The Part of Life People Don't Like to Dwell On

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Huntn, Feb 5, 2010.

  1. Huntn macrumors G5

    Huntn

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    May 5, 2008
    Location:
    The Misty Mountains
    #1
    As I approach 60 years of age (currently 56) I'm starting to see the end-of-life pattern as my and my wife's parents are approaching the jumping off point. I see anger in my Mom, that she can no longer live alone and is currently being forced to live with my brother and she has stated on many occasions she wants to die. As my wife's Dad nears the end with serious health issues, I see anger in her Mom, or maybe it is just denial or the beginning of acceptance that her husband is going to die.

    So I wonder how do most people face the end of their lives? Is it with fear and anger or is it with acceptance and gratitude for being allowed to experience it? And that part of living your life is facing your death (ideally in bed, asleep)? Even I continue to think of the final reckoning as a long way off, but I hope when the time comes I can accept it calmly, not be paralyzed with fear, and enjoy those around me every minute that I can.

    I realize that most of you young whipper-snappers don't even think about it. It's like something way beyond the horizon. You think it's a long way off, but as I was talking to my son about his Grandparents I had to remind him he was only 26 years behind me. When you think in terms of a lifetime, 26 years is not that much.
     
  2. Zombie Acorn macrumors 65816

    Zombie Acorn

    Joined:
    Feb 2, 2009
    Location:
    Toronto, Ontario
    #2
    Its not something that I like to think about, but it is present in the back of my head most of the time that time is limited. I think much of the anger comes from everything changing (out of their control) and losing dignity as you get older though. I take this from my observations of a great grandmother on one side who had to be put in a nursing home, she was very angry. On the other side my great grandmother still lives by herself and is happy about life still at 100 years old.
     
  3. MyDesktopBroke macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2007
    #3
    My father is getting through it great by not retiring.

    Also, do everything you can to stay out of assisted living homes. My gran was basically murdered in one due to negligence/corruption.
     
  4. Queso macrumors G4

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2006
    #4
    I have no problem with the concept of my own death, although living after those who are important to me have gone scares me quite a bit. Death is coming to us all sooner or later, so it's best to conquer your fear of it and realise it's as much a part of life as breathing. The biggest realisation I ever made was just how much luckier we all are than the billions upon billions of possible people that never made it as far as living in the first place. When you think about it that way you can't help but feel incredibly glad that you'll die one day.
     
  5. barkomatic macrumors 68040

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    Aug 8, 2008
    Location:
    Manhattan
    #5
    I think its hard to say whether or not you'll be able to deal with death when the time comes. While we're able to rationalize it now, when we're older we may not have the capacity to understand things in the same way when we're senile. I've seen a lot of old people get angry and upset simply because they don't understand what is going on. We will probably be in the same boat if we reach a very old age. My plan is to work as long as I possibly can and try to stay calm when I'm shoved into the state home. I hope I'm able to still understand my environment when the time comes but who knows?
     
  6. NoSmokingBandit macrumors 68000

    NoSmokingBandit

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2008
    #6
    From what i have seen the smaller assisted living homes are much better than the huge complexes with hundreds of residents. My grandfather lived in one with about 20 residents and they took very good care of him. We all would have loved to have him live with us, but we just didnt have the room and the rest of my family is raging jackasses, so we really didnt have a choice.

    It probably helped that we visited him twice a week until he died, but all the nurses in the building were excellent. Assisted living can be great, but you have to be picky and make sure you find a good place.
     
  7. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

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    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #7
    I didn't have a concept about this until recently. Both sets of my grandparents are trundling along into their 80's, but one of them has developed Alzheimers. At first they moved out their home (where they lived for 55 years no less) into sheltered accommodation but as it got worse she had to be put into a carehome. Until all this happened I never thought about that time of life.
    Whilst the other set of grandparents are so very active, buying and selling property abroad, holidays every other month for a month.
    I think it depends on how problems in these ages impacts the individual. I've seen both good and bad things happen so I can't say I'm totally scared for it.
     
  8. Peace macrumors Core

    Peace

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2005
    Location:
    Space--The ONLY Frontier
    #8
    I'm 57 and I have Asbestosis. Got misdiagnosed with Mesothelioma once.

    I deal with life on a daily basis.

    Best way to live.:D
     
  9. NoSmokingBandit macrumors 68000

    NoSmokingBandit

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2008
    #9
    My grandfather had abestosis, which ultimately resulted in his death. He was 82 i think (older than 80 at least), so as long as you take care of yourself you should have nothing to worry about, Peace ;)
     
  10. Huntn thread starter macrumors G5

    Huntn

    Joined:
    May 5, 2008
    Location:
    The Misty Mountains
    #10
    I find it hard to say. What is reality and what is the illusion? This comment may get this thread moved into the religion forum, but I've said that living your life is like living in a house with no windows and a door that does not open until you die. What is outside of your house? You have no clue. If you are referring to souls, or you are open to the concept of souls, maybe the billions of souls that have not spent a life on Earth are off doing something else we can't imagine, but no less exciting.

    Death seems most attractive when you feel there is happy-time afterlife awaiting. While I'd really like to believe it, in the meantime I can hope. I'm not really talking about the Christian version of Heaven, but something. :) And you do have the consolation of knowing that every living thing has faced death before you. It's part of the deal.

    Hang in there. When it comes to faith, I don't assign much weight to what organized religion tells us, it seems like theirs a very simple explanation, something we can wrap our minds around. The reality could be so complex or so beyond our understanding, that we just don't have a clue. What gives me hope is that if the stars aligned themselves to allow your existence and you have eternity to work with, it very well could happen again. And then there is the talk of parallel universes, the possibilities are endless. :) From a philosophical standpoint when you consider your life is just a microsecond and you wonder if the purpose of your life consists of growing up, working for several decades, raising a family and then it's all over, it makes me wonder, just what is the point? Why even bother? I would sincerely hope our existence's have some meaning, something that as a consciousness we can carry forward as wisdom. I sincerely hope there is something more to this existence thing than what meets the eye. :D
     
  11. Ttownbeast macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    May 10, 2009
    #11
    The oldest living male in my family died last year at the ripe old age of 69 on the ******* average life expectancy family wide is 50 I expect I'll be at work when I drop dead in another 30 years if I take care of myself.
     
  12. dukebound85 macrumors P6

    dukebound85

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Location:
    5045 feet above sea level
    #12
    I want to be able to look back and feel i accomplished/made a difference and not just be a mindless existance

    My co-workers have told me stories of people who had all these plans once they retire, effectivly putting off living until they did retire, only to die 3 days after retiring or have tehir sig other get a terminal illness early in their retirement

    Lesson: Live for the moment as none of us know what our timeline is. I may die in a car crash tomorrow (how ironic would that be now lol)
     
  13. mscriv macrumors 601

    mscriv

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    #13
    Thinking about death is a part of life. As many have said it's one of the commonalities amongst all living things. I think your feelings about your own life will come directly from your values and belief system. You will judge your life based on what you believe to be truth. Now quality of life at the end is an entirely different thing that is dependent on individual characteristics and circumstances as well. I think the goal is dignity and contentment.
     
  14. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #14
    I'm hoping that I go slow, but not too slow. I'd like to be able to say goodbye to everyone. Death doesn't scare me, but just disappearing suddenly without being able to tell people goodbye kind of does.
     
  15. suburbia macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2008
    #15
    Not true. Everyone contemplates the inevitable. Not every young individual thinks they're invincible and immortal; as a matter of fact, a very successful, promising, talented, and handsome fashion photographer I knew, ended his own life last year-- he was only 21.

    I think to think about one's mortality only at the elder years is a rare thing these days. Everyone thinks about it-- if it's any consolation.
     
  16. Rt&Dzine macrumors 6502a

    Rt&Dzine

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2008
    #16
    Huntn, I'm younger than you but have lost my parents to illness. It can be overwhelming if you're involved in the caregiving. It's interesting and sometimes surprising how different family members face death. Try to learn from it. But try not to dwell too much on it. My 2 cents. :)
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