Need advise, about a girl

Discussion in 'Community' started by juicedus, Jan 30, 2005.

  1. juicedus macrumors member

    Nov 29, 2004
    in a van down by the river
    So here's some background info. I live with 2 girls, 1 is my ex-girlfriend from freshman year and the other is her friend, who I've also known since freshman year. Freshman year was 1999.

    The ex-girlfriend is annoying as hell now, no need to say anything about living with an ex, I already get enough from my friends. The other one is cool as hell, basically with out each other we would have gone crazy living with the ex.

    The longer I live with the other girl the more I like her. She's a really great person and we get along great. Last friday night we all went out like usual and had a great time. The ex left with her b/f, who was visiting, becasue she was very drunk. After that me and the other roomie were talking and next thing I know we're making out.

    So here's my problem, I don't know what to do. After we were done kissing she brought up the fact that it was wrong cuz we have to live with each other. She kept saying that she likes me and all that stuff but that we can't do anything cuz of the living situation. I graduate in may so I've still got a couple of months of living with her, and the ex doesn't know about what happened yet. The question is, do I leave well enough alone and pretend nothing happend or do I ask her about it and try to get something started?

    I'm open to anyones suggestion.
  2. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Jul 4, 2004
    Play it cool

    While you're all living together, a situation like this could be explosive...

    If you're truly serious about this girl, then wait till your ex is out of the picture.

    Give it time. Don't push anything... The situation will become clearer over the coming days and weeks.

    But don't openly reject the other girl either. Remember, that she is also your ex's friend and may be more inclined to side with her if things get difficult. You may then find yourself at the business-end of a horrible triangle...
  3. Lacero macrumors 604


    Jan 20, 2005
    I don't see how anything positive will come out of this situation. Are you still active with your ex?
  4. 2A Batterie macrumors 6502a

    2A Batterie

    Jun 9, 2004
    Out of a Suitcase, USA
    You're a rock star man. Sorry for the lack of advice, but rock on!!
  5. miloblithe macrumors 68020


    Nov 14, 2003
    Washington, DC
    Proceeding slowly is good advice, but I'd also have to advize you to proceed. You're young man; now is the time in your life to have some drama! I'd draw your attention to the saying, "the funny thing about regret is that it's better to regret doing something than it is to regret not doing something."

    or words to that effect.
  6. juicedus thread starter macrumors member

    Nov 29, 2004
    in a van down by the river
    Well since we've all been living together the other girl and I are pretty good friends now. And I'm not doing anything with the ex, she has a b/f. The thing about the ex is that we don't really act like we've dated since it was so long ago and it was a short relationship. She's just tough person to live with, very self-centered. Yesterday we all went out, me the 2 roomies and the ex's b/f, to dinne and a movie and had a great time the only thing is that she kept avoiding eye contact and such. I'm thinking I'll just let her be for a while. I kinda just wanna talk things out with her when we're sober and the ex is not around.
  7. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Jul 4, 2004
    A very good reason for not getting on the wrong side of her. Although she may have a current boyfriend, the reality of seeing you with her friend may cause her to flip out.

    That is most definitely the best way to approach this.
    Choose your words carefully...
  8. jsw Moderator emeritus


    Mar 16, 2004
    Andover, MA
    Best of luck resolving things. My take, based on very little evidence, just what you've written, is that she likes you but might not like you, at least not now. In other words, she probably enjoyed making out but doesn't really want a relationship. Maybe the "we live together" thing is real, maybe it's just an excuse. I definitely agree to take it very slow and give her space. If the chemistry is real, the fact that you live together isn't a negative. But... if you jump the gun, it'd be just a bucket of fun to be living in an apartment with two exes, wouldn't it?
  9. stubeeef macrumors 68030


    Aug 10, 2004
    Dude, you are brave!

    Good luck, you'll need it!
  10. vollspacken macrumors 65816


    Oct 17, 2002
    Boogie-Down Berlintown
    exactly... girls come and go.

    you are graduating in May? so what are you waiting for??? you will never see them/her again anyways... go get her, tiger! otherwise you'll regret it later...

  11. juicedus thread starter macrumors member

    Nov 29, 2004
    in a van down by the river
    Based on what everyone has said I think I've figured out what I'm going to do. I don't wanna rush it so I'll just leave her be for a few days and when the ex is off at work or something I'll talk to her about it. I guess I just really wanna know where I stand and how she feels. So we'll see what happens, I'll keep you guys posted on what happens.
  12. virividox macrumors 601


    Aug 19, 2003
    Manila - Nottingham - Philadelphia - Santa Barbar
    yikes!!! hmmm i think you need to sit down and have a good talk with the both of them. but then dont be scared of the ex shes an adult she should be able to handle stuff
  13. greenmeanie macrumors 65816


    Jan 22, 2005
  14. AmigoMac macrumors 68020


    Aug 5, 2003
    :D :D ... Hard Rock!

    Tell the other girl what you feel! be honest, propose her what you think you both could do in the meantime, just stop and wait if you both would like to be together? hey! it's a decision of two if you tell her everything as it is, if you want to go out with her why wait till may? I personally don't see a point, speak to her...
  15. mymemory macrumors 68020


    May 9, 2001
    Ba carefull..... ask mymemory as well!

    Dude, just to give you some background, I am latin american and the term "latin lover" is because of something we know.

    Now you are all set, but becareful because you are falling in to the game of the women (tragedy, drama, etc) and here is when you can show her how cool you are... she is testing you in her subconcience to see how much integrity and male you are because women look for that reability on men specially when taking descisions.

    Now, all you have to do is be cool, just tell her "relax" I like you, you like me, we are having fun, do not get complicated. Beside's you ex has another bf, seh moved on, now is your turn.

    Then buy a bottle of Bacardi Rum, then the Piña Colada mix and fix her a piña colada and everything is fine.

    Do not fall in to dramas, rememebr you are the guy who "turn on and off the light", take positions and everything is just fine.
  16. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Jul 4, 2004

    Your ignorance and casual misogyny is truly disturbing...
  17. Lacero macrumors 604


    Jan 20, 2005
    Good luck on how it turns out... although I think you are setting yourself up for failure, regardless of how much you like this girl.
  18. obeygiant macrumors 68040


    Jan 14, 2002
    totally cool

    dude, you're asking a bunch of mac nerds advice about women?
    I think you're barking up the wrong tree, pal.
  19. iJon macrumors 604


    Feb 7, 2002
    Geez, your a senior in college, live with your ex girlfriend and the only other girl your macking on is her best friend that lives in the house with you. That is just asking for trouble. I am surprised you would put yourself through the trouble of living with an ex-girlfriend. I would have been out of there in a heartbeat.

    If you start telling this girl you really like her and stuff like that I would almost bet you will scare her off then you are going to be living with two very uncomfortable people. I would suggest you hit some clubs, bars, whatever you do for fun and find a girl that won't cause you so much drama.

  20. 7on macrumors 601


    Nov 9, 2003
    Dress Rosa
    damnit, why do girls dislike guys liking them?
  21. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Jul 4, 2004
    Just because... ;) :D

    Also, depends on the guy.

    George Clooney or Harrison Ford (in his Indy days) can like me as much they want... :)
  22. edesignuk Moderator emeritus


    Mar 25, 2002
    London, England
    muwahahahahahahahahaha [​IMG]
  23. Jovian9 macrumors 68000


    Feb 19, 2003
    Planet Zebes
    In '99 during college I moved into an apartment with 3 girls that I was friends with. One of the girls was a very good friend and had been for awhile. After about 4 months of living there this particular girl and I began dating.
    We are married now:)
    It can work out if you and her want it to.
  24. blackfox macrumors 65816


    Feb 18, 2003
    Juicedus, what are your plans after graduation/May? Are you going to stay where you are now (city, not apt/house)? Do you have specific plans/goals post-graduation? Are you going to take a trip or something?

    I ask only because I wonder if it is worth the hassle when you stand back and look at things.

    It sounds like you and the girl (not the ex) have bonded, perhaps in solidarity against your ex, something which may or may not dissolve once you all part ways/move out.

    The (sometimes genuine) problem with starting a physical relationship with someone you've had a close platonic relationship for a while (six years in your case), is that it is a gamble many people don't want to take, as it involves the potential risk of all you share at the moment. This is not to say that long-term friends don't work out as lovers, or that it is necessarily bad to try, but it is something that should be thought through.

    I would have to say that if their is a physical connection (you already have some semblance of a emotional one), then it will still be there in a few months.

    With so little contextual information to go on, it is difficult to say, however.
    I would try my best to let it go for now and concentrate on having a good time w/ and w/o each other, unless she brings it up or a comparable situation presents itself. Then, in a few months after you've moved, ask her out.

    If you can't help but confront this girl, be frank and diplomatic and remember not to make her feel defensive. Then let it go.

    Sorry I can't be more helpful here, I don't know (a) your plans after graduation, (b) the importance of said girl to you and why, (c) the nature of the relationship between this girl and your ex, (d) the nature of your relationship with said girl over the long-term, (e) houselhold dynamics, or (f) other possibilities.

    BTW, you will appreciate the experience of living with two women as time goes by, and with any luck, so will future gf's...

    Good luck mate.
  25. munkle macrumors 68030


    Aug 7, 2004
    On a jet plane
    For this alone, I vote mymemory, aka ricky martin's left buttock, my poster of the month for January. Coupled with his hilarious views on animal cruelty, side splitting jokes, general love towards the community, it's members (here again) and moderators, how could this award possibly go to anybody else?!

    Stand up and take a bow good sir, you deserve it... :rolleyes:

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