This is how it will go down 9/12/2012

Discussion in 'iPhone' started by Anti-Lucifer, Sep 4, 2012.

  1. Anti-Lucifer macrumors 6502a

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    #1
    This will be how it goes down 9/12/2012:
    Due to the fact we have already seen the damn phone already.

    1) Tim Cook gets on stage, blabs about how well apple is doing in 2012. Blab more about the new iPad and sales off the charts. Blab even further about how post-pc is a reality and how samsung copies everything apple does but got their arse handed to them in court. Blab the most about how apple makes everyone's lives much better now and how the retail stores usher in billions of fans served.

    2) Bulging eye Scott Forstall jumps on stage and says thanks Tim...then begins to showcase the new iOS 6.0 features and attempts to distort reality by saying there is no better mobile OS than iOS. WIth integrations into Mac OS X Mountain Lion and now across all iOS devices, iOS 6.0 has proven to be the best mobile OS bar none.

    3) Tim hops back on stage after Forstall yappers on and on about how great iOS 6 is and will be; but outside the distortion field, we all know it lacks a ton of features the "other" guys have now. Tim starts introducing new iPods with wifi and the new iPod touch with 5 colors. Same 3.5" screen, same arse quality FaceTime iSight cameras. No auto focus back camera. Same expensive price.

    4) Then some geeks from the company that brought you infinity blade 1 and 2 go on stage to yap on about their new infinity dugeons game...same ol' crap, different toilet. More geeks get on stage and demo iOS 6.0 features such as passbook; how to get coffee but instead of paying cash, you use your phone and go thru 3 steps more to pay for something you could've done with NFC in 1 step.

    5) After the same old rehash distortion field antics, we have tim cook back on stage. He sighs and says, "we have hit a milestone in history of mobile smartphones". He rambles on about how mighty apple is and with the brilliant engineers and designers, there comes a time in history when time stops and everyone gazes at us (apple) and marvel at us and basically loves us so much, we give you the love back in the form of a new phone. We hear many people love how big the XX smartphone is and how much they want a larger display. So tim cook goes on and then says something very stupid like: "we give you a larger display but yet keep the size down to the same size we love and hold dearly". Which basically means we didn't know how to increase to a larger display without fragmenting our entire line of devices...so we stretched it...but he doesn't show you the new phone just yet.

    6) He then talks more about how a smartphone should be compact, easy to hold, easy to navigate with one hand, yadda yadda yaddaa...then the covers come off when he says, "we think we have a real breathrough - we finally cracked the problems and we give you this new iPhone"

    7) It's the same exact iPhone leaked images have been circulating on the net. In fact, it's actually even uglier in person on camera in HD.

    8) The crowd goes buck wild.

    9) It goes on sale today. Delivered to you 9/21/2012.

    10) Tim cook concludes by saying how wonderful the people at apple is and we hope you will like what we have done (basically not much improvements).
     
  2. MacDawg macrumors P6

    MacDawg

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    #2
    Meh, who cares?
    I have never watched one of these in my life
     
  3. batting1000 macrumors 604

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    Florida
    #3
    I agreed with what you were saying till the end of number 3.
     
  4. chakraj macrumors 65816

    chakraj

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  5. 3rd Rock macrumors 6502

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    Over here
    #5
    Take it easy OP. Relax, drink some hot milk, and go to bed. ;)
     
  6. BoxerGT2.5 macrumors 68000

    BoxerGT2.5

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    #6
    Someone sticky this, it might be pretty accurate.
     
  7. lorenwade macrumors 68000

    lorenwade

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    Aug 27, 2008
    #7
    I tried to read this but all it said was, "WAAAAAAAAA".
     
  8. sviato macrumors 68020

    sviato

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    #8
    I actually laughed because it's pretty plausible. I was actually reading some parts in Tim Cook's voice because he may actually say some of those things
     
  9. Anti-Lucifer thread starter macrumors 6502a

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  10. irDigital0l Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2010
    #10
    Everyone keep calm...

    go outside...

    be productive...

    drink some kool-aid...

    and wait.



    This is both funny and ridiculous, but hey...it happens every year.
     
  11. THEAnonymous macrumors member

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    Sep 17, 2008
    #11
    LOL yeah, not a bad prediction...although at this point, the iPhone launch sessions are getting pretty stale/repetitive IMO.
     
  12. Wrathwitch macrumors 65816

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    #12
    You forgot where they brief on how much money they have paid to App developers.
     
  13. JayLenochiniMac macrumors G5

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    New Sanfrakota
    #13
    Same old 3.5" screen is pretty accurate, despite all actual leaked parts (including taller battery) to the contrary? You really think they'll make the iPhone but not the screen taller?
     
  14. sviato macrumors 68020

    sviato

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    #14
    you didn't read the post :cool:
     
  15. BoxerGT2.5 macrumors 68000

    BoxerGT2.5

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    #15
    Go back and READ.
     
  16. BoxerGT2.5 macrumors 68000

    BoxerGT2.5

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    Jun 4, 2008
    #16
    Quoted for truth.
     
  17. ZZ Bottom macrumors 6502a

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    #17
    Quite amusing and possibly quite accurate (except iPod color thing). Thanks for sharing.
     
  18. rocoloco macrumors member

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  19. JerseyDoug macrumors regular

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    May 10, 2012
    #19
    Yep. The dog and pony show is for the investors. Just give me the phone.
     
  20. mtj111 macrumors member

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    Jun 23, 2010
    #20
    With a Keynote slide that has a picture of a check, made payable to "The Developers" for $5,000,000,000,000,000.
     
  21. Risco macrumors 68000

    Risco

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    #21
    He was talking about the iPod. Might pay dividends next time to read before you post. ;)


    @OP That made me smile, and is pretty much what I expect. You forgot the long drawn out feature preview on maps though. Also there will be a killer new feature, I am wagering on wireless charging via wifi.
     
  22. Sedrick macrumors 68030

    Sedrick

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    Nov 10, 2010
    #22
    That was a pretty good read. You left out the part where Tim Cook giggles "now we've got 4" too!" and preens like a little girl.
     
  23. zub3qin macrumors 65816

    zub3qin

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    #23

    Sarcasm aside, I think this is dead on accurate. Except the end where you left out that John Mayer or Alicia Keys does a ditty....
     
  24. s15119 macrumors 65816

    s15119

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    Nov 20, 2010
    #24
    You forgot to mention the millions and millions who will buy the new phone and find it to be an awesome tool which makes thier life better.
     
  25. ixodes macrumors 601

    ixodes

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2012
    Location:
    Pacific Coast, USA
    #25
    You're talking about the hypnotic Steve Jobs Reality Distortion Field.

    Translations:
    Awesome tool = it's just a phone.
    Makes their life better = for those without a life.

    Reality is forbidden in AppleLand.
     

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