**THE Pun Thread**

Discussion in 'Community' started by jrv3034, Nov 14, 2002.

  1. jrv3034 macrumors 6502a

    Oct 23, 2002
    Let's have your best puns here!

    Here's my list:

    1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

    2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
    Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

    4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He
    slides up to the bar and announces: I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
    standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why? they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other
    goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.

    8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they
    opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good father to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the toughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

    10. And finally, there was the MacRumors newbie who posted ten different puns for all Mac users to see, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

    That's all I've got! Send 'em in!;)
  2. diorio macrumors 6502a

    Aug 22, 2002
    That last one is pretty clever.;) There is a radio station where I live where one of the DJ's rattles off 5 puns about a news topic in 10-15 seconds everyday. It's called the Medley 5 & 10 pun challange. Unfortunately I am not gifted in the art of pun.:D
  3. cubist macrumors 68020

    Jul 4, 2002
    Muncie, Indiana
    Those are REALLY good!

    I especially liked the Gandhi one.

    My stepson Tim works at the Giant Food store. He usually helps outside, but sometimes he comes in and helps bag groceries when the lines are long at the cash registers. Giant also has a juice bar where customers can get freshly-made vegetable and fruit juices. Tim asked if he could help out there when the lines get too long, but was told he could not, due to company policy: Baggers can't be juicers.
  4. Hemingray macrumors 68030


    Jan 9, 2002
    Ha ha haaa!
    Okay, you asked for it... :D

    It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon - the veteran Pillsbury Spokesman. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

    Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The gravesite was piled high with flours.

    Long time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

    Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.
  5. Roger1 macrumors 65816


    Jun 3, 2002
    pillsbury doughboy

    It sounds like the 2nd half of his life was rather "crummy". Perhaps he "waffled" too much when it came to deciding which "rolls" to choose. :D
  6. scem0 macrumors 604


    Jul 16, 2002
    back in NYC!



    One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know. But then we tried to get his tusks off, which was very difficult. Of course in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa... But that's entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about...


    Russia Round

    If you Russia round and Ukraine your neck, don't Crimea river.


    Ten-pun bowling

    Employees of the local 10-pun bowling club have gone on STRIKE, leaving the management in diSPARE. Staff say they want to live life in the fast LANE, but have been treated like TURKEYs and left feeling PINned down. "Don't FENCE us in," said one, "or we'll SPLIT." Management say they're OPEN to discussion, but staff feel they're being pushed into the GUTTER like ALLEY cats.


    Sticky fingers

    News is coming in of a group of sticky-fingered thieves who apparently get a buzz out of breaking into a bee-keeper's yard and stealing the honey. Police are organizing a sting operation to catch them as they make a bee-line for their next target. It is hoped they will learn to behive themselves, or else they'll end up spending a night in the cells.


    Thank you for noticing this notice. Now that you've noticed this notice, you may have noticed that this notice is noticably unnoticable.
    You may wish to make a note of this.
  7. Sun Baked macrumors G5

    Sun Baked

    May 19, 2002
    There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

    One morning, the papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage."

    The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell pancakes."

    As the baby mole repeatedly tried to stick his head out of the hole to get a whiff, he became frustrated because the two bigger moles were in the way.

    Unable to take it any longer, the baby mole mumbled, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

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