Predator Magazine poll votes AlphaWolf, "Most Admired Predator of the Year"!

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by freebooter, Mar 4, 2010.

  1. freebooter macrumors 65816

    freebooter

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Daegu, South Korea
    #1
    Predator Magazine poll votes AlphaWolf, "Most Admired Predator of the Year"!
    exclusive to SheepLuvAlpha.com
    March 5, 2010
    For the fifth year running, AlphaWolf (formerly AlphaWolf Pack) has clamped its steely jaws around the juicy neck of Predator Magazine's Most Admired Predator of the Year Award.
    Leading predators interviewed by our crack team of howler monkeys cited Alpha's creative luring techniques, continued innovation in encircling, and brilliant, "sheep's-clothing" image-building that has prey literally lined up outside AlphaWolf dens throughout the forest, jostling for the privilege of being one the first to be consumed.
    "That's prey management at its best!", gushed a young, starry eyed cougar watching from a nearby tree. Long strings of salivation formed a small pool on the ground below as she continued, "Steve Alpha's ability to recruit only the best wolves for his pack is a key to his forest food-chain dominance. I'm no she-wolf, but with Steve A. as head, AlphaWolf is welcome in my portfolio any time." A passing snake hissed, "And don't forget Alpha'sss aggresssssive kill outsssourcing. That'sss how Alpha can sssussstain sssuch a healthy ressserve of fat and yet remain nimble in the ecosssyssstem."
    The reaction of sheep over at AlphaRumors.com to AlphaWolf's win was generally upbeat and at times surprisingly proud. "With our ample, fatty flesh, slow feet and poor eyesight, we are a highly coveted prey. Real sheep demand to be eaten only by the best!" commented one fuzzy Alpha fan. Another wrote, "With so many sheep switching from bears (slow+ buggy+virius-prone=sux) and lynx (tee-hee!), I expect fully half the flock to "Be Eaten, Different" by the end of hunting season 2014."
    Other comments weren't so sanguine, "Alpha's gonna go hungry one of these winters, mark my words. With the dry weather (major drought, more like) food is scarce all over. We prey are starting to see through all the shiny white teeth and glossy pelts." Another added, "Face it. The new iBite is just a slightly deadlier version of the iPounce and iChomp. And with no built-in camera, you can't even shoot a video of yourself being devoured. Alpha's losin' it. Biggy time! ROTF LMAO"
    AlphaWolf's stock has risen 22% since their recent, triumphal announcement of the much anticipated iBite, expected to be first employed in the coming weeks. Some sheep have already made plans to camp out all night at an AlphaWolf den to be the first "iBitten".
    Sporting his trademark, jet black pelt, iconic founder and CEO of AlphaWolf, Steve Alpha barked to a packed audience of enthusiastic scavengers, howler monkeys and prey at last month's AlphaWolf's iBite gala release party, "Day after day, tearing flesh, cracking bone and lapping up sweet, sweet blood is what we do, and we do it well. So do a lot of other predators." Bearing striking pink gums and remarkably sharp teeth, Steve A. snarled confidently, "But, over the long term, season after season, building prey loyalty is the only sure way to a really fat belly. AlphaWolf has got a damn fine belly!" Lurching onto his hind legs, Steve A. showed the audience his swollen abdomen and hairy "iZone". "Look how big we are now-oooo!", he howled erectly.
    On four legs again, advancing, a slavering, passionate leer on his quivering lips, Steve A gently added with disarming un-grammar, "I love you prey. You're the delicious-est!"
    A soft, resigned sigh passed through the audience, like a welcome last breath, and silence descended over the hall as the music of Cold Play faded with the lights to black emptiness.
    Filling their minds, ever closer, all the prey could see were Steve Alpha's intense, hypnotic, glowing red eyes...
     
  2. MacDawg macrumors P6

    MacDawg

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  3. Ttownbeast macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    May 10, 2009
    #3
    Best probably not to ask--it's probably drug induced....I wonder where I can get some of whatever they smokin :D
     
  4. freebooter thread starter macrumors 65816

    freebooter

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2005
    Location:
    Daegu, South Korea

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