Make your very own straight-to-DVD Steven Seagal movie

Steven Seagal plays a government agent, who, assisted by a beautiful but cocky female journalist must kill his brother who has been sold into slavery by a religious figure who aims to destroy the environment.

 

Steven Seagal plays a streetwise hero who assisted by a beautiful but cocky female journalist must avenge his brother who has been blackmailed by a a seemingly respectable but corrupt businessman who aims to bring down the government.

 

Steven Seagal plays a government agent who assisted by a beautiful but deadly female assassin must kill his wife who has been raped by a drug-dealer who aims to destroy the environment.

Mine doesn't make sense- I did it at random. He must kill his wife because she was raped? PPPPPPP

 

I think we could do the same thing with country songs...

Steven Seagal plays a fisherman/cook who, assisted by a beautiful but bisexual set of female twins, must avenge his neighbour who has been sold into slavery by a religious figure who aims to destroy the environment.

I am now working on the screenplay and will make a million dollars.

Wait, do Seagal movies actually make money?

 

I'm ecstatic you used Steven Seagal for this game!

 

Sadly, yes.

"Steven Seagal, playing a down and out banjo player, assisted by a ex-country superstar, must search for his son who was kidnapped by a disgruntled Grand Ol Opry stagehand.

 

lol steven segal is such a cheesy douche bag!
Hilarious!

 

I was thinking something more along the lines of..

Steven Seagal, playing a talented yet underappreciated guitar virtuoso, must drive his rusted-out Chevy pickup truck down a country road in Tennessee with a six-pack of Bud in search of his long-lost father while the angels sing a whiskey lullaby.

But I like yours better...

 

Hello...another Kentuckian!

 

Steven Seagal plays Steven Seagal who is assisted by Steven Seagal who must kill his doppleganger Steven Seagal who has been duplicated with Seagal's DNA by 90s Hollywood action directors who aim to infiltrate the world with B-level action movies.


side note: movies here get seen all over the world. i remember seeing the seagal/dmx movie in madagascar in french. so sad that people think even the bad movies are representative of america

 

Steven Seagal may be B grade, but he's genuine B grade! I have all his movies.

 

Steven Seagal plays an ex-special forces soldier, who assisted by a beautiful but bisexual set of female twins must find his wife who has been sold into slavery by a religious figure who aims to destroy the environment.

Conveyed with all his emotional range, obviously:

 

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm a damn Yank...

 

I can see him making a making a movie about a down and out martial arts actor who tries to restart his career doing gay prison films (or porn), who eventually dies at the end of the film after getting beat up by a 97 year old lady using a walker.