Would you date a young parent? Straight/Gay

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by rican, Nov 8, 2011.

?

Would you date a young parent?

Poll closed Nov 23, 2011.
  1. Yes

    25 vote(s)
    30.9%
  2. No

    25 vote(s)
    30.9%
  3. Depends

    31 vote(s)
    38.3%
  1. rican macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
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    Party in the USA
    #1
    Just curious... I don't know how I feel about it entirely but, I am a 22 year old male and I am TALKING ( not dating yet ) to a guy who is 26 with a 3 year old son.

    Would you date a young person with a child? Why or why not?
     
  2. Neolithium macrumors 6502a

    Neolithium

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2010
    Location:
    Wherever the army needs me.
    #2
    Absolutely. I've done it before and I'd do it again. She was a great woman at the time and to me it made no difference she already had a child with someone that a relationship didn't work out with.
     
  3. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #3
    Yes.

    2 young boys and a great woman. I was truly smitten.

    Sadly I was, at the time, not mature enough to handle the "situation" presented to me.

    And the boys had nothing to do with the issue.
     
  4. Gelfin macrumors 68020

    Gelfin

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2001
    Location:
    Denver, CO
    #4
    I hate to be cynical, but while I wouldn't rule it out completely, it would be a big yellow flag. I'm sure it's far from universal, but the main reason I ended up filtering out people with kids from my own dating searches was the frequency of profiles that seemed to amount to, "I used to have a lot of fun, but now I've decided to settle down and date guys I would have laughed at before fun saddled me with a kid or two. I'm not so much looking for romance or passion or excitement as I am interviewing for a responsible co-parent. Qualifications include a stable income and a deep sense of satisfaction when sorting out other people's messes. White knights and doormats welcome."

    That probably makes me a huge jerk of some sort, and if so, so be it. If I'm looking for a LTR, magnanimity is not going to be a priority. I'm not saying don't. I'm just saying it's something I'd be on guard for.
     
  5. Moyank24 macrumors 601

    Moyank24

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2009
    Location:
    in a New York State of mind
    #5
    I'm the opposite side of the situation.

    I'm a single mother with twin 4 year olds. And a lesbian.

    My GF/Partner died almost 3 years ago and while I do date, I am definitely not looking for anything serious at this point and I've never gotten to the point where anyone has met my children for more than a second. I'm not looking for another mother for them right now. I figure if I'm with a woman and it looks like it's turning into something serious, I'll deal with it then. So at this point, I'm not looking for anything beyond casual.

    I've been with a few women over the past year or so who expressed a desire to press the issue and that kind of ended it for me. I'm just not ready to bring my kids into anything yet. I may never be.

    It's a really, really hard decision, I believe, for a mother or father to introduce kids to someone who could possibly be a huge part of their lives. So if you've reached a point in the relationship where that happens, it should be taken seriously.

    I would just hate to put my kids in a position where they would get attached to someone and be hurt if it didn't work out.

    I'm sure I could use a few hours with a therapist...loss issues/committment issues, etc...:rolleyes: At least that's what my mom says.
     
  6. Grey Beard, Nov 8, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2011

    Grey Beard macrumors 65816

    Grey Beard

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Location:
    The Antipodes.
    #6
    Gelfin and Moyank24. I can totally empathise with both your comments and your reasons. In days of yore, yes, I should have and in hindsight I'm not even sure why I did not. Oh the marriage thing was not legal or even civil partnerships, but we were working at it. Nowadays I tend to be a battered and abused recluse who only has memories of brothers, lovers and friends. But they are still fond memories, though too many have passed on and left me behind, but I miss them and still love them all.
    KGB;)
     
  7. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #7
    This is tough. While I like kids, I don't really want to raise any. I think I make a much better uncle. But it would also depend on the person.
     
  8. Liquorpuki macrumors 68020

    Liquorpuki

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2009
    Location:
    City of Angels
    #8
    Same with me. No clue if I could handle it

    Also have a couple friends who dated single moms and ended up staying longer in the relationship than they should've because they got attached to the kid.
     
  9. leekohler macrumors G5

    leekohler

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2004
    Location:
    Chicago, Illinois
    #9
    On the flip side, a friend of mine did the same years ago, they got married, the kid is now in college and they're happy as could be. Out of all of my friends, they're probably the healthiest couple I know.
     
  10. Moyank24 macrumors 601

    Moyank24

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2009
    Location:
    in a New York State of mind
    #10
    That's another one of my fears. There are many levels of complications that could arise.
     
  11. CorvusCamenarum macrumors 65816

    CorvusCamenarum

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Location:
    Birmingham, AL
    #11
    I tried it a time or two when I was younger. Even if the relationship were serious, the attitude seemed to be near universal that no matter how things progressed, I would never be more than second fiddle behind her kids. If I were in a position to be dating, I'd have to say never again.
     
  12. OutThere macrumors 603

    OutThere

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2002
    Location:
    NYC
    #12
    I'd say thanks but no thanks........(to Bristol Palin) :p
     
  13. ucfgrad93 macrumors P6

    ucfgrad93

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2007
    Location:
    Colorado
    #13
    I started dating my wife when she had a daughter who was 4. Best thing I ever did. It presents some challenges, but it was worth it. I adopted her a year after we were married and she has turned into a wonderful young lady. I am blessed beyond what I deserve.
     
  14. ravenvii macrumors 604

    ravenvii

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2004
    Location:
    Melenkurion Skyweir
    #14
    Casual? Sure - as long as her kid(s) has nothing to do with it.

    Seriously? Hell no. Like Corvus above said, I'd always be second to her kid(s). That's the way it should be, but doesn't mean I have to like it.
     
  15. Queen of Spades macrumors 68030

    Queen of Spades

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
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    The Iron Throne
    #15
    I'm a lesbian in my twenties, and I dated a woman seriously who had 3 small children. It created a lot of problems for us. First, it took me awhile to be comfortable enough to meet her kids. That bothered her - which bothered me, as my personal opinion is you should be extremely judicious about the significant others you introduce to your children.

    She also had the habit of making her kid-related commitments and stresses always take precedence over mine. If I was stressed, she would sometimes act like whatever it was couldn't compare to kid stress. If I slept in on a Saturday, she would tell me how lucky I was and that not everyone had that "luxury." Failing to realize, of course, that kids are voluntary and no one forced her to have them.

    It was one of the big reasons we broke up. It helped me realize very clearly how different life is with someone who has kids and someone who doesn't. It's tough, the most important person in your partner's life isn't ever going to be you if they're a good parent - and bad parents are a huge turn off.

    For me, I'm probably not ready to date someone with kids again, as I'm not even sure I want them myself. And I'm enjoying my selfish 20s. It's a personal decision, but that's my two cents. Good luck.
     
  16. rican thread starter macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
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    Party in the USA
    #16

    I see where you're going with this and I understand this totally... From my understanding his kid lives in Spokane, Washington -- and we live in LA... He see's him on Holidays and stuff, but still - the fact remains he has a child... Not sure how I feel about it, I like him for him, but I can see this potentially waining down on the relationship.
    I also feel kind of weird in this situation since the kid is not used to me, nor do I have plans on meeting the kid, because I wouldn't want to meet the kid and have him like me then we break up & the kid is like where is Shawn? But, in all due time I guess... I just have to weigh the pros & cons and see what happens.
     
  17. MotleyGrrl macrumors 6502

    MotleyGrrl

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2010
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    #17
    No. I dated guys with kids when I was younger and it never felt right. I've chosen not to have kids so far a reason. When I do decide to have kids, as selfish or immature as it may sound, I want my partner and I to experience having kids for the first time together. The older I get, the chances of this happening are slim... but I have met someone older than me without children and I adore him - too bad his job takes him overseas the majority of the time.
    :(
     
  18. MadeTheSwitch macrumors 6502a

    MadeTheSwitch

    Joined:
    Apr 20, 2009
    #18
    Well, I would date someone with a kid. In fact, I have before. But it all depends on you. You have to ask yourself if you want to be connected to a child even in a small part. BUT, by the same token, don't throw away a great guy because of a child. Especially one far away. While there are many considerations when dating someone, just go with your feelings. Great guys do not come along very often and if you are into him and he is into you, then go for it. And hey, if there is a long term future who knows...the kid might be there to take care of you when you are old. :)

    Although this is getting way way far ahead of yourself here. Date first. Worry about the details later. Perhaps you will find out something else unworkable that has nothing to do with the child.
     
  19. iStudentUK, Nov 9, 2011
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2011

    iStudentUK macrumors 65816

    iStudentUK

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2009
    Location:
    London
    #19
    I've always been surprisingly paternal for my age. It wouldn't bother me, except in that it potentially means more people to get hurt. Apart from that it's ok.

    I think it's less of an issue there. There's a clear time when he will want to spend time with his child, and other times where it's not an option. If you are concerned maybe you could hold back on meeting his child, or not too frequently, until you know how things are going. Remember it's not just the child that may get hurt, you could become quite attached which may leave you hurt. Overall, I think it's something you just need to be aware of, but not a reason not to try.


    Dating itself would scare me- I met someone in school a good few years ago... now somehow I'm engaged! Not sure I'd have a clue. :eek:
     
  20. Iscariot macrumors 68030

    Iscariot

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    Aug 16, 2007
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    Toronteazy
    #20
    I voted no, but for different reasons than most. I don't care for children -- which is why I don't have any of my own -- and I certainly have no interest in playing a role in raising somebody else's. I would date a woman with adult, independent kids, or perhaps even college age kids, but there would have to be that element of maturity. My little sister looks like she'll be settling down and starting a family soon, I'm excited at the prospect of being an uncle, and I'd raise her kids if something happened to her, but outside of that I'd really rather avoid children all together.
     
  21. 184550 Guest

    Joined:
    May 8, 2008
    #21
    Depends.

    If she had one child from a previous relationship that wouldn't be a problem.

    However, if she had two or more children then we'd really have to have something special.
     
  22. Mord macrumors G4

    Mord

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2003
    Location:
    UK
    #22
    Were I single, I'd not rule the possibility out though I wouldn't do it unless I was fully willing to be a parent to the kid too.
     
  23. FrankieTDouglas macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2005
    #23
    nope... no interest in ever having children, so definitely no interest in "acquiring" one voluntarily as a relationship side-effect
     
  24. Hey Jude macrumors 6502a

    Hey Jude

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Location:
    Florida
    #24
    I have declined to pursue a relationship in the past with a woman who had two small children, and my feelings have not changed that much in the interim. I suppose a teenaged child, nearing adulthood, would be agreeable but more than one kid is a deal breaker.
     
  25. Papanate macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2011
    Location:
    North Carolina
    #25
    In a heartbeat - and without giving it a second thought. And despite what people say there are opportunities for a great amazing romance - but you'll have to be much more clever and romantic - because Romance Light has already been played out...and the kid is a sign of reality for you.

    So go out, have fun, and do better than the Chocolates and Flowers nonsense. Coming over and offering to help do the laundry - or cook dinner - or many of the overlooked but very thoughtful offers that go by the wayside in Child producing marriages - that's the new romance. And it hits harder and better than a fancy stay over at a Hotel or something.
     

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