Your attention needed please

Discussion in 'Politics, Religion, Social Issues' started by joelovesapple, Feb 24, 2009.

  1. joelovesapple macrumors 6502a


    Sep 25, 2006
    Hi there fellow Mac users/fans,

    I don't know if this is the correct place to post this but I have my own 'social issue' going on as it were. One of my problems is supposedly mis-reading what people say, albeit occasionally. (In my defence, I am not 'everybody', I am 'me' and that is how I handle things, unfortunately not very well as the case may be). Anyway....

    I am 20 years old; 21 in July and live in the UK. In about 2005/06, some months after my kidney transplant, I was suffering with depression and was in no great state particularly. It was hell.

    Then, in 2007, I found a voluntary job in an office environment, which is my first job (though I have had prior work experience). Things have most definitely picked up since being there. It is some kind of caring environment where a lot of people with various problems go, do collating, stapling, badge engraving and catering. I was given this opportunity due to both my depression, and needing something to do during the daytime as I was only going on the computer and didn't get anything valuable done on any given day.

    Anyway, I started off well, and some might say I still am doing well; I've never had a 'telling off' or been in trouble with my supervisors and make myself very flexible as to what I will do whilst there, ie hovering, mopping the floor, my usual admin duties, computer use :) and other odds and sods. I really do quite enjoy it (or, did).

    Here lies the problem: I was getting on rather well with the lady who is in charge of the computing aspects and she produces ID badges amongst other things. I sometimes help her out and learn stuff at the same time, though I try not to be too 'familiar' or 'buddyish' with her as it isn't the done thing.

    About 5 months or so ago, I was getting on just fine with her until she suddenly makes a very cutting remark, saying that I was becoming very big for my boots and that I was getting 'all sorts of complaints' and upsetting people. Now let me tell you and assure you all that upsetting people is not the way you succeed in life, and if I had been doing this I would be horrified. In her defence she said it is because I am usually in an office where 'things are said'; however if I work in there, am I not bound to hear hearsay? I can't help what my ears pick up. It isn't like I can turn down the volume like I can on my speakers. :confused:

    Then, it was a slightly okay 'relationship' for a few months-ish until she decided to get mad at me for no reason what-so-ever. I was in the canteen area on my break and if you want coffee it is freely available but if you want a hot chocolate or tea it needs to be requested. The lady who usually did this duty in the canteen was on leave that week however. The lady who I mostly work with was in charge instead. I asked for a hot chocolate (trivial, I know) :rolleyes:. I got a very terse reply, saying 'can't you see I'm busy?' Busy my ass - she had barely even started. This really does sound pathetic but she was very very rude about the whole affair and basically I was denied a drink in my break so I had to go thirsty for another near-2 hours.

    Due to the way she exclaimed all this, and because she gave me a horrible cold look on her face, me being who I am, it put the fear of God into me. (I consider myself sadly quite 'scarred' after my previous health ordeals) I was **** scared and was shaken up, and crying and angry that I couldn't have a drink at all, and no shops in the near vicinity, only 20 minutes break time). I cold not hack the rest of that day, however, I stayed on and did as much work as possible, reported it though it ended up with my boss siding with my supervisor most likely because I am 'just' a client though I could be mistaken...probably.

    The next week (as I don't work every day, nobody does) she was really forcing herself to be as nice as pie to me and I could tell this because you know when you can see it in people. Body language gives a lot away. I went along with it just to get moving along so I could at least work in relative peace.

    Fast forward to today then: I am so sorry about the huge post here. I was getting along just fine doing some collating (gathering piles of paper together) and having a laugh with one of my friends who works there; note that I am not naming names for the sake of privacy. We were all having a laugh really, supervisor included. About an hour and a half into the day though, I was in the middle of cracking a joke which my boss happened to be in the room at the same time, she found it hilarious along with us 3. She said 'give him a slap!' And I did *not* mean to say this but I said: 'I know _____ she wouldn't dare do that! in a jokey way, however I did not mean to say that, and felt a bit bad afterwards however I still didn't expect it to be taken so wrongly. Jesus Christ. My supervisor gave me the same cold look she had given before and it struck fear into me once again and she warned 'Be VERY CAREFUL. Do NOT say that again'. I know on paper it looks very minor and insignificant but you have no idea how this made me feel. I was shaken on the inside for the rest of today, still am a bit, though I remained as calm as possible and focused on other things instead. I had to go back in the computer room later though and it was not easy. It was obvious by body language that my supervisor had not got over it and was still indeed fuming.

    Luckily someone found me at the right moment and told me something very apt which said 'do not surrender your peace of mind to relatively minor things'. I held it close to me to reassure me that I was not to react badly. This helped. I stayed with helping this person the rest of the day and he was very decent, not even a member of staff. Then later I had this saying confiscated as it was on an engraved badge plate and was not actually my property, which soon after made me feel wretched about everything.

    Basically so I do not bore you with the nitty gritty I ended up having an ok day because of this other client, but after I got home, it dawned on me and I exploded. I explained to my mum that for once I was not mis-construing my supervisor. She understood, as did my Dad who was on the other end of the phone at the time; he works away.

    I have heard that other people have had similar crap from this woman and even outsiders know she has a problem. It is a CARING environment and if you wanna work in these sorts of places you have GOT to tolerate some mistakes somebody might make, and people who might harbour negative thoughts. One of these people who works in a different counselling place said that something is wrong somewhere and it isn't my way of thinking.

    Again I am sorry for this stupidly long thread. I just appreciate those who have read this,

  2. paddy macrumors 6502a


    Jun 25, 2005
  3. joelovesapple thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Sep 25, 2006
    Yes. Point being?

    If you have nothing constructive to add, then don't add it at all. :rolleyes:
  4. Queso Suspended

    Mar 4, 2006
    Only two bits of advice from me : grow a thicker skin, and stop over-analysing your actions. Every single person on the planet makes a complete arse of themselves on a regular basis, and sometimes our mistakes upset others. This is all part of life.

    Next time you are having a panic attack because of something someone has said or how they've looked at you just imagine them naked. You'll still be the same idiot you were a few seconds before, but at least you'll feel a bit better :)
  5. FreeState macrumors 68000


    Jun 24, 2004
    San Diego, CA
    As a person who has Panic Disorder I suggest another tactic. Next time someone says something that upsets you pretend your on a sitcom. The person who upset you is the joker that no one takes seriously. It will help :)

    And most importantly remember the only person that can control you is you. The only person you can control is you. Only you decide how others actions effect you.
  6. sushi Moderator emeritus


    Jul 19, 2002
    Try not to over analyze things.

    It's almost impossible to be liked by everyone all the time in the work place environment. There will be issues now and again. How you work through them is what is important.

    Also, humor is something that each of us posses yet may look at things a bit different. What is funny to you may be offending to another and vice versa. Try to remember that the work place is a professional environment and not a place to have normal chit chat among friends -- even on breaks you have to be careful because you never know who might accidentally, or on purpose, listening in to your conversations.
  7. joelovesapple thread starter macrumors 6502a


    Sep 25, 2006
    Very helpful advice, thanks. I'll try and take it on board. Much appreciated. :)
  8. yojitani macrumors 68000


    Apr 28, 2005
    An octopus's garden
    Also, if you're not in counseling, you should be. I'm saying this as someone who has been in counseling for years!

    Part of this is, like most workplaces, there's someone at your workplace who's a complete jerk (trying to keep to pre-watershed language). Those people will ruffle the feathers of the most stoic among us at one point in our lives. The trick is learning to deal with it... most places I've worked, we end up bitching about that person after work. It's part of decompressing at the end of the day. Also, it's late over there isn't it? Sleep helps these things to blow over too!

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