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Discussion in 'Community' started by carbonmotion, May 16, 2004.
It didn't occur to you to ask him how old she was? Geesh! It is bad enough she was 15, she could have been 13 year old!
What you should have done is sit him down, ask him how old she was. Then ask him why the hell he was dating a 15 year old! Then ask him if was ready to make said 15 year a mother. Then ask him if he was ready to pay child support for the next 18 years! After that you should have reminded him what the age of consent is in whatever state she lives in. And ask him if he is ready to go to jail in order "to score."
Personally, I think he, you, and his parents should all be held accountable... I'm sorry but the whole attitude toward him having sex makes me sick.
Teens are already sexually active, have been for a long time, and have a history of acting out by choosing sexual partners much older than them. I would say, be glad he was 19 and not 45. Personally, i really don't see such a problem here, although there are situations when I don't think it should happen, the reality is a 15 year old could have already had a couple of sexual partners and could be responsible enough to know her way around. Parents tend to be overprotective in this area, and *they* have a history of forcing kids to act out.
This is a situation that's happened a million times over. The outcome isn't usually good, at best they'll never see each other again, at worst he will be deemed a "sex offender" and have a huge blemish because of a common mistake.
I think statutory rape should be dropped to 13 or 14, which is more in line with many other countries. Teens grow up faster than ever, whether we want to admit that or not.
Would he have asked if it were certain to be okay? I guess its something that you learn with experience but when the answer the question seems obvious is when you need to do more checking.
The rules depend on the state. Some places I think it is 3 years difference. There is a huge difference in maturity between 19 and 15. There is a huge difference in maturity between 19 and 21 (yes I know both perfectly legal) In a lot of instances there are big differences between 17 and 18. The whole purpose of statutory rape laws is not to prevent children from having sex (there are loop holes for spouses and some states allow marriage as young as 12) The purpose is to prevent a chance for it to have been coerced. Younger people look up to their elders even if there are a few years older. 14 year olds follow my son around (he's the ASPL in his scout troop) without question and he is only 16.
You gave bad advice without getting the whole story. If I had a daughter I don't think I would want someone who gave similar advice to date her. In grand scheme moral failures you don't have real responsibility. Tight-ass that I am I can't assign it to you, but it was stupid.
I'm going to let that first sentence stand on its own. Ponder the ramifications...
Teens I think are growing up slower. Romeo was probably 16 and Juliet about 12. Marriage back in the day used to be much younger. 18 was an old maid.
The purpose though of the laws were to help ensure equality between the partners and a lack of coercion.
15 is too young though to make informed decisions.
Man she's only fifteen. I can't understand how you think it's funny.
Imagine if she were your daughter.
Ah, the power of testosterone. It can make an adult male actually want to have sex with a child. When I was 32 I dated a 19 year-old for a year, and frankly it was weird.
Morality is hard to set law to. Our society has decided that under 18 is the cutoff. I'll admit that they might be wrong or unnecessary, but still. You can marry a girl as low as 14 (I believe) in several states, but even there it's illegal to have sex. It's called rape if you do.
Tell him to find a girl in college that LOOKS like she's 13, and have at it. Maybe that will satisfy his desires. Or maybe have him grab a picture of her and use a hand. Choose one, and let the girl grow up for gods sake.
If it were my daughter? They would never find the body.
It's statutory rape. Sex with a minor, consensual or not is rape (I think...)
Check out this site...don't know how reliable it is but it's got a table and everything.
The key word here I think is "rape".
Is the girl worth the chance to ruin your life forever? Don't think the answer here would be yes. Its just not worth it - period.
I guess you'll learn for the future
Yeah but if you throw in hormones and the chance at having sex you just cut all that in half
No, not my impression at all. I just think that as a friend you might want to give him a little more info on the consequences of having sex.
She was in high school....
He is completely responsible for his own actions. But so are you. I just didn't care for your attitude.
So is sex between a 13 year old and 19 year old, but most would agree that's too big an age discrepancy and too young for actual consent.
You bad influence you, how dare you.
It is statutory rape in this case. Not all sex-with-a-minor cases are though.
Once one person is over 18, the rules get tricky.
Many states have two-year rules. As in, 19-17 (ok) 19-16 (not ok); or 18-16 (ok) 18-15 (not ok);
Also, keep in mind that it's perfectly (technically) legal for those two people to date, just not to have sex. That is what makes it rape - by legal statute.
In my opinion, I'd say that once one person is no longer a minor, you gotta be reeeeeeal careful.
i personally think the guy shouldnt be blaming you, its not like you forced him to do it or anything, hes old enough to know what to do and what not to do, its not like her offered her age, so why should you pry, if he asked hey should i have sex with this girl? i mean i want to but shes only 15, then you have an obligation to tell him hell no, but seriously its his fault and he has to live with the consequences
Check out Age of Consent.com that should answer many of your questions
As a 20 year old, I will say that it is not uncommon for 20-25 yo to go out and copulate with 15-18 yo. Infact in my home state, Washington, It is very common. However, usually the lack of maturity between partners usually causes a natural barrier, preventing such acts.
I think you should have told him to do some research on the subject, before telling him to "hit it!".
Tell your GF's Parents, that he just told you she was in HS. You assumed she was 17 or 18 (Legal in MI) and he didn't engender any more information.
Good luck, hopefully you can learn this, and not make rushed decisions with your 2nd head.
I'm not blaming you, I telling you to think. Remember Humans, by nature, are skiddish, panicy animals, and when they are in a trap (Getting Ca.ught Having a Minor) they will turn on everyone. Hense why you should have told him to do research, not jump directly to "hit it". That is where your problem lays.
Also, I want the The Next term of the Bush Adminsitration work on a national Age of Consent Law, so everyone know the dos and don'ts of sexual relations in the US.
carbonmotion I do not think that you are to blame
your friend is a dipwad and hopefully being put in the sex offender data base and maybe a few months to a year in jail will cure him of his rank stupidity
15 and 19 year olds have nothing
your friend as a 19 year old man used
a fifteen year old girl for his own gratification
he has no excuse
he is using another individual to ingratiate himself and even worse he is using an underage immature girl who probably doesn't even realize that she was being used
this is disgusting and idiotic
If you friend needs to gratify himself maybe next time you should suggest a prostitute
at least both parties are fully able to reasonably consent to the act
your friend would still be scum but at least he would be semi-responsible not quite as immoral scum
what i'm curious about is why her parents are spending their time finding someone to blame, rather than finding out why their 15 year old daughter is sexually active and if she uses protection. It amazes me that simply because of a number, she's a victim and he's a rapist. How her parents react to this situation will play a part in determining how she acts in the future.
because the number in someways but not always represents an ability to use rational thought in a given situation to realize consequences and from properly collating of life experiences to fully understand the many facets of a situation to come to a proper action or reaction.
we hold as a society that 15 year old kids are not fully able to do this because of either a lack of life experiences or an inability due to lack of maturity to act reasonably
at 19 carbonmotion's friend should and most likely did know better
I don't understand how the two ideas connect...who turned on who by not suggesting to do research?
Look, without getting political...there are a lot of individuals out there (I think) that need to be more aware of both the dos and don'ts, but also why something shouldn't be done. I know a couple from my H.S. that met two ears back (man = 16 years, female = 15 years). Four months later, they engaged in underage sexual exchanges. You bet: Illegal activities. (I think both of them are also doing drugs now...and not caring about their grades...) But the thing is, the couple doesn't care to wait until both are 18, nor do either care as to the future of their boy/girlfriend relationship. Responsibility is a key issue in underage adult-style relationships. As suggested earlier by Neserk, the responsibility is split almost evenly between classwork and maintaining either half of the relationship. Many older teens (and upward) see the line separating classwork and the responsibility of a relationship, but not everyone does. I think this particular thread in theory (the one I explained in this paragraph) shows that people need to know more not just about the dos and don'ts, but also why some "do not"s are important.
okay... thanks for clairfying that. It is ridiculous that they blame you for his actions.