Teacher to Marry former student


Makosuke

macrumors 603
Aug 15, 2001
6,149
341
The Cool Part of CA, USA
I can well understand the emotions involved on both sides of this relationship, although 13 is way the heck too young to be doing that kind of stuff with your teacher (or anybody else, at least if you ask me).

What baffles me is, if they really did feel that way about each other, why they couldn't wait a few years. If you really intend to spend the rest of your life with somebody, and you're planning on something as socially unacceptable as courting your own 13 year old student, you'd think anybody with a speck of sense would maybe wait a few years to make sure he's really the one (not to mention keep yourself out of jail). At least hold out till he's finished with puberty!

There's about the same age difference between my wife and I as these two, and although I was interested in her when I was 16, I had the good sense to wait until I was legal to go after her in earnest. In the grand scheme of things, a couple of years is no big deal--throw some ice on it!
 

Abstract

macrumors Penryn
Dec 27, 2002
24,378
110
Location Location Location
"He said, 'How old do you think you're going to be when you die?' And I said, 'Oh well, I'll probably be 100, like my grandmother,' and he said, 'Well, then I'm going to be 80 when I die, because I'm not living another day, on this Earth, without you.' "

.....

But she says her resistance faded. LeTourneau says the affair began with a single incident — a kiss. "I thought, ''That's OK, but it's not going to go any further.' "

Not long after that initial kiss, the two had sex.
That kid got game.
 

Chappers

macrumors 68020
Aug 12, 2003
2,247
1
At home
This is child sex abuse and yet she gets an interview on TV. I wonder if the few views already aired here would be different if the teacher was a man making babies with a 13 year old girl.
 

wdlove

macrumors P6
Oct 20, 2002
16,570
0
Chappers said:
This is child sex abuse and yet she gets an interview on TV. I wonder if the few views already aired here would be different if the teacher was a man making babies with a 13 year old girl.
There would be no TV interview, he would be in prison. Barbara Walters is certainly going out on a low note. Once upon a time she actually covered the news.
 

rainman::|:|

macrumors 603
Feb 2, 2002
5,438
2
iowa
While this started under less than favorable conditions-- 13 year olds are too young to date people this age, if they're even old enough to date at all (keep in mind, a lot of 13 year olds are having sex with each other)-- he's old enough now, she did her time, the damage has been done. These people have two children and they want to be together after the whole lengthy mess, why argue? I hope they're happy together, something that's increasingly rare.

paul
 

applemacdude

macrumors 68040
Mar 26, 2001
3,246
0
Over The Rainbow
paulwhannel said:
While this started under less than favorable conditions-- 13 year olds are too young to date people this age, if they're even old enough to date at all (keep in mind, a lot of 13 year olds are having sex with each other)-- he's old enough now, she did her time, the damage has been done. These people have two children and they want to be together after the whole lengthy mess, why argue? I hope they're happy together, something that's increasingly rare.

paul
I know kids that had sex at age 9.......I dont know how so dont ask. Its just and east oakland thing.....
 

wdlove

macrumors P6
Oct 20, 2002
16,570
0
applemacdude said:
I know kids that had sex at age 9.......I dont know how so dont ask. Its just and east oakland thing.....
Of course now it has to be ask, what is the definition of the sex. At that age it is more investigation. Like playing the game of doctor. Otherwise the boy would be very mature physically for his age. :D

For the sake of the chidren, I also hope that they will be happy. Hopefully they have both grown up and matured.
 

Xenious

macrumors 6502a
Mar 22, 2004
674
41
Texas, USA
paulwhannel said:
While this started under less than favorable conditions-- 13 year olds are too young to date people this age, if they're even old enough to date at all (keep in mind, a lot of 13 year olds are having sex with each other)-- he's old enough now, she did her time, the damage has been done. These people have two children and they want to be together after the whole lengthy mess, why argue? I hope they're happy together, something that's increasingly rare.
I agree. Now its just a bunch of uppity people (read: community) moaning about nothing. What she did was wrong in her position of authority and due to his young age. She did her time and now thats done. Hell I wouldn't consider her a community danger because she wants to marry the guy. Obviously they have strong feelings and if they can be happy then boo ya. Fly the wicked middle finger of fate to the frickin community! I'd say if the court won't lift the ban then its a violation of her civil rights (his too)!
 

haiggy

macrumors 65816
Aug 20, 2003
1,309
51
Ontario, Canada
Quite odd thread...

This is quite an odd thread considering this is basically how my parents met. lol My dad was a teacher at my mom's school (he never taught her) but he did teach her sisters. Apparently a lot of teachers were doing the same thing at that school. So they have an 8 year difference... it's not that bad - there are people with bigger gaps. It's definately a different case when the student is 13 and male because generally (I know this is a stereotype) the male is the older one of the two. Now this story is different seeing as she was already married and a mother. Unacceptable.
 

wdlove

macrumors P6
Oct 20, 2002
16,570
0
virividox said:
i just dont see why the press keeps bringing this up
Because it it this kind of story that sells in our society. It is all about making money. News is now a business to make money. The days os it being to inform is over at least on commercial TV.
 

rueyeet

macrumors 65816
Jun 10, 2003
1,070
0
MD
paulwhannel said:
While this started under less than favorable conditions.....he's old enough now, she did her time, the damage has been done. These people have two children and they want to be together after the whole lengthy mess, why argue? I hope they're happy together, something that's increasingly rare.
I'm with you. If they stuck it out through her sentence and his majority, and they're now both consenting adults, it's no longer any of our business, whether we approve or not.

That said, I don't think it's accurate to say that a 13-year old is supposed to be a tender innocent with no interest in sex. There's a perception in our society that sexuality suddenly switches on at puberty, and it's simply not so. While the more adult parts of it like relationships and consequences don't enter into things until later, any kid who bothers finds out pretty early on what feels good, and has a great deal of curiosity about at least the mechanics of sex. And thanks to school playgrounds and the modern media, they find out earlier these days....as Eminiem puts it, they have the Discovery channel, don't they?

The description of the development of this relationship sounds to me like a case of a 13 year old who was maybe a bit more mature for his age, and a 34-year old who was maybe a lot LESS mature for hers, personally.
 

slughead

macrumors 68040
Apr 28, 2004
3,105
234
rueyeet said:
That said, I don't think it's accurate to say that a 13-year old is supposed to be a tender innocent with no interest in sex. There's a perception in our society that sexuality suddenly switches on at puberty, and it's simply not so. While the more adult parts of it like relationships and consequences don't enter into things until later, any kid who bothers finds out pretty early on what feels good, and has a great deal of curiosity about at least the mechanics of sex. And thanks to school playgrounds and the modern media, they find out earlier these days....as Eminiem puts it, they have the Discovery channel, don't they?
I've talked with a couple people from horticultural societies who've moved to the US, they're baffled by this conservative sex deal.

One of the guys was married at 14. Other than monogamy, there weren't really any sexual regulations.

Sex was just a thing you do, it wasn't this controversial thing.

Tribes that supported sexual deviancy eventually just died out via evolution (can't have kids if you're raping boys all day :eek: ).

Sorry for the crassness but... it's a reality.

[edit: I studied a tribe in New Guinea that, right before marriage, the young male is forced to perform fellatio*on his future uncle in law. However, that was the only real homosexual act that was common. It was seen as a right of passage sort of thing, like a bar mitzvah but gross.]
 

rainman::|:|

macrumors 603
Feb 2, 2002
5,438
2
iowa
rueyeet said:
That said, I don't think it's accurate to say that a 13-year old is supposed to be a tender innocent with no interest in sex. There's a perception in our society that sexuality suddenly switches on at puberty, and it's simply not so. While the more adult parts of it like relationships and consequences don't enter into things until later, any kid who bothers finds out pretty early on what feels good, and has a great deal of curiosity about at least the mechanics of sex. And thanks to school playgrounds and the modern media, they find out earlier these days....as Eminiem puts it, they have the Discovery channel, don't they?

The description of the development of this relationship sounds to me like a case of a 13 year old who was maybe a bit more mature for his age, and a 34-year old who was maybe a lot LESS mature for hers, personally.
I do agree, at least with the fundamental... Isolating children from normal sexual development has lead to a big problem with the subject in America, and we wonder why. In the old days, in just about every civilization, the whole family slept in the same bed, and you can bet the parents weren't too shy about adding to the family. Today, parents are outraged because their 12-year-olds saw a nipple on TV for slightly less than one second.

But, while apart from society children do experience sexual development that could include a relationship like this, I don't think it can occur within society (and it's inhibitions) without their being either a) an ulterior motive or b) harm to one/both of the people involved (which is what happened here).

Most parents don't want to even acknowledge that their children know the *word* sex until they're about 15, when they have "the talk". This is why there is so much teenage pregnancy and disease. When kids begin having sex around 10-14 (that sounds alarming, but that doesn't mean you can ignore it) and you wait until years later to have the talk, so that you can preserve the ideal that you were raised under, you're being selfish and a bad parent, IMHO. Anyway, i digress...

paul
 

Chappers

macrumors 68020
Aug 12, 2003
2,247
1
At home
They maybe happy now but thats not the point - she sexually abused a child (yes a child) and now she's almost a celebrity because of it.

If it was your child how would your feel?

Just because he's a boy doesn't change things.
 

Brize

macrumors 6502a
Jun 13, 2004
732
0
Europe
Chappers said:
she sexually abused a child (yes a child)
Only if you see everything in black and white. There's a massive grey area between sexual abuse proper and statutory rape. Their sexual relationship was clearly consensual, and would have been perfectly legal in many countries.

Chappers said:
If it was your child how would your feel?
I'd far rather that my child be affected by a loving sexual relationship than by drugs, crime, emotional abuse, etc. Laws such as the age of consent are designed to protect the majority; they can't reasonably account for everyone and there will always be exceptions. Sure, their sexual relationship was technically illegal in the US, but I'm guessing that this boy was pretty mature for his age (emotionally and physically). The fact that they've been able to sustain their relationship for eight years is probably a fair indication that nothing was amiss in the first place.
 

slughead

macrumors 68040
Apr 28, 2004
3,105
234
Brize said:
I'd far rather that my child be affected by a loving sexual relationship than by drugs, crime, emotional abuse, etc. Laws such as the age of consent are designed to protect the majority; they can't reasonably account for everyone and there will always be exceptions. Sure, their sexual relationship was technically illegal in the US, but I'm guessing that this boy was pretty mature for his age (emotionally and physically). The fact that they've been able to sustain their relationship for eight years is probably a fair indication that nothing was amiss in the first place.
I'd agree with that. If I'd had a girlfriend through high school I wouldn't have been such a little bastard.

It was partly things like sex-ed class: the teacher telling all the guys not to touch a girl because if you get her pregnant then we'll get thrown in jail or something (I donno, that's what I got out of it, I was only 11 at the time :X). The teacher would just yell at us for an hour like we'd already done something wrong. We had to read aloud from the sex-ed book and if we laughed or became uncomfortable we were thrown out of the room.
 

Chappers

macrumors 68020
Aug 12, 2003
2,247
1
At home
Brize said:
Only if you see everything in black and white. There's a massive grey area between sexual abuse proper and statutory rape. Their sexual relationship was clearly consensual, and would have been perfectly legal in many countries.
She was in a position of responsibility and abused it, she had sex with a child. It doesn't come more black and white than that. Many children have what they think is consensual sex with adults - but it isn't - it's sexual abuse. Which countries allow this legally ?



Brize said:
I'd far rather that my child be affected by a loving sexual relationship than by drugs, crime, emotional abuse, etc. Laws such as the age of consent are designed to protect the majority; they can't reasonably account for everyone and there will always be exceptions. Sure, their sexual relationship was technically illegal in the US, but I'm guessing that this boy was pretty mature for his age (emotionally and physically). The fact that they've been able to sustain their relationship for eight years is probably a fair indication that nothing was amiss in the first place.
Sexual abuse is about the abuse of love and power and it messes kids up thats why its illegal. You guess the boy was mature - sorry but you're guessing and 13 year olds are not mature enough to comprehend these situations. Your agument ends up sending the message that a child molestor can say 'Hey I thought it would work out in the end and we'd get married and stuff so it can't be sexual abuse'.
The law is there to protect the innocent and vulnerable.
Wheres your limit?
I suspect that this is still about it being a boy not a girl.