing :)

    Actually...the parody of the song I did is a parody of a it follows to the tune of American Pie by Don McLean but has a few less verses...

    And yeah, the haikus were definitely great!
  8. fox2005 macrumors member

    Dec 31, 2004
    Lima, Peru
    Great work LOL... too much time in your hand though... LOL

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