[Merged] Queeries about Homosexuality

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by waloshin, Aug 12, 2009.

  1. waloshin macrumors 68040

    waloshin

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    #1
    ModNote: Hope it's okay, feel free to change the title. Here's your one stop shopping center to ask all the questions you've been saving up about what it's like to be GLBT.... --mkrishnan

    What causes most parents to be upset over find out that their Son is gay? What disappoints them?
     
  2. noaccess macrumors 6502

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    #2
    I don't think there's any one cause, it can range from fear of the son going to hell or something similar having to do with religion, to just plain ol' narcissism, where the parents reject associating themselves with anything less than what they see as perfect... Some are very insecure, and might be afraid of being judged as a bad parent for their son turning out that way, could self-blame because of that... These are just a few examples, of course.
     
  3. designgeek macrumors 65816

    designgeek

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    #3
    Does this have anything to do with your location?;);) It really depends, my roommate's mother "doesn't approve" of his lifestyle or his boyfriend (most people don't approve of the boyfriend) but I think she'll come around. His dad and step mom are totally ok with it. My last boss' parents were republican extremists (literally crazy, had nothing to do with political parties) and they were completely ok with his marriage, his husband's parents were mormon and also ok with the situation. Only on occasion will you get parents that never get over it. I think when people have gay kids of their own they realize that homosexuals are not inherently evil.
     
  4. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

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    #4
    I think a considerable number of disowned or rejected homosexuals might be saying "If only that were true".
     
  5. Heilage macrumors 68030

    Heilage

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    #5
    It could be religious or some other stupid short-sighted reason. But I also think that parents who accept the fact that their son/daughter is gay still might be disappointed that the possibility of grandchildren shrinks. Especially if they only have one child.

    But mostly I think it's stupid people with stupid opinions. :)
     
  6. Chundles macrumors G4

    Chundles

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    #6
    Shock mainly, it's a pretty big thing for people to take on board. The ones who remain upset are the ones you should worry about.
     
  7. designgeek macrumors 65816

    designgeek

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    #7
    Obviously not 100% of families are that way, I think it's a realization that MOST families come to.
     
  8. Shivetya macrumors 65816

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    The morals they were brought up with. My cousin and his wife tolerate their openly gay daughter but won't let her bring her friends to visit. That is their choice. They don't approve of that lifestyle based on how they were brought up and it isn't anyone's right to make them accept it. They also told her that if she starts telling her sisters its all fine and the parents are ignorant that she won't be back for any visits. In other words, she can live her life as she wants but she has no right to interfere with her parent's life or siblings.

    These is from a good old mid-west couple. They would more accept their daughter dating someone not white before being gay; in my cousins sister was married for many years to a black man and other than her mom and his mom (the black guy's mom) being a bit touchy about the issue the rest of the family shrugged.
     
  9. Queso macrumors G4

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    #9
    1) Not all gay men are into anal sex
    2) Not all gay men are the takers when they practice anal sex
    3) The likelihood of HIV infection rises with promiscuity, not sexual preference

    Meanwhile, back on planet Grownup....

    Any parent who is shocked or disappointed if their child comes out to them needs to take a long hard look at themselves. Parents who know their child will have spotted certain traits long before the child is confident enough to tell anybody they are gay, and would have thought through the implications of this years before the moment arrives.
     
  10. Ivan P macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

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    #10
    Gay ≠ high risk of HIV. Get a grip.

    I get the impression that most parents become accepting of such an idea when their child actually comes out to them - I sure as hell know that was the case with my parents. I always had the impression that my dad would absolutely freak out, he seemed - and in a way still does, though he doesn't make it really obvious if that's the case - like a complete homophobe. My mum...well, I just didn't know how she felt about anything, really. When I came out they did the whole "we'll love you no matter what you are" thing, but after several days they'd randomly bring it up and say "we don't think it's true, we think it's a phase". In the end I told them the truth, and something that many people don't take into consideration; I'm still the exact same person that I was before I told them, the only difference is they now know something else about me.
    If anything, any idea of being rejected or being a "social outcast" of sorts was my own fault, brought on from preparing to come out to my family. There's only one thing that does upset me, and I'm rather certain it upsets my parents too, and that's to do with children and the family name and all that - I'm the only son, and there's no other male relatives, so in a way I'm kind of being guilted about "killing the family name". Apart from that, my homosexuality was received pretty well, I guess.
     
  11. Chundles macrumors G4

    Chundles

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    #11
    Well, not really.

    It can definitely come as a shock, no matter how open-minded the parents. It changes their whole perception of the future of their child (not better, not worse, just different and that can be disconcerting) and that can take a little while to get used to.

    I don't hold any animosity towards parents who seem upset for a period of time, they're just getting used to a different picture of the future. Once they figure that out then the shock will subside. It's a big step for the child, probably their biggest but the child needs to realise that people can't just go "oh OK, can you pass the salt?"

    It's the ones who shun their children or show unflappable anger and intolerance towards their children that need a slap.
     
  12. Queso macrumors G4

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    #12
    Not really what I'm saying. If they knew their child at all they would already have contemplated the possibility of them being gay. Therefore a "shocked" parent just hasn't been paying attention.
     
  13. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #13
    I certainly would, because it's not true.
     
  14. obeygiant macrumors 68040

    obeygiant

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    totally cool
  15. Chundles macrumors G4

    Chundles

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    #15
    Yeah I got that part, I only quoted the part I disagree with.
     
  16. jmann macrumors 604

    jmann

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    #16
    I think that most parents were raised to think it's "abnormal" or "wrong" and other influences like their parents and peers probably made it a touchy subject for them at some point in their lives. My mom is technically "mormon" and my dad was excommunicated, but they are both fine with both My twin brother and I being gay.

    Sure, it was hard at first, but it gets easier over time for most parents. My mom used to go to a support group for friends and family of gay people called PFLAG (parents and friends of Lesbians and Gays) and that helped her slightly. She realized at the very beginning that I am the same person whether I am gay or straight, and that made it a lot easier. My whole coming out process was very easy. My brother had already came out first, and it was sort of hard for both my mom and I to deal with (I was still in denial about being gay, when he came out), and one day my mom and I were driving in the car, and she said

    Can I ask you a question? (I knew what was coming...) I said "Sure, go ahead". She simply asked "Are you gay?", and my simple response was "I guess so." :)

    She was just happy I was honest with her, and told me that she loves me and just wants what makes me happy no matter what that is, as long as I am safe. My mom is a great person and I am happy that both her and my dad in California are so accepting. It is a very very uncommon thing for parents to be accepting of gay children here, because I live in Salt Lake City, Utah, where 90% percent of people are LDS (Mormon). I usually don't run into to many problems though. I like to keep my business to myself. ;)
     
  17. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #17
    Love all the 'grown up' talk that plays down the risk of HIV and anal sex.

    [​IMG]

    So anyone that think that being a gay male doesn't equal higher risk of transmission is blinkered either to protect their own lifestyle or they're plain naive.
     
  18. jmann macrumors 604

    jmann

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    #18
    Just because you are gay doesn't mean you are being chased by an ugly HIV monster (at least I haven't seen it running around yet). You have to be foolish and put yourself in a "risk" situation in order to be in threat of HIV, that means having unprotected sex. Just look at Africa, they are plagued with HIV right now, and not because that continent if full gays. It's because of many other reasons.
     
  19. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #19
    You're still wrong. Being gay does not equal being at high risk for HIV. Being promiscuous puts you at high risk for HIV (gay men tend to have more sexual partners). That's true whether you're straight or gay. Look at Africa where it's mainly a heterosexual problem. You can't pick and choose statistics from a certain country or countries and then make a claim like this.
     
  20. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #20
    Being gay equals higher risk of HIV, period. Your protectionism is the only thing on display here. Facts are facts and throwing around labels calling people bigots when the facts don't fit your skewed perspective of the world doesn't get you anywhere. But carry-on with it :rolleyes:
     
  21. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #21
    No, it does NOT. Being gay does not give you HIV. That is a fact. I can't believe you're ignoring that. We've all proven that to you with facts that you continue to ignore.
     
  22. spaceboots06 macrumors 6502a

    spaceboots06

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    #22
    I've lived in New York all of my life and I've never met a parent who didn't love their kid when the kid came out of the closet. It's actually pretty clear sometimes when your son or daughter is homosexual.

    Gay men tend to have more sexual partners
    and
    that's true whether you're straight or gay?

    So gay men don't tend to have more sexual partners.

    Your peculiar word choice is on display big time.
     
  23. Chundles macrumors G4

    Chundles

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    #23
    What if you're gay and celibate?

    Would you still be at a higher risk?

    Unsafe sex is what can lead to AIDS.
    But I'm pretty sure you're just stirring the pot like everyone who argues on the net.
     
  24. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #24
    Yes, you did. And that is simply not true.
     
  25. xUKHCx Administrator emeritus

    xUKHCx

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