What's a guy to do with the free time? Guess I'll call the Fedex Nashville, TN Hub...

Bignified

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Mar 12, 2012
6
0
...and recite this little ditty (in a strikingly familiar rendition if i say so myself) verbatim to the first live party I could get on the phone.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have any money left after this purchase. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my iPad go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you."
 

mariocapo

macrumors member
Sep 3, 2009
83
0
Las Vegas
Lmao

This is, hands down, the best/most entertaining "waiting for iPad" thread on this forum. Liam Neeson FTW! Literally laughed out loud.:D

I think I'll do the same, only with the Ontario, California FedEx hub.
 

DizzyV6P

macrumors regular
Mar 11, 2011
188
10
Awesome Movie!!! It's from "Taken" for those who haven't figured it out by now. I have it memorized for my daughter's future first date ;) It's tied for first place with the Bad Boys II date scene, I can't decide which one to do...LOL.
 

falcora

macrumors 6502
Oct 8, 2011
390
4
If you left off the 'I Will kill you' part at the end, you could probably get away with it and not get into any trouble. With any luck the operator would get the joke and have a laugh with you.
 

Blakjack

macrumors 68000
Jun 23, 2009
1,794
307
This is the funniest thing I've heard in a couple of days. I cant stop laughing.
 

fridgeymonster3

macrumors 6502
Jan 28, 2008
493
13
Philadelphia
...and recite this little ditty (in a strikingly familiar rendition if i say so myself) verbatim to the first live party I could get on the phone.

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have any money left after this purchase. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people. If you let my iPad go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will sign for my package sometime by 3 PM on March 16, 2012"
Haha!! As an almost-lawyer, I'd advise a client against such veiled threats, even ones that are joking, as the FBI really has no sense of humor. Therefore, I fixed it for you free of charge. :)
 

tigress666

macrumors 68040
Apr 14, 2010
3,287
15
Washington State
Yeah... lighten up.
It's funny, even if the guy does it for real. But I'd find it funny because he'd probably make news when he got arrested ;) (hey it's not me and it's news of some one doing something kinda stupid). I'm not sure he'd find it so funny getting arrested.

Seriously, I wouldn't actually do the "I will kill you" (and really even the "I will look for you, I will find you" part cause that still could be viewed as a threat) part IRL because yeah, that could get the police or FBI at your door. On the other hand, leave it out, you may get lucky and get some one who gets the quote and laughs. Or at least has a story of the "crazy customer he got on the phone today."
 

SteveAbootman

macrumors 6502a
May 12, 2008
602
21
This was great. I can just imagine the bewildered FedEx employee on the other end of the call...

Well played OP