Social Question from "I Love You, Man"

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by gkarris, Apr 6, 2009.

  1. gkarris macrumors 604

    gkarris

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    #1
    Hey, went to see the movie "I Love You, Man".

    Great movie, lots of fun. Unfortunately, I related to it (had to stand up at a guy's wedding, all he had was his fiancee and his best guy friend and no one else, but his fiancee had a lot of bridesmaids so he had to come up with some guys to stand - what a waste of my time and money...).

    Question is the movie talked about a "Girlfriend Guy" - I actually know a few of those guys. When a guy only has girlfriends, but no guy friends whatsoever.

    What do you call a guy who has guy friends ONLY when he has no girlfriends? I know someone like that. He hangs with us when not dating, but doesn't give us the time of day when he is.

    The thing is now he's kinda serious with someone, and he is sort of hanging out with us (but she's with us or she's busy with work, etc.), only because his girlfriend sees relationships as important (kinda like what the ladies talked about in the movie, regarding a guy with no guy friends).

    Looks like it may be really serious, and he may ask me to be Best Man, which makes me feel uncomfortable. Now, what? :(

    He's probably out of our lives after the wedding... :eek:

    Thanks!
     
  2. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #2
    I usually call those guys "a**holes" or "s***y friends". I can't stand guys who do that. They only need you if they aren't in a relationship, and that's beyond rude. If he asks you though, go ahead and do it, but do the absolute minimum possible, then send the jerk on his way. That actually happened to me with one friend of mine years ago. I have not seen him since I was in his wedding.
     
  3. gkarris thread starter macrumors 604

    gkarris

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    #3
    LOL...

    Lee, that's the "old school" term (the one that comes to my mind...) :D

    I was wondering if there's a new sort of 21st century term. I found "Man Date" to be sort of funny...

    Thanks for your advice, as always, you make a lot of sense... :eek:
     
  4. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #4
    Well, there's no sense saying anything to him about it. He won't understand your frustration. Guys like that never do. So even if we make up a name for them, they still won't get it, much less care.
     
  5. Tomorrow macrumors 604

    Tomorrow

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    #5
    I haven't seen the movie - what was the gist of the movie's take on the "girlfriend guy"? Reason I'm asking is I may be that guy - I have plenty of girl friends (not girlfriends), but no real guy friends.

    (BTW my wife and I married in Vegas with no family or friends present, so the "best man" issue never came up!)
     
  6. gkarris thread starter macrumors 604

    gkarris

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    #6
    Thanks for sharing.

    Well the gist of the movie, as far as my take, is that he was marrying someone who has a lot of girl friends and valued time with them, and that guys who only have girl friends tend to be "clingy husbands".

    I know a guy who's like this, to the point that any relationship with any guy and other than his Wife is "homosexual"... :eek:
    He gets jealous and angry when she wants to spend time with her friends or her family and he "can't go along..." He has no real guy friends.

    But, all relationships are different. I've seen guys marry someone who don't have any friends either, and only have "each other"...
     
  7. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #7
    Man Date is actually pretty good, but it'd not nearly mean enough.

    How 'bout this acronym? "Friend Unless Chick is Kickin"? Sorry if that's against the rules, but I think it would be a great acronym for guys like this. Mods- delete if inappropriate.
     
  8. gkarris thread starter macrumors 604

    gkarris

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    #8
    ^^^ No I mean the term "Man Date" to now call it when two straight guys go out... never had a term before...
     
  9. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #9
    Ah- well, I still think I came up with a good name for your sometimes friend. :)
     
  10. gkarris thread starter macrumors 604

    gkarris

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    #10
    ^^^ yeah...

    How about "girlfriend-less friend"? :eek:

    G/F-LF :D
     
  11. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #11
    I still think if you look at the letters I capitalized in mine, it's a bit more nasty. You kind of kill two birds with one stone. :)
     
  12. gkarris thread starter macrumors 604

    gkarris

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    #12
    maybe with the word, "Dumb" in front... ;)
     
  13. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #13
    Ha! I would have to agree. :D
     
  14. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

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    #14
    Some people do it intentionally, but sometimes it happens because a person gets kind of drawn in by their SO. I had one girlfriend years ago who really isolated me from my friends in a very insidious way. I'm not usually like that at all, but when I stopped talking to her, I suddenly realized all my friends were gone and I had to go re-find them....

    EDIT: And man-dates rock. I went on man dates with my best friend all the time when we both still lived in Michigan.
     
  15. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #15
    That's a different situation though. The kind of person we're talking about does it with alarming regularity, and does not learn from their mistakes.
     
  16. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

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    #16
    I know some such man-whores also...
     
  17. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #17
    I've known a few too many.
     
  18. drewsof07 macrumors 68000

    drewsof07

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    #18
    As have I. Although I find it equally (if not more) annoying when you have a guy in your group of friends who is the "drama queen" and always around constantly bitching about his woman, all while being with her for 3 years lol Maybe he thinks he is impressing someone? :rolleyes:
     
  19. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

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    #19
    I think men are just less tolerant of this behavior than women -- for I know many women who make a career out of this behavior. I think those who find it very easy to nest in stable relationships (or very easy to not miss their lacking) should not be too judgmental.
     
  20. Gelfin macrumors 68020

    Gelfin

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    #20
    Yeah, in particular when it turns out that isolation is covering up the fact that they all despise your SO, that should be a hint. I once got pointedly not-invited to a wedding I still really would rather have attended (and at that point in the travesty would have gladly forgone my "plus-one" anyway) as a result of who I was dating at the time.

    But, yeah, I do also have the friend in my little circle for whom we all sort of roll our eyes and accept that when he's involved with somebody, he just vanishes off the Earth until she's off traveling or doing something with her friends. We've tried hinting that we like her (and we actually do), and that she's welcome, but to little avail. I don't think he's an a*****e, or even that he means to snub anybody. For me he's just a part of that little group of pseudo-family you pick up in college and over the years just come to understand and accept them warts and all.

    I'm set to be his best man in a few months too, as it turns out.
     
  21. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #21
    Well- to each his own, I suppose. But I honestly have no patience for that kind of thing. IMO- it's inconsiderate and shows that person really has no respect for my friendship. And no- I don't think those people are being malicious, just thoughtless.
     
  22. iBlue macrumors Core

    iBlue

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    #22
    I've never seen the film but I've known people like this from all aspects. Several years back I had a friend who was like my best friend when she was single, then she'd have a boyfriend and suddenly she was a lot less available. I suppose that happens but to me I thought it was a part of her co-dependency and need to cling to someone for fear of being alone. She was a good person, just a bit odd in her relationships with people in general.

    I've known guys who only seem to have girl friends and I don't know what to make of it. I do notice that these guys seem very prone to being manipulated and taken for granted. <shrug>

    I'm a bit of an oddball myself in that I tend to prefer male friends to female ones because I am often left with knife wounds in my back from past girl friendships. To be fair, I've done it back a couple times and I'm not proud of it. I find women to be frighteningly catty and evil sometimes. With men it's a bit more straightforward and I typically appreciate that. Plus male friendships appeal to my tomboy side.


    Generally speaking I think anyone who is only your friend on their terms (whatever they may be) is a crappy friend, or perhaps in an unhealthy relationship.
     

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