So how progressive are you? Relationships

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by niuniu, Aug 9, 2012.

  1. niuniu macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #1
    Situation - A couple, man and woman, unmarried and live together. Man doesn't want a child, but the woman does. But they both want to stay together. A few streets away is a really nice single man, career type, has cash he doesn't know what to do with. He desperately would love a child and he knows he'd make a good father. Thing is he's gay and hasn't been lucky finding a stable partner.


    Solution - The couple stay a couple, but the woman outsources her need for a child to the gay neighbour. The child lives with the gay man and she sees the kid daily, sometimes all three even hang out together with the kid. For the most part it's the woman and gay man that raise the child.


    My justification - knowing that these relationships happen naturally anyway, where women have children to a partner then split and find a new partner. Often this happens with several fathers to the same woman. The children grow up healthy and fine. It's the quality of their care, not the setup of the family that matters.

    Thought I'd put it out there to see how progressive folk really are. I'm actually good with the situation, and would personally be quite happy for my girlfriend to have her kid with a live-out man.
     
  2. dukebound85 macrumors P6

    dukebound85

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    #3
    How easy is it for a gay guy to arouse himself via a female?

    Why would he not just adopt?

    Do you plan on nobody ever moving away?

    This is a strange scenario
     
  3. NickZac macrumors 68000

    NickZac

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    #4
    The first guy, the heterosexual one, would probably not be able to tolerate the sexual jealousy even if the impregnantion did not involve penetration. And then you have one of the biggest life events in which your spouse is going through with someone else...which will likely change her attachment level to her partner. I think that childrearing plan would end poorly. With that said, my thought on that has nothing to do with the second guy being gay; empirical evidence suggests homosexual couples make equally good parents as heterosexual ones.
     
  4. niuniu, Aug 9, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2012

    niuniu thread starter macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #5
    You mean, 'wat'.


    Actual conception isn't problematic they can do it artificially.

    Adoption might not be easy for a single gay man.

    Yes, the parties may in time move away.

    Maybe you consider it strange, I would consider it a modern solution to a problem.
     
  5. \-V-/ Suspended

    \-V-/

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    #6
    My brain just exploded. Is this the kind of thing you think about at night or is this a real scenario happening right now with someone you know?
     
  6. niuniu thread starter macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #7
    Agreed, I don't think sexuality of the father makes any difference, but many of them do want kids and struggle to get one.

    I remember a situation with a friend in London where she was pregnant to her ex (after a one night thing after breakup). She was going to go through the pregnancy experience with her new partner.. they're still together now afaik so he must have been able to deal with it. There are similarities there to this..

    ----------

    Oh no it came up at dinner. Turns out only I thought it was okay..
     
  7. yg17 macrumors G5

    yg17

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    #8
    As a progressive, I frankly wouldn't care what a few consenting adults want to do, and I would have no problem with a single gay dad raising the child.

    Now, if it was my wife/girlfriend, would I want her doing that? Probably not. But if 3 other adults can agree on it, it's fine by me. Heck, maybe the husband is into cuckold and it's a way to kill two birds with one stone :D
     
  8. Huntn macrumors G5

    Huntn

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    #9
    It might work. It might not. I don't have a problem with it, if the participants don't.
     
  9. rdowns macrumors Penryn

    rdowns

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  10. niuniu thread starter macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #11
    Learned something new today :eek::D
     
  11. fox10078 macrumors 6502

    fox10078

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    #12
    A rather odd situation but I can have no objections
     
  12. AhmedFaisal Guest

    #13
    Sure, why not? so long as everyone is cool with it and they sorted out the pesky details such as financials etc. beforehand, I see no issue.
     
  13. MorphingDragon, Aug 9, 2012
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2012

    MorphingDragon macrumors 603

    MorphingDragon

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    #14
    I see no issue, but then I've never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

    Ever. :(
     
  14. leftywamumonkey macrumors 6502a

    leftywamumonkey

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    #15
    Outsourcing a baby? I never thought we would be outsourcing jobs and babies. :confused:

    I guess it could work, but I'm not sure how the heterosexual man in the relationship will like his female partner spending so much time with her, but not his baby, leaving him feeling neglected.
     
  15. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6

    ucfgrad93

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  16. Mac'nCheese macrumors 68030

    Mac'nCheese

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    #17
    Welcome to romney's america.
     
  17. niuniu thread starter macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #18
    Goddamn. Forgot my <no Walo> tags :D
     
  18. citizenzen macrumors 65816

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    #19
    I also never wanted children, and somehow got lucky and never produced any offspring.

    However, if my wife desperately wanted a child, I'd want to be the father and caretaker of that child. I would give up my personal desire to remain childless in order to give my wife what she wanted most.

    ----------

    Truly for this heterosexual, if the fertilization was done in vitro, I'd have no problem with it.

    Though it does help that the other dude is gay.

    ;)

    ----------

    Agreed.

    They already do all kinds of crazy ****.

    This wouldn't be the craziest.

    ----------

    Dude. Serious?

    I feel for you. It's got to be the strongest urge we have ... that we're given free reign to experience. You're obviously a very intelligent and well spoken person. Why haven't you?
     
  19. Scepticalscribe Contributor

    Scepticalscribe

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    #20
    A small question occurs, because I have seen somewhat similar situations (fortunately, as an observer, not as a participant). Is the heterosexual male's position that he doesn't want to have children per se, or that he doesn't want to have children with this particular woman?

    I have seen cases where men claimed they didn't want children, only for them to happily have children with a (much younger) woman several months/years later after the original relationship ended....within an astonishingly short time, too...

    However, re the above situation, as postulated by the OP, if all of the consenting adults are fine with it, and think they can adapt to the almost inevitable issues (commitment, control etc.) that may arise, well, of course, then, whose business is it, other than theirs?
     
  20. citizenzen macrumors 65816

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    #21
    That's because he wants the much younger woman.

    A child is a price he is willing to pay to keep the sweet young thing.
     
  21. Gelfin macrumors 68020

    Gelfin

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    #22
    I wouldn't want to do it, but I know people who might, and it's up to them, and I wouldn't judge them for it.
     
  22. niuniu thread starter macrumors 68020

    niuniu

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    #23
    I figured he was jokin' about that.. he's too mature and articulate to not be able to charm a suitable mate..


    Never really considered that on a personal level.. if I'd be more inclined to have kids with a different partner. I wonder if there's some evolutionary trigger that tells us that our partner would be a good mother. I'm certain women have one for men.
     
  23. MorphingDragon macrumors 603

    MorphingDragon

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    #24
    I dunno, it's just never happened. When I grew up I lived in the middle of nowhere and had to drop out of school early. Nothings happened during University.
     
  24. 184550 Guest

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    May 8, 2008
    #25
    Do I find anything 'wrong' with the situation? No. Do I think it would work? No.

    Try reading his posts. It'll become crystal clear.
     

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