Why Playboy is Bad News!

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by Pani, Aug 14, 2008.

  1. Pani macrumors member

    Pani

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    #1
    Or Why Too Much Eye Candy Can Rot Relationships

    I feel vindicated. Over the past few years I have developed quite an aversion to mass media. I barely watch any t.v. at all any more. I think that has been the main reason for my boost in confidence, I simply don't expose myself to all those commercial messages telling me I am dirt if I don't buy their product. But a recent article in Alternet, "Why I Hate Beauty," has reinforced my decision in a whole new way.


    The article, by Michael Levine and Hara Estroff Marano, starts out by explaining the contrast principle. This holds how we perceive things depends on what we are comparing them to. In a classic experiment, room temperature water seemed cold to people who had first put their hand in warm water, and hot to those who had first put their hand in cold water. What does this have to do with Playboy bunnies? Constantly surrounding ourselves with glamorized images make us feel worse about our own natural appearance. Did it take a study to tell us that?


    But here is the real kicker. After viewing these images men tend to rate their own partners as less attractive. Intellectually, most men know it is not a fair playing field. Not only are the most beautiful women selected, but they often surgically enhanced and/or photo shopped. They are NOT REAL! That is not the way the feminine sex comes out of the package, let alone look like when they get up in the morning. Still, on an unconscious level, the studies show it affects many (NOT ALL) men deeply. The constant bombardment of "ideal" (read phony) beauty, not just in Playboy, but everywhere in media gives them the illusion it really is available to them if only they look hard enough. If they settle for a-GASP-real woman, they are left perennially feeling that there is a better deal out there and maybe they aren't such savvy shoppers after all. 1


    This affects the dynamics of relationships in and out of partnerships. My ex was a huge fan of Playboy.(And Mac Fanatic :)) The underlying theme of our relationship was that he felt he could have done better. Of course, I thought just the opposite for entirely different reasons. (No Playgirls in my underwear drawer!) We divorced. I am wondering how this might affect women who are not as self-confident (read egotistical) as myself. When we feel we are not good enough for someone, or extremely lucky to have them, we give our power away. The focus is on pleasing them rather than having our own needs met . Given that women's bodies are still idealized more than men in MSM, it is easy to see how this still keeps the balance of power tipped in favor of men.


    It affects single men too. I have done some casual online dating. While seeing someone, I would always check the site where I met them to see if they were still active within the past few days. They always were! (Read still checking out who else is out there!) Furthermore, some were still looking months or even years later. (Some of these men I never met, just blew off and was too lazy to delete their intro messages. For those readers who might claim their experience with me turned them off long term relationships and/or women for all eternity!) Pop psychology would say this is fear of commitment. Maybe!!! But the explanation in the article really struck a chord. The allegation has been made some restaurants put artificial additives in food to get people to eat more. So when we eat those meals we will never achieve complete satiety for long, we will always be hungry again. It has nothing to do with any flaws within ourselves and everything to do with the phony food. Too much eye candy works the same way. It will produce a constant restlessness where no relationship ever feels quite right. It may have less to do with commitment phobia or the woman herself and much more to do with a glut of junk culture.


    Now what are we going to do about it? Hopefully, just knowing about these dynamics can help people sort out their feelings. And remember gentlemen, for centuries women have been told to do whatever it takes to conform to the norm. If you were a Chinese woman you bound your feet to be beautiful If you were a Victorian woman, you bound your waist in a corset. Some contemporary women have wired their jaws shut to starve themselves thin. Why should we be the only ones to sacrifice and deny ourselves pleasure??? If you know that overdosing on all those sweet images is making you as emotionally restless as hyperactive 3rd graders the day after Halloween, UNSUBSCRIBE to the magazines and TURN OFF THE T.V.!!!


    1 Levine and Marano "Why I Hate Beauty." http://www.alternet.org/sex/93861/why_i_hate_beauty/
    I highly recommend reading the article for yourself. It is well worth your time!!!
     
  2. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

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    #2
    Pardon my frankness, but if Playboy was the thing that broke up your marriage, it wasn't worth much in the first place. And really, I'm not trying to be nasty- just my opinion.
     
  3. Prof. macrumors 601

    Prof.

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  4. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

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  5. NightFlight macrumors 6502

    NightFlight

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    #5
    I'm going to have to agree with that...

    Sorry. :rolleyes:
     
  6. iMacmatician macrumors 601

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    #6
    Neither are Macs. ;)
     
  7. Lord Blackadder macrumors G5

    Lord Blackadder

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    #7
    I agree. Unless it's a real porn addiction, it should be able to be overcome by a frank discussion.
     
  8. Mord macrumors G4

    Mord

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    #8
    Personally I've never come across anyone in porn that I consider more attractive than my partner, IMO if you really love someone you'll see them through rose tinted glasses.
     
  9. bbotte macrumors 65816

    bbotte

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  10. SamIchi macrumors 68030

    SamIchi

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    #10
    By your logic, marriage rates since the internet was invented should have gone to the *****. We have quicker and more access to porn than ever before. Not everyone follows the standards of mass media beauty.

    Your husband left you because he said he could've done better? Why would you want to be married to someone so shallow? Playboy didn't do that to him, he's just superficial.
     
  11. MacNut macrumors Core

    MacNut

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    #11
    If you are more attracted to pictures in a magazine or on a computer than your are of your partner your relationship has far worse problems then you care to admit.
     
  12. localoid macrumors 68020

    localoid

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    #12
    Sorry, but allowing hate/jealousy to rule one's life is a terrible waste (of one's life). Blame the person (that believes a fantasy is better than a relationship with a real person). But don't blame images. And don't blame beauty.
     
  13. Sideonecincy macrumors 6502

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    #13
    Aren't these sites sorta expensive to join? If I was to join one, since it is considered to be casual dating, I would be checking pretty often also. Also, why are you checking up on people, who you blew off, to see if they still visit the site?

    Looking at playboy or watching television isn't any better than going on the internet either.
     
  14. mcarnes macrumors 68000

    mcarnes

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    #14
    You think too much. It's just poon. It's like food, no analysis required. Think about astronomy, history, cool stuff like that.
     
  15. Definity macrumors member

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    #15
    In fairness, it's quite disheartening to think that anyone would want to look at Playboy or the likes if they're with someone.

    I just find there's no need.


    I think you should give him a black eye and then give him one of these playboys to leer over. Joking aside, if he leaves you for that, he is definitely not worth the thought and heartache.
     

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  16. Mousse macrumors 68000

    Mousse

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    #16
    Ah, young love... Once the honeymoon is over, it's time to remove those rose colored glasses. The reality is that a loving relationship requires a lot of sacrifices and hard work.

    I've lost of count the number of times I've gotten my @ss kicked because someone upset my wife. I gave up my photography for a year just to spend more time with her. I turned down a promotion so I could have more family time. I stopped watching the NFL on sunday for her. :eek: I gave up a lot. But then I gained a lot more.

    You reap what you sow.
     
  17. adk macrumors 68000

    adk

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    #17
    Did you ever think the real reason you broke up was that Playboy caused him to fall in love with the late Norman Mailer?
     
  18. MacNut macrumors Core

    MacNut

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    #18
    Wait, isn't it a 2 way street. You both have to give up something to make it work. One person should not have to give up everything.
     
  19. OutThere macrumors 603

    OutThere

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    #19
    I find that, and I'm not pointing fingers here, more often than not the 'real woman' referred to by people on the internet is generally unattractive and looking for an ego boost by making disparaging comments about attractive women.

    Personally, I think that the women in Playboy today are too plastic sugery-d, fake tanned and bleached blond to be attractive, but look back 30 or 40 years and they sure were hot.
     
  20. iJon macrumors 604

    iJon

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    #20
    I have a girlfriend that I am madly in love with and will probably marry one day and we have a very good relationship. I also look at porn all the time. She doesn't necessarily like it but she doesn't care either, as long as I am not getting something from it that I am not getting from her.

    I've been looking at the stuff since I was in 5th grade and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon just cause porn is fun! If porn or something else along those lines ruins a relationship then you either weren't compatible in the first place or you didn't have a very strong relationship in the first place either.

    jon
     
  21. t0mat0 macrumors 603

    t0mat0

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  22. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

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    #22
    I really couldn't agree more to both of your points. Or were there three. Anyway, first, Playboy women 30-40 years ago were very good looking. Today, they're good looking but it is less authentic (risking saying real here).

    As far as those who refer to "real women", this is entirely true for many but not all. I'm personally in the class of "real women"; generally unattractive, I don't really make it a point to make disparaging comments about attractive women because I think it's a sure sign of weakness not to mention it's not really fair to just decide that they're the ones who somehow screw up whatever relationship we may land in our lives nor are they all out to get the ugly chick. Ugly girls and pretty girls can, do, and will continue to co-exist. :)

    As far as the OP, I can totally see that there is some damage that was done, I don't quite know if she implies that Playboy f'ed up her marriage, but it's clear that she needed to feel vindicated for something. The so-called "study" or articles that we're all supposed to embrace aren't new. What is said isn't new at all. I call it visual gluttony. As most have stated, the OPs marriage didn't end due to Playboy. It undoubtedly ended for something more. Perhaps the OP is generally unhappy, unable to really be happy, unwilling to share a happy moment with her husband, etc.
     
  23. MacNut macrumors Core

    MacNut

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    #23
    Husband: Lets have sex.
    Wife: Not tonight.
    Husband: Im gonna look at porn.
    Wife: Why won't you look at me anymore.
    Husband: Because you never want to have fun.

    If the relationship is not going to be spicy or have any fantasy in it the partner will look elsewhere. Porn is that release when the other person doesn't want to add anything.

    A happy married couple that loves each other doesn't need porn. It is when the relationship gets stale that porn enters in.
     
  24. benlee macrumors 65816

    benlee

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    #24
    This is exactly why I only subscribe to Big Girl, Granny, and gay porn, otherwise I would probably have left my fiance'.
     
  25. MacNut macrumors Core

    MacNut

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    #25
    Of course if she finds out she will leave you.:p
     

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