My best friend came out of the closet to me, but there's a twist...

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by Dmac77, Jan 15, 2009.

  1. Dmac77 macrumors 68020

    Dmac77

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2008
    Location:
    Michigan
    #1
    So this afternoon, my best friend came out of the closet and told me that he is gay. Now I don't have a problem with that, but about 15 minutes into our conversation, he told me that he has feelings for me. Now as you can imagine I was taken aback by this. My friend was one of the last people that I would have thought to be gay (jock type, girls go gaga for him, he could have any girl in our school).

    So continuing on, I was very taken aback by my friend telling me that he is gay, and even more taken aback by the fact that he has feelings for me.

    Now here's where it gets more complicated. For the past few months, I've been thinking that I might me gay. And I know many of you who have followed my posts in the PRSI forum will doubt it. But in my family it would be considered a shameful thing, and I would be shunned. Some members of my family is very conservative, and think that it's a sin to be gay (except a few of my cousins, and my parents). So for the past 14.5 years of my life it has been instilled in me that gay people are flawed, and sinful (mostly by my grandparents, and aunts/uncles, whom I'm very close to). Now over the past few months my views have been changing on the issue, due to me thinking that I'm gay. And today, all of these feelings in me peaked.

    Now it goes on to be even more complicated. I also have feelings for my friend, but he does not know that I'm gay. And I don't know if it's a good idea to tell him. If it got out, that I'm gay, it would ruin my life, due to the fact that a good portion of my family would shun me. So I'm really confused here. I don't want to mess up the chance to be with my friend whom, I do have feelings for, but I don't want my relationship with some members of my family to be ruined.

    It was extremely hard for me to even muster up the courage to post this here on MacRumors, but I know that the members of this community will be supportive for me, even if I have been less then supportive of them. So I'm asking everyone what they think I should do in this situation. I know that there have probably been a few of you on here, that have had the issue of a family that is less then supportive in this type of matter, and I was hoping that some of you guys could give some input on this matter.

    Thanks,

    Don
     
  2. TK B$K macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2007
    Location:
    Portland OR
    #2
    Holy twisted story. I thought i was at the twisted part when you said your friend had feelings for you, but then you get into saying your gay too! Very very twisted! In a good way!

    Well not to sound cliche or anything but... follow your heat.
     
  3. iJesus macrumors 6502a

    iJesus

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Location:
    Reno, Nevada
    #3
    Don,
    What defines us in life is not only the things we do; but, also the things we failed to do when we were presented with the opportunity. Time will pass, wounds will heal, but the regret that you live with knowing that you never took the chance to do what you want, it will haunt you Don. Although it may be hard for you to accept homosexuality, don't think of it as a way of having sex, think of it as a way of fulfilling your desires and truly stepping out of your comfort zone to discover new and exciting things. Love is love, simple as that. Please, never fail to love. Whether it be a man or a woman, make sure there is love in your life. Please, nothing is more enjoyable than coming to terms with who you are. And maybe you're confused, who knows. Just don't bury yourself in the judgment of others. Life is too short.
     
  4. Prof. macrumors 601

    Prof.

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    Chicago
    #4
    It took me a little more than 5 years to come out to my mom and two sisters from the time I realized I was (am) gay. The only advice I can give you is to take is slow. You have all the time in the world.

    Like you said, we support you and are always here for you if and when you need help. :) Especially teh gays™:D
     
  5. mouchoir macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2004
    Location:
    London, UK
    #5
    I think 'follow your heart' is the cliché, but I like your version better :-D

    On one hand it has worked out perfectly, with you both having feelings for each other. But it must be unbelievably tough knowing how your family feel.

    You mention your parents might understand though? That is a huge start, and I hope they would back you up and maybe bring other family members around.

    One thing is for certain is that if you are sure you are gay, nothing good can come from repressing it in the long run, you will only cause yourself grief in the long run.

    Good luck.

    Edit: Just saw Profs post - great advice!
     
  6. iJesus macrumors 6502a

    iJesus

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2007
    Location:
    Reno, Nevada
    #6
    You should watch C.R.A.Z.Y.

    I watched it earlier and it's probably one of my new favorite movies.
     
  7. TuffLuffJimmy macrumors G3

    TuffLuffJimmy

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2007
    Location:
    Portland, OR
    #7
    ahhhh that's kind of a sweet story if things turn out well, at the same time if they don't it's kind of a pretty tragedy.

    Anyway, I sort of had a similar situation. When I came out it was just to a few of my friends. My best male friend was straight, and he didn't seem to mind that I was gay. I had always really liked him, but didn't really mind that he was straight, and me liking him was never really an issue. Then one night at a party he came onto me and one thing led to another.... anyway, we're still good friends.

    At least your feelings are mutual for each other and you both like each other at the same time. Where me and my friend never really liked each other at the same time, so things never really developed past that night and a few others... we never really formed a relationship.
     
  8. Abstract macrumors Penryn

    Abstract

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2002
    Location:
    Location Location Location
    #8
    There will never be a good time to tell your family.

    Keep telling yourself that before you go and do it one day. ;)
     
  9. Dmac77 thread starter macrumors 68020

    Dmac77

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2008
    Location:
    Michigan
    #9
    Thanks for all of your supportive posts so far! I think I'm going to go meet my friend for lunch tomorrow (no school tomorrow) and tell him everything. My god, I feel like a weight that's been crushing me has just been lifted.

    Thank you all so much!

    Don
     
  10. nickspohn macrumors 68040

    nickspohn

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2007
    #10
    God if my best friends one day said they were gay...

    My friends are as anti gay as it gets.

    I see you are still 14... very young.
     
  11. dukebound85 macrumors P6

    dukebound85

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Location:
    5045 feet above sea level
    #11
    Dude, its not the end of the world to worry about what other people think of you. its your life not theirs
     
  12. Angelo95210 macrumors 6502a

    Angelo95210

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2009
    Location:
    Paris, France
    #12
    If you feel you re gay do it. This is the way you will be happy otherwise you will regret it one day. Most important think your parents are with you.

    But I don't think you have to tell anybody at this time. Coming out is a brave thing, it's about yourself first. Telling to others is the second step.

    Take care !
     
  13. war eagle macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2008
    #13
    He's probably joking around with you and by you telling him you're gay its gonna ruin your friendship because he isnt really gay.
     
  14. nickspohn macrumors 68040

    nickspohn

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2007
    #14
    That is something my friends would do. I would seriously LOL.
     
  15. angelneo macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2004
    Location:
    afk
    #15
    One thing to think about is that good things/people don't come knocking twice. But on the other hand, you are still young, there's a lot more to see.
     
  16. ravenvii macrumors 604

    ravenvii

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2004
    Location:
    Melenkurion Skyweir
    #16
    Just picture it... lulz "Dude... I was joking."

    Seriously though, good luck and I hope you do what's right for youself.
     
  17. Dmac77 thread starter macrumors 68020

    Dmac77

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2008
    Location:
    Michigan
    #17
    Nick wouldn't do that to me. We've known each other since we were both 3. Nick's not the kind of person that would take such a huge risk especially with me, because I've been raised by a family that is so against homosexuality, and he knows it. And now that I think about it, there are certain signals that I've gotten from him before, in an effort to keep this clean let's just say that he enjoys changing out in gym. Also Nick has never been into girls. Whenever our other friends talk about a "hot chick", Nick and I both normally try to back out of the conversation.

    God I hope that he wouldn't do something like that to me.

    Don
     
  18. angelneo macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2004
    Location:
    afk
    #18
    Given that you know him since 3, I doubt he will do such thing to you.

    On the side: Your avatar in this topic just make me chuckle.
     
  19. jmann macrumors 604

    jmann

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2007
    Location:
    bump on a log in a hole in the bottom of the sea
    #19
    I think you should totally go for it. You can keep family and relationships separate. They don't need to know your business. :)
     
  20. nickspohn macrumors 68040

    nickspohn

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2007
    #20
    Yeah he is more than likely serious.


    If it was me though, I would wait a while... you are still so young. You don't know what you want in life yet.
     
  21. laserfox macrumors 6502

    laserfox

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2008
    Location:
    new york
    #21
    I freaking love Boston Legal. Will miss it terribly.

    Being gay isn't all its cracked up to be. Stay in the closet. You might be better off and besides at 14 you should focus on other things than "feelings" for another dude.
     
  22. Dmac77 thread starter macrumors 68020

    Dmac77

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2008
    Location:
    Michigan
    #22
    Are you implying that I'm saying that I'm gay because it's cool to be gay? If so, I'm extremely offended by your comment. If that's not what you meant please explain what you meant by "Being gay isn't all it's cracked up to be."?

    Don
     
  23. kellen macrumors 68020

    kellen

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    #23
    Is this the young kid "I may be gay because no girl likes me?" or "I may be gay because I try to meet girls but none are into me?" or "I haven't kissed a girl and I am 16 years old?" If either of those, I think you should find out who you are. Its normal to feel such things when young and know little about life. Self doubt is normal. This doesn't mean you are gay.

    However if you find yourself attracted to people of the opposite sex and thats what you fantasize about, then thats another game.

    What to do rests with you. Just realize you only live this life once and chances to do something again rarely come around again in life.

    Editing this I am trying to say it comes across as if you may know you are gay and are asking for advice on hitting on a friend vs. you don't know if you are gay and a friend came out to you and now you think you are. Just trying to clarify this.
     
  24. dukebound85 macrumors P6

    dukebound85

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Location:
    5045 feet above sea level
    #25
    14 is what his profile says


    part of me wants to say he hasnt hit the lady bug yet.

    i know my brother is 14 and just this year is he talking to me about crushes he has and how to ask girls out lol.

    but he obviously knows himself better than any of us do so go with your gut op
     

Share This Page