The funny emails thread

Discussion in 'Community' started by King Cobra, Mar 15, 2004.

  1. King Cobra macrumors 603

    Mar 2, 2002
    So earlier today I got my University email account settled, and I came upon this particular email from: Dr. Aku Bia. It goes as follows:

    Date Sat, 6 Dec 2003 23:31:46 +0100
    From "Dr.Aku Bia" <>
    Subject {SPAM?}

    Bank Of Africa
    Bank Of Africa House
    --- -------- -------
    Benin Republiqic


    Dear Sir,

    I belive this will come to you as a surprise but go thrught it and know why i contacted you, i decided to contact you base that you will be honest with me for this urgent transaction which is 100%risk free.I am the Manager of Bill and Exchange of the foreign operation department of Bank Of Africa Sarl Cotonou Republic-Du- Benin.

    In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $5.8Million
    Dollars( Five Million, Eight Hundred thousand United States
    Dollars Only) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer
    who died in November 2001 in a plane crash. Since we got information
    about his death, we have been expecting his Next of Kin to come over
    and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as Next of Kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines,unfortunately we learn that all his supposed Next of Kin or relations died along with him at the plane crash leaving nobody with the knowledge of this funds behind for the claim.

    It is therefore upon this discovery that I and two other senior
    officials in the department now decided to make business with you sinc the man is from your country so that we can release the money to you as the Next of Kin or a relation of the deceased for safety keeping and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we dont want this money to go back into Federal Government Account as Unclaimed
    The Banking Law and guidelines here stipulated that if such money
    remained unclaimed after four years the money would be transferred into
    the Banking treasury as unclaimed fund.

    The request of a foreigner as Next of Kin in this business is
    occasioned by the fact that the customer was foreigner and a Benin cannot stand as a Next of Kin to a foreigner.We agreed that 25% percent (Negotiable) of this money will be for you as foreign partner.Thereafter my two other colleagues and I will visit your country for the disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Please be honest to me. Therefore, to enable the immediate transfer of the fund to you as arranged you must apply first to the Bank as relation or Next of Kin of the deceased.
    Upon receipt of your reply I will send to you the "Text of the
    Application" with the Name of the Deceased and his country and other
    information about him.

    Note: This transaction is confidential/risk free. As soon as you
    receive this mail, you should contact me at once through the above stated confidential, E-mail address.

    Thanks, Trusting to hear from you immediately.

    Yours sincerely

    Dr AKU BIA --- - -------
  2. OutThere macrumors 603


    Dec 19, 2002
    I always find it amusing when viruses send emails with subjects like this:

    Attached Files:

    • pic.jpg
      File size:
      32.6 KB
  3. Macmaniac macrumors 68040


    This thread is going to become the dumping ground for Spam, but what the heck, at least we get to laugh at it. Now to dig through my 500 viagra ads to pick the best :D :p ;)
  4. bennetsaysargh macrumors 68020


    Jan 20, 2003
    New York
    There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the
    action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses
    himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

    Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of
    sunglasses, how should he express himself? Think about it first
    before scrolling down for the answer...


    He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of
    :p :D ;)
  5. scem0 macrumors 604


    Jul 16, 2002
    back in NYC!
    My Korean friend told me that joke once.

    It's easy to figure out when it is written out, but when it is spoken it is hard to catch on.

  6. King Cobra thread starter macrumors 603

    Mar 2, 2002
    After a long silence from spam email...

    I just got this one...some wierdo things I'm a foreigner by the way my name is spelt (which happens to be a shortened version of a Russian name):

    Global --
    -- -- --,
    Km. 7,2. -- -- --,
    C/M --, --

    Dear Sir,

    The purpose of my writing to you is because I am searching for a foreign business partner
    who is in a position to assist me with my urgent business proposal, as time is not on my
    side. A partner, who understands what confidentiality means and who has the necessary
    facilities I require in embarking on this important venture. I decided to contact you through
    email as it is the only means I consider safe to contact you. I apologize if this is not
    acceptable to you.

    We want to transfer to abroad $US29.5m (Twenty Nine Million Five Hundred Thousand
    United States Dollars) from A Security Company, Global Securities, Spain Branch, situated in
    the above location in Spain. I am contacting you in a non official capacity.

    I am Tony Ego Bia, Accountant, Global Securities, Espana branch. During the Course Of Our
    Auditing, I discovered a floating fund in an account opened in the security Company in 1990
    and since 1993 nobody has operated on this account again. After going through some old
    files in the records, I discovered that the owner of the account died without an [Heir], Hence
    the money has been floating and if I do not remit this money out urgently it will be forfeited
    for nothing.

    The owner of this account was Mr. Michael D. Owen, a foreigner, and an Industrialist, he
    died since 1993 and no other person knows about this account or anything concerning it. The
    account has no beneficiary and my investigation proved to me as well that Mr.Michael D.
    Owen until his death was the Managing Director, Lolito Fuchs, GMBH.

    I am contacting you as a foreigner because this money can only be approved to a foreigner
    with a valid International Passport, Drivers Licence and foreign account because the money
    is in Us Dollars and the former owner of the account Mr. Michael D. Owen is a foreigner. I
    am revealing all this to you with the belief that you will never let me down in this business.
    For your active participation, I have two options of payment for you. Firstly you can choose
    to have 20% of the money for your assistance or you can go into partnership with me for the
    proper and profitable investment of the entire money in your country. Of course, the
    investment must be under your direct management and supervision. As soon as the money
    has been transferred into your account, I shall come to your country and meet you face to
    face to work out the modalities of the investments. Please notify me of your choice in your

    I have also set aside 5% of the total sum $29.5M for all kinds of expenses that may come
    our way in the process of this transaction. Please note that this 5% for expenses is not with
    me at the moment but shall be deducted from the money as soon as you have received it in
    your account.Be informed that this transaction is risk free as all modalities have been put in
    place for a hitch free transaction.

    [Now here's the best part:]
    To commence this transaction, I require you to immediately indicate your interest by a
    return e-mail to the above address and enclose your private contact telephone number, fax
    number, full name and address.Note also, that this transaction must be kept STRICTLY
    CONFIDENTIAL because of its nature.

    With friendly greetings,
    Tony Egobia

    [Dead giveaway...should I give him arn's email addresses instead?]
  7. Doctor Q Administrator

    Doctor Q

    Staff Member

    Sep 19, 2002
    Los Angeles
    But, King Cobra, Tony is depending on you!
    Don't ruin his trust by not responding as he asks! ;)
  8. edesignuk Moderator emeritus


    Mar 25, 2002
    London, England
    You know you're living in 2004 when...

    1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

    2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

    3. You have a list of 10 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

    4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.

    5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.

    6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.

    7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "0" or "9" to get an outside line.

    8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

    10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.

    11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.

    12. Agency staff out number permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.


    13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.

    14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".

    15. You got this email from a friend that hardly talks to you anymore, except to send you jokes from the net.

    16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9.

    17. You contemplate scrolling back up to check that there wasn't a No.9.

    18. And now you are laughing at yourself !

    Finally, you forward this to your friends .
  9. Giaguara macrumors 6502a

    Nov 22, 2002
    I made my bf's day last week or so...

    I sent him this link; ssy.jpg << remove the space in the last word.

    So he was wondering at work "why would she send me a link to a ..?" .. and his workmates were "I don't know but you got to click on that" ... hehe, I feel he was a bit disappointed with what he saw. :D

    (exactly what it says.. you perverts)
  10. Doctor Q Administrator

    Doctor Q

    Staff Member

    Sep 19, 2002
    Los Angeles
    Uh oh, true, true, true.

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