Political Jokes! Yay!

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by Wotan31, Sep 24, 2008.

  1. Wotan31 macrumors 6502

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    #1
    Ok, I'll start. Lets keep this light and humerous:
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    A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

    The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.'

    She rolled her eyes and said, 'You must be a Republican.'

    'I am,' replied the man. 'How did you know?'

    'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me.'

    The man smiled and responded, 'You must be a Democrat.'

    'I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?'

    'Well,' said the man, 'you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.
     
  2. Wotan31 thread starter macrumors 6502

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    #2
    I was talking to a friend of mine's little girl, and she was talking babble about wanting to be President.

    Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

    She replied, "I'd give houses to all the homeless people."

    "Wow - what a worthy goal." I told her, "You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house."

    She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

    And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."
     
  3. voxnj macrumors regular

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    #4
    You want a good political joke, you need to look no farther than photos of the Belignorant Barracuda and her silly side-kick.
     
  4. scotthayes macrumors 68000

    scotthayes

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    #5
    For years, a young attourney had been taking vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed to have sex with the innkeeper's daughter.

    The next time he arrived, he was looking forward to an exciting few days. He dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap.

    "Helen, why didn't you write when you learnt you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would've rushed up here, we could've gotten married, & the baby would have my name!" "Well," she said. "When my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night thinking & talking, & we decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a republican."
     
  5. Cave Man macrumors 604

    Cave Man

    #6
    It's ok that you're a Republican and I'm a Democrat.
    We can still be friends.
    I'll even kiss your elephant, if you'll kiss my ass.
     
  6. freeny macrumors 68020

    freeny

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    #7
    assuming this joke is implying that republicans create jobs for everyone, why dont they actually do that?
     
  7. TheAnswer macrumors 68030

    TheAnswer

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    #8
    The simple moral of the story is that Republicans expect people to work to earn their money and become very attached to their money once they work to earn it.

    The telling part is what happens when you ask them to apply the moral of this story to things like Wall Street welfare. That's different. :rolleyes:
     
  8. atszyman macrumors 68020

    atszyman

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    #9
    Did you leave their house and go make that offer to the homeless guy? If not why not? He's not just going to come randomly to your house and ask to do your yardwork for $50. If you were willing to pay the kid to do it and yet did not make the offer to the homeless guy, how do you know that he's not willing to work his ass of to try and improve his situation?

    You're trying to plant the idea that the homeless guy is homeless because he doesn't want to work and yet, I don't see any evidence of that, since I doubt you made him the offer to work for you.
     
  9. James17 macrumors 6502

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  10. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

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    #11
    Never mind about that. The person is actively encouraging and recruiting child labour! :eek: ;)


    Not even Lembit Öpik takes himself seriously.

    As for Harriet Harman, where do I start?
     
  11. atszyman macrumors 68020

    atszyman

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    #12
    OK, since I derailed mightily back on topic:

    John Kerry walks into a bar.

    Bartender looks up and says, "why the long face?"

    ba-dum-ching!
     
  12. James17 macrumors 6502

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    #13
    Just wondering can you explain what you think is wrong with her?
     
  13. nick9191 macrumors 68040

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  14. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

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    #15

    She's a mediocre politician - very much in keeping with standard of the current cabinet - who has been promoted beyond her talents. And if we are to believe the rumours, she believes that she could run the country. God help us.

    Watching her performance on last weeks Question Time was embarrassing. I very nearly almost felt sorry for her.
     
  15. James17 macrumors 6502

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    #16
    I watched that debate last Thursday. I thought she done well considering she was the only representative from the ruling government on the panel and this usually means they receive a great deal of criticism and slant. All of that constant focus on the labour leadership really annoyed me, even on that program there was no escaping it. I hope Gordon's excellent speech puts that speculation to bed and lets him and his cabinet get on with what they're paid to do!
     
  16. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

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    #17

    We'll have to agree to disagree on that opinion! ;) :)
     
  17. James17 macrumors 6502

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    #18
    OK then but please don't tell me you're a Cameron supporter? :( :eek:
     
  18. Aranince macrumors 65816

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    #19
    Its not that hard to walk into an establishment and ask for a job...
     
  19. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #20
    Right, people are homeless because they don't try.

    Hey, homeless people, forget any psychological or mental problems you may have, forget any serious physical problems you may have, you're homeless because you don't try.
     
  20. atszyman macrumors 68020

    atszyman

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    #21
    And how do you know that he didn't do so at many places and get turned down due to his appearance?

    The post was a subtle attempt to push the idea that he was homeless because he didn't want to work into the head of a 6 year old. Without making that same $50 offer to the homeless guy there is no evidence that he was refusing work that could be used to better his situation.
     
  21. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

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    #22
    Good grief, no! :eek:

    I fear that after the next election it will be a case of out of the frying pan...
     
  22. Aranince macrumors 65816

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    #23
    I'm willing to bet that crowd of mentally or physically challenged homeless people is small, and the amount of people not willing to try/work is much larger. Its human nature to be lazy.
     
  23. it5five macrumors 65816

    it5five

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    #24
    Willing to bet?

    So you don't have any evidence to back up your claim? It's just your natural selfishness and complete lack of compassion for other human beings that reinforce your belief?

    You clearly have absolutely no idea what it is like to be homeless if you think some people choose to live a life on the streets. The least you could do is read into the issue, read about real causes (laziness isn't one, by the way), and the effects of being homeless.
     
  24. Aranince macrumors 65816

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    #25
    We should be compassionate, and we should help homeless folk. That should be up to the person who works for the money, not the government. If people don't want to help out those less privileged, shame on them for not helping out.

    Your right, I don't know what its like to be homeless. People CHOOSE not to try not to get an education. They choose not to try to get a job. If laziness is not one of the reasons, you are sadly misled on human nature.
     

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