Need suggestion: Nice thing to do for boyfriend who is SUPER stressed?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by ktbubster, Mar 24, 2009.

  1. ktbubster macrumors 6502a

    ktbubster

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2007
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    US
    #1
    Some of you may have followed my previous rambling thread about my boyfriend issues.

    Well long story short, we finally had a good talk on the phone yesterday and he assured me nothing is wrong with us, but he is really really stressed with work the last week and a half and taxes among us may prove to be far more then he expected as well so it's all just rather bothersome. He even canceled plans for tonight we had to hang out because he has so much work to do, but I will be seeing him all day on Saturday.

    Anyway... on to my question.

    I was wondering what I could do for him this week that would be sweet and maybe could help relieve stress.

    Keep in mind that I live an hour away from him... and plan on not bugging him about anything for the next few days and letting him do the calling if he wants to vent.

    Outside of that, i'd really like to be able to do something nice.

    He has to wake up at 4 am on Thursday to drive up to chicago for some client meetings with his business partner as well.

    I noticed his fridge and pantry was a bit low the last time I was there... but i'm not really sure how that factors in.... I was thinking maybe sending out a "care package" or something with just a few munchies or something, but i'm not sure if that would be something a guy would like or just find weird/annoying.

    Any suggestions from guys about what they might really appreciate a girl doing for them when they are super stressed and too busy for much more then work?

    Thanks in advance!
     
  2. CalPoly10 macrumors regular

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  3. ktbubster thread starter macrumors 6502a

    ktbubster

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    #3
    if i didn't live an hour away i could drop in for that yes. but I live an hour away.
    ... but thanks for that insightful suggestion. :p
     
  4. charlesbronsen macrumors 6502a

    charlesbronsen

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    Toronto, Ont
    #4
    Food is a great idea. Care packages rock... I would love to get one from a girl.

    maybe some TLC;)

    Food and booze should be enough to put a smile on any guys face
     
  5. TEG macrumors 604

    TEG

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    Langley, Washington
    #5
    There really isn't anything better than arriving home after a long day to find a wonderful meal prepared by someone you love. Then again it doesn't really have to be fancy, I mean, Kraft Dinner/Mac&Cheese will usually work.

    TEG
     
  6. ktbubster thread starter macrumors 6502a

    ktbubster

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    #6
    WAHHH i live an hour away! And I don't have a key... Sigh. SO many good ideas for someone who is like 20 min away and could time out when he'd be home! :)

    Not to mention he lives outside most delivery ranges too! lol so I can't even order something and have it sent there to surprise him very easily! :(

    Anyone have some suggestions for non-perishables that are tasty to be sent witha care package (overnight non-perishables are fine.. breads etc woudl work)
     
  7. Drumjim85 macrumors 68030

    Drumjim85

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    DFW, TX
    #7
    well if you can't touch him, or cook for him. Sending home made cookies, brownies, fudge, or anything like that is always great!
     
  8. JLatte macrumors 6502

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    San Diego
    #8
    giggidy giggidy!

    Seriously though, the care package is cool. Some food, beer and a porno is great, preferably homemade (the porn).
     
  9. That-Is-Bull macrumors 6502

    That-Is-Bull

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  10. ktbubster thread starter macrumors 6502a

    ktbubster

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    #10
    lol.

    Nekkid Pixs. Nice thought.

    Cookies :::slaps head::: duh! Not a bad idea.

    Any more suggestions are welcome!

    :)

    And he doesnt' care for much beer. But that's what they make tiny bottles of liqour for! lol
     
  11. jknight8907 macrumors 6502a

    jknight8907

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    Hudson Valley NY
    #11
    Why don't you go see him? An hour isn't exactly a huge trip. Suck it up.
     
  12. ktbubster thread starter macrumors 6502a

    ktbubster

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    #12
    umm because he would feel like he's ignoring me if I go visit randomly. He already canceled plans because he has too much work... and wasn't very happy about it.

    I dont' want to make him more stressed then he already is. The idea is to be helpful/sweet without making him feel like i'm adding something else to worry about!

    I mean yes.. I could drive a bit over an hour pick up food, give it to him, give him a hug and leave... but i feel like he'd still feel bad that I drove all that way back and forth just for that.
     
  13. arkitect macrumors 601

    arkitect

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    #13
    So everything is OK with the boyfriend now?

    I remember a week or so back you were a bit worried abut him avoiding you.
     
  14. ktbubster thread starter macrumors 6502a

    ktbubster

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    #14
    Yes. Like I said above...

    Things were weird and such, but I talked to him on the phone about it point blank and he said that the only problem is that i worry too much that it's about me. He really had just been stressed with work and then taxes coming up and all that and he still really wants to see me yadda yadda and nothing changed. Hence me wondering what I can do about all this work stress... I would like to subtract or at least throw a few smiles into the mix without being intrusive or adding to it :)
     
  15. arkitect macrumors 601

    arkitect

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    #15
    Missed that, sorry. ;)

    I am glad it is all good.
    Now get into da kitchen! :D
     
  16. maestro55 macrumors 68030

    maestro55

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    #16
    Yes, the cookies would be awesome... I don't know a single guy that would not really love getting homemade cookies from his girlfriend (unless he was diabetic and she didn't make sugar free cookies).
     
  17. Cromulent macrumors 603

    Cromulent

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    #17
    Good point. Better make sure he doesn't have any weird allergies! :)
     
  18. zelmo macrumors 603

    zelmo

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    #18
    Crass, but it's not as if we weren't all thinking it already.:p

    100% agreed. Home-made brownies or cookies, maybe a mix CD or a magazine he likes. anything that will make him sit for a few minutes not thinking about work (and thinking about you) is a splendid and thoughtful thing to do. Guys may not always think to do these things for their S/O, but that sure doesn't mean we don't appreciate them. (I guess it just means we men kinda suck at being really thoughtful).

    Good luck.
     
  19. notjustjay macrumors 603

    notjustjay

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    Canada, eh?
    #19
    If he's really stressed about all the things he needs to do, is there anything you can do to help him out? If not with the thing he's working on, maybe something else to help him out? Cliched and dumb, but maybe cooking, cleaning, laundry?

    Have you ever heard of the "five love languages"? I read a few books on this theme. The theory is that expressions of love can basically be categorized into five areas: physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time. Everyone has a "primary" love language which they respond best to. I've discovered I'm a "quality time" person. You can tell me "I love you" (words of affirmation) and buy me gifts all you want, but if you're never around to spend time with me, then I don't feel very loved.

    (By the way - the "five love languages" theory has been really helpful to me in understanding how I relate with people -- not just bf/gf issues but also with dealing with parents, friends, kids, etc.)

    If I was your boyfriend, stressed out, and knowing that I respond best to quality time, then I would be ecstatic if you were to come over and just be with me for the evening while I work. Just letting me know you're there and that you care, knowing that I don't have to feel guilty for not dropping what I'm doing to lavish everything on you (that can wait for another day).

    For example, help him with his taxes, help find the right forms and read out the numbers. Together you'd get a lot of work done, he wouldn't feel alone, and he'd know that you cared enough to sacrifice an evening to do something so boring but important. And anything's less boring if it's with someone you love!

    If you figure your boyfriend responds better to something else -- a big surprise gift, a love letter, a vacuumed house -- then go with that.

    Hope that helps.
     
  20. JohnDoe8450 macrumors member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2009
    #20
    Put on some hot lingerie under some pretty clothing, drive over there and have fun for the evening/night if you can stay. If you want food, bring with some chocolat, strawberries and whipped cream!

    I doubt he'll feel so bad about canceling that he'll wish you hadn't come... Just tell him you couldn't help it, you just had to come over and see him!
     
  21. velocityg4 macrumors 68040

    velocityg4

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    Georgia
    #21
    As for food if he likes chocolate make Maggie's Decadent Brownies. By god these are the best I have ever made.

    If sending a care package I could not say if that is appropriate or not because everyone has their own temperaments.

    Personally given the choices of care package, talking about it on the phone and girlfriend driving over I would opt for the girlfriend driving over. Though that act would have to be spontaneous on her part otherwise I would deny the necessity if asked. However, I would want her to stay for the night not just the evening at an hour drive. So maybe head over on Friday with a movie (think Bloodsport not Little Women), home cooked meal and Jägermeister with Rockstar(since he does not care for beer). Many guys would be stoked by this combo

    As for long chats on the phone most guys I know including myself hate long chats with the girlfriend or anyone else for that matter. After a long stressful day that is the last thing desired. The only guy I know whom does like talking on the phone is only with hunting/fishing buddies to talk about the season and the latest catch.

    A care package is nice but then a guy is placed in the awkward spot of not knowing if he should send a thank you card:p.

    If you do show be sure he will be at home.
     
  22. scotty96LSC macrumors 65816

    scotty96LSC

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    Charlotte, NC
    #22
    If I was in his position, which I have been in, it would be great to come home and find you there with a great meal waiting on the table or at least in the oven. This all unexpected of course. Make sure his partner is in on this so he ensures your boyfriend goes home after work.
    I'd take the hour drive and surprise him. Leave the next morning.
    He will remember that a long time.
    I would.
     
  23. remmy macrumors 6502a

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    #23
    My girlfriend once sent me some small bottles of whisky in the post. :D
     
  24. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

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    #24
    She has no key. I love brownies. Use me as a Guinea-pig. :p
     
  25. ktbubster thread starter macrumors 6502a

    ktbubster

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    Jan 20, 2007
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    US
    #25
    I actually decided to go with the care package.

    The whole thing is that he canceled our plans this week. He usually comes down to me on the weekends and I typically do come in around 7 or so (he usually works until about then) and spend the night at his place. He is the kind of guy who doesn't really want me there while he works... I mean, if I am there and have something to work on myself he's happy about it, because he doesn't feel like he's ignoring me, but that defeats the point in this case! otherwise he feels bad and probably more stressed.

    We haven't been together that long at all, which is why the less obtrusive the better probably... but I do know he appreciates being thought of, and left to himself when he has to get work done (we are pretty similar that way) which is why - like someone said - i just wanted to get his mind off work for a few minutes, get a smile or two and then give him a few things he'll enjoy.

    I remember on one of our first dates though he told me "cookies always work best" in reference to making him feel better etc. So i went with some chocolate chunk cookies,

    some good chocolates he likes

    a few vitamin waters (he always has them in the fridge and on sunday when I went over I noticed he was completely out) a

    and then some good special rawhides to keep his two dogs busy with something and not bugging him!

    I also included a few funny comics/blurbs I ran across during the day and a nice note.

    I was going to include a starbucks coffee card or something (he has to wake up at 4:30 on thursday to drive north with his business partner!) but forgot.
     

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