Need help with a family friend...

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by jonbravo77, May 21, 2009.

  1. jonbravo77 macrumors 6502a

    jonbravo77

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #1
    Hi all. I post this in PRSI because I know how this subject hits a lot of different tones.

    My son has a friend who he has known for a very long time, this friend will be 16 in a few days. We just found that he has been seeing a boy of the same age but has also had sex with a girl as well so he may be bisexual. There is nothing wrong with that but my concern is the environment this friend lives in. The family lived near us for a very long time and through a divorce and other circumstances they had to move. The father is extremely clueless and this kid pretty much has to do everything for him, just learned that this kid had to help his father with the do's and don'ts' of online dating.

    Anyway. The grandmother (where they are staying in Utah) found out and now most if not all of his family will not speak to him. He's having a bit of a rough time. He will be coming out to visit in a couple of weeks and I want to try to help him, we consider him our son that's how close we are..

    I am not trying to spark a debate, I just wanted to get some advice on how to handle things. I want him to be happy but I don't want him to fall into something that he may not be just do to escaping his family. We will support him no matter what but I want to make sure he does what is right for him. He has done some things with this boy he has been dating but not everything, but from what I understand is this boy likes him (may love him) and when I asked about how my sons friend felt about this other boy he wasn't sure, I asked how he felt when he spent time with this boy and he replied with he feels welcomed..

    Any advice would greatly be appreciated. Sorry for the long post and I do hope that I can get advice and not have this turn into some big debate and be derailed...

    Thanks
     
  2. Zombie Acorn macrumors 65816

    Zombie Acorn

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2009
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    #2
    Be careful about talking to the kid about anything of sexual nature since hes 16. Thats the advice I have.
     
  3. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #3
    God, I hate hearing stories like this. :( It's good that you're allowing him to visit. Please listen to him about what he's going through. Do not push him in either direction with regards to his sexuality. Listen, and be supportive of what he tells you. If you start suggesting that he's just rebelling, he'll think you don't take him seriously. And believe me, no one does this just to get away from their family. I've been through a similar situation with my family. I know how hard this is.

    Again I can't say this enough- listen to him and be supportive. He needs to feel like someone understands and stands with him. This can be a very frightening and lonely time.
     
  4. jonbravo77 thread starter macrumors 6502a

    jonbravo77

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #4
    Thanks Lee. That's the biggest thing that my wife and I have been telling him, that he has us no matter what.. We will always be there for him. I think that's the question I needed answered the most, the possibility of this being a rebellion or feeling lost and falling into this comfort. I'll probably do what you said and listen and help him know that he has us always..

    It was frightening to hear that he told our son that he contemplated suicide after his grandmother found out. I have been texting him at least once a day just to make sure how he is doing. He seems to be doing better than when all of this started just a few days ago. And that is the last thing we want to do is to push him either way. He needs to figure his sexuality out for himself. I did tell him that he needs to not let anyone push him into any decision including this boy he is dating.

    I appreciate your thoughts Lee...
     
  5. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #5
    You just told me everything I needed to know. He's not rebelling if he's contemplating suicide. This is definitely him being who he is. If he were merely trying to get away from his family, he wouldn't care what they think. Be very careful and stay in touch with him as much as possible. This is very serious. I don't think I can stress that enough.
     
  6. jonbravo77 thread starter macrumors 6502a

    jonbravo77

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #6
    I guess the more I think of it rebelling isn't what he's doing. I think it's more finding some comfort that he does not get with his family. He has had to be the mature one in his household, the one that helps his dad figure everything out. We don't care what sexuality he is, I guess what we are very concerned about is with his happiness and his safety. Don't want to see him go from person to person trying to find that happiness and comfort he lacks from his household. I've seen enough of that with a friend who is older than me just go from woman to woman and always gets hurt due to his choices...

    Like I said, just want the kid to be happy. He deserves that much....
     
  7. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #7
    I understand. Good luck and just be there for him. That's the most important thing right now.
     
  8. jonbravo77 thread starter macrumors 6502a

    jonbravo77

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #8
    Thanks again Lee, really appreciate your input...
     
  9. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #9
    No problem. That's why we're all here- to help each other.
     
  10. Ugg macrumors 68000

    Ugg

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2003
    Location:
    Penryn
    #10
    Lee's given very good advice. The only thing I'd add is that he's going to need to learn how to cope with his family. Since he has two years more under their roof, it may be a tough time. When he goes back home, he may well need help in accessing assistance. He needs support more than anything.
     
  11. jonbravo77 thread starter macrumors 6502a

    jonbravo77

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #11
    True. My wife has a friend who is gay and he has given her a phone number for a support line geared towards kids who are coming out. I think we will suggest that as well. Thank you..
     
  12. jecapaga macrumors 601

    jecapaga

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2007
    Location:
    Southern California
    #12
    The world is a better place because of people like you and for looking out for this kid and taking him under your wing. Perfect timing for him to be coming for a visit. Some real outside support is probably just what he needs right now to navigate through this. I think through lots of listening you will find the answers as to what to do.
     

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